


Am I Enough?

by Lieserulerofall



Series: Am I Enough [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Heavy Angst, It just going to hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-13 15:25:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 49,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16895139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lieserulerofall/pseuds/Lieserulerofall
Summary: He was your everything but apparently, you weren’t his. Left with nothing but some memories where will life take you?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok I know I shouldn’t be starting something new when I’m working on something but this can to me and I needed to write it out before it left me. I’m tagging some people that have helped me write and make a better story. I hope I have put all your advice to good work.

“You promised you would stay with me. That nothing on Earth could stop you from breaking that promise. What did I do? I don’t know what I did wrong, not to make you leave me.”

“I know she’s perfect, she’s everything you deserve but I thought, maybe for once, I could be enough for someone, for you. You said I was everything you could ever need. Did you ever want me though? If you only needed me, you could have needed me and just been my friend. Why drag me through this and give me so much, only to say none of it was real?” Your cries have fallen on deaf ears. His back is now turned from you shutting you out once more.

The words were echoing in your head they were the first moments of everything crumbling down around you. You couldn’t stay here anymore. He wanted you gone.

You hastily scribbled out a note it was written on the back of one of your pictures making it hard to write on and puncturing the photo at times. Your hand was shaky and tears blurred your vision. You were determined however to get this out and send it to him.

“I’m sorry. I should have seen the signs earlier, but then again I guess I did. I was just fooling myself into thinking I could hold on to you longer when that’s probably when I already lost you. I’m sorry I kept you from her, I won’t bother you anymore. I hope one day you’ll forgive me for keeping you from her for so long.“

You write Love before scribbling it out and simply put your name.

You slide it under the door and walk away. He wouldn’t get it for a few days as he was gone on a mission. That left you with enough time to make a clean getaway, not that anyone was going to come after you.

You weren’t a part of the team, didn’t work with them, didn’t technically live with them either. You were just dating one of the members. Well dated one of them. In fact, if he hasn’t said anything they may not notice your absence for awhile thinking you were busy or something.

You had come to collect everything that you had left here. The clothes, the nic-nacs you had collected over time, photos, really anything that could remind him of you. He moved on and didn’t need your junk in the way. Carting it all away you drop most of it down the garbage shoot putting an end to that. You walked into the main lounge and collected a couple more things. With a final look around you said goodbye and the door shut it all from your view.

“FRIDAY, I’m leaving now you can revoke my access privileges as per his request.”

“All right, Miss (Y/L). It has been nice knowing you. Have a pleasant day.”

“I’ll try FRIDAY.”

Stepping out of the building you head out not quite knowing where you were going but knowing it was far away from here.

 

The team had gotten back from a grueling mission, they were all banged up and suffering from an arrangement of injuries but none needed professional medical help. A couple band-aids would do the trick and a hot shower for everything else. They filed out of the quinjet; to their surprise, you weren’t waiting there for them. Usually, you would be fidgeting waiting to see that each one was back and relatively unharmed.

Sam was the first to speak up “Hey man where is (Y/N)?” He asks Bucky. “She knew we were coming back today, yes? You text her?”

Bucky stiffens forgetting that you wouldn’t be here anymore. He shrugs attempting to take the subject off you and more so him.

“Man, I could really use a hug from her right now. You know check over my injuries, berate me for getting injured in the first place.” He jokes with the others. They all chuckle knowing that is exactly what you would do to all of them. Well except Bucky, you would be pampering and nitpicking his every move just to reassure yourself that he was safe.

“Maybe she fell asleep waiting for us. FRIDAY, we’re back, is (Y/N) in the building?” Tony asks you had done that a couple times before because of the lateness of a mission.

“No Sir she is not. She has not been back two days ago. She collected some of her stuff and hasn’t been back since.”

“Oh, alright I’ll just have to text her since other people seem to have forgotten.” He says shooting Bucky a glare. Bucky can’t meet his eyes knowing the true reason to why you weren’t there.

They shuffle to their separate rooms to shower and change. They all eventually drift back to the kitchen when their stomachs announce their need for food. All but Bucky had come down, Steve the concerned friend he always was went to get him. Knocking on the door he found Bucky standing in his room showered but staring at the bed. It was nicely made the grey comforter pulled up and the pillows tucked under and plumped. The room was perfectly squared away not a thing out if the place it seemed odd but Steve shrugged it off and continued into the room.

He places a hand on Bucky’s shoulder causing him to jump at the touch. “Hey just wanted to let you know that there is dinner in the kitchen everyone is waiting for you. Have you heard anything from (Y/N) yet?” Bucky shakes his head. “Hey what’s up with you you’ve been weird for this whole mission and even now?”

“Its nothing Steve, I have just been dying to sleep in my own bed now.”

He rolls his shoulder pushing Steve’s hand off of him. He heads out leaving Steve behind, Steve takes a deep breath and drops his head. He was only trying to help. A picture on the ground catches his eyes, he stoops down to pick it up. It’s the picture from one of your days on the beach together. Bucky and You had romped along the beach all day playing in the water and building numerous sandcastles only to have the other knock it down. Here though you both had laid down tired from the day, your head was on his chest, his arm wrapped around you both sleeping under an umbrella. It was one of your favorites, flipping it over he reads your words.

His heart breaks, suddenly everything makes sense. Bucky’s attitude, he wouldn’t focus to save his life missing quite a few easy shots during the mission; the room, he looks up none of your personal things could be seen, there was nothing scattered about like you usually have. So that’s what happened, he whips around and chases Bucky down. He starts waving the photo as he sees him sitting at the kitchen counter, not fully taking in his surroundings.

“What the heck is this?” Shoving it in his face. Bucky grabs it and looks at the photo before turning it over. He reads the words but doesn’t quite comprehend it all, so he sits and stares trying to make it say something else. He thought he wanted to move on from you that you weren’t enough but now, he wasn’t so sure. He hadn’t cared while you had screamed at him and begged him to explain.

“Answer me Bucky what happened between you and (Y/N)? Why isn’t she coming back?” You could hear a pin drop it was so silent in the room all gaping at Bucky.

“That’s why she is not here?“ Tony half standing now from where he had been sitting on the couch.

“Tell me!” Steve snaps. Taking Bucky by the collar and forcing him to look him in the eye.

“I….I broke up with her.” He whispers, “Right before the mission.” His voice keeps getting smaller.

“Why? Why would you ever want to do that?” Steve pleads. “She was your everything. You couldn’t stop talking about her when she wasn’t with you and when she was you were attached at the hip. She’s your best friend, a kind of friend I can never be.”

“I thought…” He trails off not wanting to phrase the next part wrong . “I thought I wanted something else… someone else.”

“You arrogant son of a… Did you cheat on her?” Tony growls.

“No, I couldn’t do that. Not to her.”

“But you could break up with her out of the blue after she gave you everything!”

“Hey whoa back up, now let’s calm down and talk it out” Sam is standing pulling Tony back by the shoulder trying to meditate before tensions could rise further. “Sit down Tony this isn’t going to help anything.”

Tony sits with a huff. Sam faces Bucky meeting his eyes. “Bucky I’m guessing you’re regretting breaking up with her now. Why?”

“I walked in the room and nothing felt right it wasn’t home, I looked for anything to hold on to buts all gone. She took everything of hers is gone even out here. The book she kept on the side table. The blankets, even the pillows every single one is gone. She disappeared and it like I’m missing a part of myself. I don’t know what to do.“

“And this person you were leaving her for, she doesn’t make you feel this way? Does she make you happy? Maybe you just need to get used to the idea that (Y/N) is gone.”

Protests were heard all around. Sam held up his hands shushing them as he went to explain himself. Bucky was looking even more confused staring now down at his hands like they held the answer.

“All I’m saying is I don’t want you trying to get her back just because you are used to her being there. She was a constant but you drifted away from her for a reason. I want you to decide whether she is everything you could ever want and need now and forever. That she is going to be the only one always. Or you can let her go and you both move on with your lives. You need to know she is not just going to let you back in after what you did to her. You are going to have to fight to get her back. It may take a long while longer than either of you may like but you have left a very broken girl in your wake. I want you to be absolutely certain you love her with all you have.”

Now everyone is staring at Sam. They tend to forget he is a counselor for the VA so everything that he just said made so much sense and very true. Now the question was he willing to fight for you?

To be continued……


	2. PT 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected turn in your relationship with Bucky sends you on a journey that will hopefully find you back home one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I just wanted to start out with how thrilled and honored I was to have all of you read my new story. I am still getting the jitters from it all. Sorry, it took so long but here it is. This chapter is more of a stage-setter for what is to come and no bucky we catch up with where the reader is now.

“When did this start between you two? How long has it been? Did it gradually come to be or did it just hit you one day? I asked if you had ever thought about the others, in an I-could-possibly-date way. Wait, was that when it all began? You actually thought about it and realized she would be better for you. I shouldn’t have asked, I mean I was so happy that you chose me over them but I brought this on myself didn’t I?“

 

“Can’t you just tell me? Answer me, Dang It! Do I now mean so little you can’t even give me a proper answer? I love you with everything I have in me, but that’s not enough for you is it? I wanted to believe that this would last forever but….“

 

Two weeks that’s how long it had been since you left. The road had taken you out through several states till you stopped at a quaint town. Big enough that you could get confused but small enough for people to know almost everyone and of all things it was called Normal, Illinois, because heavens knew you could use all the normal you could get. You managed to snag a place to stay at least for now and a job as well. Lucky for you the college had just gotten out so you found a room to rent for the next 2 months before school came back.

It’s funny how in the movies people can just up and run away from their previous lives but not for you. The one plus side was that You could avoid all other text and calls from the team. It also kept your mind off if him. You spent part of your car ride on the phone with your boss telling, well lying that you had a family emergency that would take you away for a while. Luck struck again as she gave you the two months you asked for. The only problem now was your apartment. You couldn’t afford 2 rents. The rent in normal was about half it was in New York but still. This had taken quite a few more phone calls until you found a few friends that wanted to rent it out for a couple weeks at a time. It would be risky especially if they canceled but you had a smidge of faith left that it would work out.

Now that you were at least for the foreseeable future to remain here, you focus on your new job, mostly because the other option is soul-sucking grief. It was a standard retail job in Uptown Normal, a little boutique that sold nic-nacs. It got you through the day and you made money. You threw yourself into it taking extra shifts and doing whatever necessary for the job. Anything to keep you from going home at night.

The problem now was the nights, with nothing to occupy your thoughts, no tv or computer, you focused on what had happened. You had thought maybe the whole thing was a misunderstanding that Bucky would chase after you and explain. As each day went by your hope faded piece by piece. You weren’t hiding you still used your credit cards, your driver’s license, he could find you, anyone could find you. But no one came, you must have been right in everything you said. You would have at least expected one of the others, Steve or Tony, at least, but you guess that was too good to be the friendship as well. How did this happen you had always prided yourself on being a decent judge in character, but apparently not the people you were those closest to you.

It turns out it was good you left. You would feel bad forever forcing yourself onto others. When you thought this there was a knock on the door. Your head jerked up, zeroing in on the door, you weren’t expecting anyone. Maybe it was a simple case of wrong door. Again the knock, but this time it was followed up with, ”(Y/N), I know you’re in there please just open up.“

Gah, it was Steve. You start to have a mixture of feelings the first was surprised, he had come to get you. You were great friends so why not but you would have thought he would stay with Bucky, support him at this time. This led to sadness, tears pricking your eyes because Bucky couldn’t even come himself, he must have sent Steve. Which then provoked anger, that stupid pompous man couldn’t even take the time to come find you and fix things himself. When that thought hit you, grief ran through you wrapping its way through, making your limbs heavy and your breathing shallow.

That was it Steve had come to say that Bucky didn’t want you back that you could stay right where you were. Far away from him, he didn’t need some has been hanging around his new girl. Once more the knocking began, “I’m coming in we need to talk."

With that, he quickly dismantled the lock and stepped in. You stare at him while he approaches, but as he gets closer you get scared you didn’t want to hear it. No, you could move on right now, you could pretend this whole thing never happened. You scoot away from him whimpering slightly and shaking your head.

"Whoa hey, I just want to talk.” He raises his hands, halting all forward movement.

“No,” you shudder out, your voice weak. “I know what you want to say and I don’t want to hear it. I get it he doesn’t want me. I’ll stay away I promise.” At this point, your voice has broken and tears run down your face. You keep shaking your head keeping Steve at bay.

Steve heart breaks, even more, his friend has done a real number on this girl. You were still huddled against the wall but now you had your hands over your ears, refusing anything he had to say. He sighed, kneeling down before you and wrapping his arms around you pulling you to his chest. For a moment, you resisted pushing against him, didn’t work very well as he continued to hold you in place.

Finally, you fell into him allowing his comfort, you start to cry, sobs that wrenched through your body. For you, it was finally accepting everything that had happened to you. Taking in every feeling that you had held back through this whole thing. All this time you had refused to accept them, that everything that was happening you deserved, so you didn’t have the right to feel emotional about it. You were though, sad, angry the basic but fierce emotions held you. All you could do was cry while Steve held you.

Eventually, the tears took their toll rendering you exhausted and quickly sliding into sleep. Steve felt you go limp against him. Glancing down he took in the tracks from the tears on your face, carefully wiping a few more away. He couldn’t even imagine what you were going through, he knew in some sense, had seen and talked with you, about how much Bucky had meant. You had discussed hopes and dreams, what the future would look like and how much Bucky had changed you for the better. To have all that taken away would make anyone’s heart shatter. He still didn’t fully understand what would make Bucky do this to you.

You shiver slightly more from the lingering fear than the cold. He finally took in the apartment while looking for a blanket to wrap you in. It was sparse, to say the least, you hadn’t taken much with you when you left. A small studio, no bed, no dresser just an open suitcase with your clothes spilling out of it. In your haste, you hadn’t taken what you needed just enough to escape. From the info they had gathered they learned about your new situation and from what they could see you didn’t plan on coming back to New York anytime soon.

He scoops your legs up draping you over him, but still firmly in his grasp. He pulls the blanket from your small blowup bed and wraps you in it. Looking down once more, he knows you intend to stay but not if the team and he have anything to do with it.

Lifting his hand up he whispers, “Guys, we have things to do. Let’s get started."


	3. PT 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has hurt you, so you run away. Seeing no other option but the team can’t just give you up. It’s time for an intervention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologizes for the long wait. I was lacking words and didn’t want the story to fall flat. We finally get a back from the angst. Some fluff for you. Enjoy!

“Who knew? Did anyone know about this? Or did everyone know and just not say anything? No, they would have told me. I don’t understand, any of this. I love you and you still did all of it. No one forced you to do it, did my love mean so little to you that… No I don’t care it’s been done and from the looks of it, it’s been done many, many times. So why couldn’t you just end it either me or her. Did you really think you would get away with it? Be able to be with both of us until you figured out which one you wanted the most?“

 

BUCKY POV

 

The team had been whispering to each other, making plans, when Bucky entered a room they hush up and send him glares. Not that he could blame them, he had screwed up. In fact he wasn’t sure how he could fix it. They had left this morning stating they had mission to go on, but he wasn’t allowed to come. He watched them leave turning back to the now near empty living quarters.

He had taken Sam’s advice seriously, and from what he could see, was only (Y/N). Every place he sat and went was a memory of them or her. The bench in the park as he went on his run. She had been sitting there when he had gotten distracted and tripped landing face first in front of her. He remembered the snort that came out of her mouth quickly followed by her hand covering her mouth, before she quickly got up and offered him a hand up. He got pulled into the memory of their first meeting.

“Sir, are you alright?” She offered her hand to him, pulling him up. He brushed himself off. “Oh dear you’ve scrapped your knees let me find you a bandaid.“

While she turned he took her in, she wasn’t anything special to look at. Her (Y/H/C) hair fell in her face as she scrounged through her bag looking. From the brief glimpse as she pulled him up, her eyes were a nice shade of (Y/E/C). She was dressed causally nothing too fitted but not baggy, she looked comfy.

She started to pull things out of her bag still digging. Finally pulling out a bag she forced him to sit. Insisting she help him. If only she knew who she was talking to, a freaking soldier, and assassin that had always had to fix himself up. You had him patched and quickly packed you bag. Scurrung away from him, only leaving him with a view of your backpack.

That darn bag it was almost attached to her, he remembered. The bag would change from time to time but you were seldom without it. She always said "You never know when you’re going to need something."

More times than not she had something to help everyone. Tissues, wipes, and even a few games for when they got stuck somewhere. The team had quickly started to rely on her for the things you needed. (Y/N) became an essential for all Avenger outings, he recounted the many ways she worked to become each person’s friend. Creating something unique for each one, something that was strictly between the two.

Bucky had tried to keep her a secret at first not really wanting to share his new friend with the team. She was something so normal and yet so perfect, the way she handled the things he told her, to treating him like everyone else. He was just another person, another friend she could have.

So where had he got wrong where had he messed up and thought he could use you like he did?

 

(Y/N) POV

 

You stretched, sore from sleeping in a slightly awkward position. Suddenly you felt arms around you tightening from you stirring. You crack your eyes open, heavy from the crying and itchy from dryness, your gaze is met by Steve.

"Hey you’re awake."

You nod moving to sit up. It’s then that there is a subtle noise filling your apartment. Turning your head you are met with the team stuffed in your room. Sam is even half in the bathroom to make room. You widen your eyes trying to take them in. You turn back to Steve checking that what you really see is true and not just a figment. Though from how each is behaving they are without a doubt real.

They turn to look at you taking you in. "Not that I didn’t miss you guys but what are you all doing in my house?"

"We’re on a mission!” Tony states stepping forward.

“Huh, what kind of mission?” You ask, you didn’t think there was a Hydra base around here, but wouldn’t put it past them.

“A really important mission. We are calling it Operation: Get (Y/N) Back and Beat Barnes Up For What He Did.” He states proudly. The rest if the team is shaking their heads obviously they hadn’t agreed to the name or all the details in the plan.

You really had nothing to say to that. You couldn’t help but feel joy at the fact that they had come to get you, choosing you over Bucky. Steve presses on your shoulder turning your attention back to him.

“Excluding what Tony said, you are our friend and we are here to help you. I know Bucky hurt you, I’m not condoning any of his actions but you didn’t have to leave like you did. Do you know how worried we were to suddenly find you had disappeared? You took all your things and left. I get you didn’t want to stay but you could’ve at least told us you were going.” He has put on his Captain America voice and firmly holding you so you don’t look away. By the end all you can do is nod, no you shouldn’t have done it. But there was a part of you that was glad you did.

Tony claps his hands, drawing attention once again to himself. “Now that that’s all settled let’s get you packed up and back to New York.” The team starts to move, collecting items near them.

“Whoa,” you stand holding up your hands to cease all further movement. “Who said I was going anywhere, I happen to have a two month lease and right now I don’t really feel like going back to New York. This is where I live now."

They stare at you like you had grown a third head, "But the operation, we came to get you.” Tony says swinging his hands to indicate the team.

“I know and I’m glad you did but,” you hold up you’re hand to stop Tony from speaking, “What he did to me doesn’t go away that quickly. He meant everything to me every single spot in Manhattan, heck all of New York City reminds me of him. I can’t just go back, let alone see him."

Sam comes forward now, making Tony back up. "We aren’t asking for you to forgive him, we just hate to see you separate yourself and give up your life because of what he did.” He can see you getting agitated shaking your head. You couldn’t go back not yet. “(Y/N) let’s take a walk. Alright? It’s getting a little crowded and warm in here.”

 

You nod, taking the hand he has offered you. You head out walking to a park. You come to a bench sit down, Sam next to you. Quiet settles over the two of you, until you remember first meeting Bucky.

“You know,” Sam perks up leaning toward you slightly. “Bucky and I first met in a park like this. I was sitting on a bench, I had a random day off and decided to take in a little nature. So there I am reading when he comes and trips over himself landing right in front of me. You should have seen him, faceplant right there, so of course I laughed. I felt bad and had to cover it up. When I pulled him up, man, the sun hit his eyes just right and it took my breath away."

You got drawn into the memory, but continue to speak, forgetting for a moment everything that has happened since.

"He was handsome, drop dead gorgeous, and I remember thinking that this must be some sort of prank because this doesn’t happen to girls like me. It happens in the movies or to the pretty girls. I had to look down, didn’t want to get caught up in something that could never happen. Huh, I should have kept to that thinking shouldn’t I?” She chuckled to herself before continuing. “I noticed he was bleeding so I went to my bag for bandaids. As luck would have it I couldn’t find them. So there I was embarrassing myself with this gorgeous man because I couldn’t find a stupid box of bandaids.

 

Sam laughs at this, this was so different from the way Bucky told the story. From his account you had saved his life single handedly with that bag of your.

"I finally found them, had to make him sit down before I could put them on. He was stubborn wanted to do it himself. He didn’t quite know that I’m just as stubborn as he is. After I fixed him up I patted his leg and told him all good to go. It was then I realized I had put on princess bandaids. Man, if a person could die of embarrassment I would have then. I packed my bag up and scurried away before he noticed."

Sam is laughing, your version was so much better than Bucky’s. He remembered that day, heck he was the one that pointed them out. He had complimented him on his taste in first aid bandages. He had just looked down saying someone had helped him. He went on to wear them for the rest of the day not caring about any other comments.

You grew quite after your heart clenching painfully as you see how far you had come. This time it was Sam that broke the air. "I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, but I’m here to help. I need you to believe that and to let me. Bucky wasn’t right in any fashion for what he did. Everyone knows that, but the reason they came here is because they didn’t want to lose you. They have lost so much, after knowing you and you becoming a friend to each of us, we aren’t going to just give you up. We are going to fight to make this right. You belong back with us. If you need time they will respect that, they may not agree but they will understand why.” He looks at you gauging your reaction to his words before continuing.

“When you left it felt like we had lost someone all over again. That is hard, especially when in the business we are in one of may not come back. It is almost an unspoken rule to not get attached to anything or anyone outside of what we do. But you were an exception. You didn’t really give us an option for it either. I can’t count the number of times you have been there for me personally. Every hard mission, every life event you were a phone call or less away. I can’t thank you enough. I won’t lose that with you. I want … no need you to come back. I am though willing to wait for you because you mean that much to me."

He leans over taking you into his arms, you realize that your crying. When you had left you hadn’t thought about how it would effect your friends. You needed them just as much as they needed you. You really didn’t have as close as friends as them anywhere else.

"I’m sorry.” You sob to him clinging to his form.

“Hey none of that you cry I’m going to cry. You don’t want to see me cry.” He rubs your back, gently shushing you. You relax in his grip as the tears slow but you don’t let go, not yet. You needed his comfort and his understanding.

Time passes and you separate taking a deep breath. You look at him seeing his smile and triggering one of your own.

“There’s my girl. Now let’s get you home and kick all these people out and grab some grub.” You chuckle and nod in agreement.

Heading back to your apartment with Sam beside you, arm wrapped over your shoulder you knew you would be OK it would just take time. The best part was though was the friends you would have beside you.


	4. PT 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their plan didn’t quite work the way they wanted. The fight that ended it all comes out and details revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought it was time that we knew where this whole debacle started and who Bucky’s partner in passion is. Though you’re all smart cookies and probably figured it out already. Be prepared for the hurt. As always feedback is appreciated!!

“Can you tell me what I did to drive you away? And don’t pull that ‘you have to distance yourself to keep me safe’ crap. It didn’t work before it certainly won’t work now. I know I’m not the best-looking person in the world. Hey, I can even understand why you would look elsewhere. You always did deserve better. I’m just normal, right? You must have realized that normal wasn’t good enough. Just a phase. Easily replaced with someone better. Gah, why? I shouldn’t have fallen, everyone told me it was too good to be true. It felt so good though, so right. Did you ever once feel the same? Or was it nothing but pity? Did my little sob story strike a cord so you dated me to make me feel like the world wasn’t as hopeless as it really is? I get it, alright, people like me don’t ever get the guy.”

Y/N POV

You went to dinner with the team, it was like nothing had ever happened. You laughed and shared stories. Tony, of course, insisted that he pay the bill swinging his card at the star-struck staff. They had been recognized almost instantly, granted they hadn’t really even tried to go incognito. The place had gone out of its way to set up a more private area so you could eat in peace. The occasional die-hard fan coming for an autograph. Overall though, it was like you were home.

You parted ways after dinner, they couldn’t all fit in your apartment. They refused to leave though until you were for sure coming back to them. Sam had a brief talk, explaining where you were at and asking them to respect your decision. They begrudgingly agreed they all understood because they would ask the same for themselves. You grabbed Wanda silently telling to stay but loudly saying “Can’t stay with a bunch of stupid boys”

You both got ready for bed. There was a slight awkwardness to the air, Wanda obviously wanted to ask you about what happened, but at the same time not push you to talk. Once you were both tucked in you let out a sigh, “Go ahead Wanda ask away, I can feel your questions eating at me already.”

“That obvious?” Wanda chuckled. You nod, a slight chuckle leaving you as well. “Ok, I don’t know what to ask first? But what happened? I mean what really happened?”

“Just going to jump right in I see.” You take a deep breath “There’s not much to say, he doesn’t love me anymore at least not as much as I thought. He … I … I caught him cheating on me. I kinda knew deep down that he was slipping away from me but I thought it would get better. I wish he,” your throat was closing up and tears were filling your eyes “I wish he had just broken up with me not just …” You couldn’t keep going. It was too soon, too fresh.

“Stop,” Wanda begged to pull you into her and stroking your head. “Stop defending him, he had no right to do what he did. He was a coward for doing it.”

“I know, but I can’t help feeling that I deserved it. I must have done something wrong and pushed him over the edge. I mean look at her and look at me it’s no competition who he would pick.”

“Who? No one knows who it was. How did you find out?” Wanda shook her head. She was confused, they knew it was Bucky that cheated but who the woman was. There were rumors of course, but no one quite knew the full story.

You were pulled back to that day all too easily. The team had just gotten back from a week-long mission just the night before. Bucky had told you not to come that night as they would be getting back late. So after reluctantly agreeing you decided to head there in the morning to make him and the team a surprise breakfast.

You got everything you needed for a giant pancake feast. From bacon to juice you had it all. After setting the table up you asked FRIDAY to send everyone down. They slowly trickled in one by one, for the most part, they had all made it in. You decided to wake up Bucky and bring him down. He was never a morning person so he was probably still snoring away, you creep up to the door. You turn the knob carefully and push the door not making a noise. What you are met with is a very awake Bucky, he was supported on his elbows, butt naked, and lips locked with the woman beneath him.

You couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. You waited to hope that you would wake up. They flip over changing positions. All you take in is the color at first, that striking fire color. From there you took in every curve, every slope, the perfect figure, but it was mostly how perfectly they seemed to fit together. Each movement seemed to blend and seemed so in sync with each other. It wasn’t till they started whispering sweet nothings that you felt anything. The names tore into you, each one a little dagger that ripped your heart out. Just as they finished together, you must have made a noise because both their heads whipped around to face you.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…. I… surprise… never…. never mind.” You back away, trying to wipe the whole scene away. You drop your eyes to the floor not wanting to see it. There’s a buzz in your ear growing louder with each passing second. Bolting out of the room, you stumble back into the living room. There are no tears just shock, on your face, the others look up to see you.

“Hey what’s the matter?” Steve asks rising slightly. You straighten, you couldn’t tell then it was too embarrassing and it might hurt the dynamic. You should have seen this coming, for all you knew everyone already knew and was waiting for you to catch on. You shake your head trying to clear it.

“Nothing just saw something I don’t want to see again.” You start packing your things intent on getting out.

“What about Bucky?”

“He’ll be right down. I gotta go. To work, yeah to work.” You shove a few more things in your bag, before swinging it onto your back. The sound of pounding feet coming down the hallway made you hurry. You didn’t make it, Bucky swung around the corner.

“(Y/N), please wait let me explain. Stop please.” He begged to grab your elbow. You turn to look at him, looking over toward the group to see the stares. You nod and pull him away, leading him to a spare room.

You remember the fight but it was mostly the silence from his end, he didn’t say anything after trying to explain. He loved her, there was a connection that he didn’t get with you. Of course, he did, any guy would have it and from what you had seen it was true. You should have seen it, in what far-out world did you ever think that this ended with your happy ending.

It was nothing but tears and a raised voice from you, saying anything and doubting everything in your relationship. He just looked away, never trying to stop you. He never once told you-you were wrong, that what you had was special. No, it was all a lie a wonderful, blissful lie. When you were done he simply stood up and told you to be gone, that he didn’t want anything to do with you. He was revoking your rights to the tower after your stuff was gone. Lucky for you he had said that they were leaving on another mission in a couple days.

You stumbled out and headed for the back stairs, not wanting to see anyone. Two days later you packed your stuff and left.

 

Wanda looked down at you, “Nat…Nat slept with Bucky?” You nod confirming. “But you guys were like best friends, the three of you attached at the hip.” She couldn’t believe it. Natasha wouldn’t do that, not to you and not with him. You two had bonded so well. You were almost sister, if there was shopping to be done you could be seen attached at the hip heading out the door together.

“Yes, but he loves her so why wouldn’t he. I mean they have a ‘connection’, a past together, why wouldn’t he love her.” You could feel the tears working back up choking you. “I thought for once, I could be enough for someone. I know I’m not gorgeous or even pretty, but he” you taking a shuddering breath in. “He told me he loved how normal I am, that I brought him peace. That I made him believe he could have a future one day. I guess I thought it would be our future together. That I wasn’t some placeholder to fill up the time.” You could barely breathe, you broke again.

It was the first time you had spoken about what happened. You hadn’t just lost a boyfriend, you lost one of your best friends. It tore your heart even further apart, you weren’t sure there was much left at this point. Let alone if you could ever put it back together again, but maybe it was better this way. You could stop getting your hopes up and save yourself some tears.

You clutch onto Wanda in some desperate hope that she could hold you together while you were crumbling apart.

 

Bucky POV

He looked down at her while she slept curled away from him. Her eyes were still rimmed in red and a small sniffle escaping between the murmurs. Nat had come in crying, he had been reading on the bed and to see this strong woman out of character he immediately rose taking her in his arms. She had cried, great sobs that wracked her body. When they had finally calmed he led her to the bed stroking her back gently.

“I can’t do this. I shouldn’t have done this to her. She was my best friend.” She sniffles tears beginning again. “How could I?”

Bucky held her thinking about what she was saying. He hadn’t thought about Natasha in this whole situation. He had started to really notice her while (Y/N) and she was hanging out. Bucky had practically been the third wheel on those adventures.

It came as a shock to him how close the group of them had gotten. The three had enjoyed movies and New York food adventures that took them to the best and shadiest parts of New York. Through it all, they became friends seeing each other weaknesses and strengths. As he had learned about (Y/N) he had gotten to better understand Natasha.

It had started with lingering gazes while (Y/N) was grabbing something or had her back turned.   
It turned to touches that trailed up and down arms and legs, making it seem like a mere accident but prolonging it as much as possible.

The first kiss happened after movie night, they had been trading looks over (Y/N) shoulder as she nestled into Bucky’s side. His fingers running through her hair sent her to sleep about half way through the movie. As they started up the next she had awakened and shuffled her way back to the room with promises that Bucky would be there shortly.

Natasha had scooted closer and as she entered his reach, his arms wrapping around her pulling her closer. Their eyes clicked and suddenly they lurched toward each other lips tangling together in the heat of the moment. As they separated, they were panting staring at each other debating if this was a good idea or would ruin everything.

It had grown from there each stealing moments from the other in till that fateful day. It had been a late mission and having successfully diverting you from coming to see him, he spent the night with Natasha in his arms. That morning he had woken up to her stretching on top of him. It had been so heated he missed the door opening and (Y/N) stepping in.

It was a strangled gasp that grabbed both of them whipping their heads around. When they looked at the door the dread that built was spiked when he saw (Y/N) standing there. He hadn’t seen a more broken-hearted look on someone’s face since he had been the Solider. She had tears gathered in her eyes and but it was the emotion he found there that made him start to regret all his decisions with Natasha. As soon as she bolted he got up looking for clothes before chasing her.

He prayed (Y/N) hadn’t left yet. He needs to tell her what happened. Why he did what he did. But it was mostly to get that look off her face. How could he be the one to put that look there, after all the late night talks they had about her looks and her insecurities about never being good enough for him. He went and did the one thing that would make all of that seem true. Even when he knew better than anyone that they weren’t.

He caught her in the kitchen, not seeing anything else he grabbed her elbow pulling her back, begging her not to leave. He dragged him to another room before she turned on him. “(Y/N), please let me explain.” He was pleading, no begging her to listen. He needed to make it right. He explained it to her everything he felt. He was finally open about how he felt about Natasha. When he looked up what he got was even worse than before. There was an understanding look but it was so twisted. It had anger and sadness but most of all it was defeat. He stepped forward, it was obvious he hadn’t explained enough to make her understand. She raised her hands to block him from moving any farther.

“You love her, and you love me but you don’t love me as much as you love her. Right? So why didn’t you just break it off then? You promised you would stay with me. That nothing on Earth could stop you from breaking that promise. What did I Do?”

He looked down. He didn’t know what to say but with each word she spoke a dagger could be felt digging into him. She continued on questioning and berating him. Wondering where she went wrong, how she had managed to screw up so bad that he sought another. She kept going never once letting him explain. So he got angry, she had the whole thing figured out, did she? He couldn’t stand the looks anymore, he was trying to make it right. Natasha was the better choice, wasn’t she?

When she fell silent he tensed waiting for a moment to see if she had more to say. “Are you done?” She nodded. “Good then get out I don’t want to see you again, all you junk needs to be gone when I get back from this mission understand. As for your Tower privileges as soon as you leave consider them revoked.”

He couldn’t stop himself, there was this burning in his gut. It was eating at him nagging his every move and it wouldn’t go away. She simply nodded and left. He turned, a small part waiting for her to come back so he could apologize for his words his tone. Instead, he left and went back to the kitchen to pretend that he hadn’t just lost his best friend.

He focused back on Nat sleeping, that feeling hadn’t gone away yet. He had to fix this. Nat had been right how could they? He turned away from her a settled into his own restless dreams, ones of tears and a broken-hearted girl.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is out but will the rest of the team ever find out and how will it change their decision to bring you back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought I’d give you a brief but necessary break from the angst to start the chapter off. Sorry about any delay in posting I just want to make sure each chapter makes sense to you guys. Also, I love all the feedback and comments I’ve gotten makes me smile like a goofball even while at work.

“Why haven’t you said anything? You’re just standing there. Do I mean so little to you that you can’t even come up with some excuse? Unless everything I’ve said is true. I was some kind of a novelty to you, something to help build you back up but you didn’t have to really love? If you knew you loved her why drag whatever this is out? Answer me!!! You have a mouth use it. Never mind, I give up alright, that’s what you want I’ll go.”

 

Y/N POV

Your alarm startled you both awake, jerking up you proceeded to flop around looking for your phone. Finally hitting it you lay back, sighing, with everything that had gone on you had forgotten you had work this morning. Rolling over you push yourself up and head to the bathroom. You can hear Wanda shuffling around. When you exit she is at the stove cooking, you didn’t have much in the way of food so you wander over peering into the pan.

“Whatcha making there Wandaroo?” You slip your hands around her placing your head on her shoulder.

“Well you didn’t really have anything but I made you a breakfast sandwich of sorts.” You raise your eyebrow. How on earth did she manage that? There was toast on the plate with some of your leftover lunch turkey which was now seared off, she proceeded to slide some eggs with melted cheese on to the plate. Flipping the top price of toast on she handed it to you.

“Holy Cow, I should give up men altogether and just date you.” She chuckles and hands you a cup of coffee.

“I don’t know how well Vision would take that?” You nod in agreement. They had such an interesting relationship.

Finishing up you lean over and give her a peck on the cheek. “Well thank you, darling, for the food, but I must be off.”

Wanda chuckles at you and pushed you out the door. “You so dumb, off with you. Let me know when you’re done and we can meet up.”

“Will do.” Walking down the stairs you hear the chatter coming up the stairs. Suddenly your face to face with the guys, well most of them Tony is not present but you can guess where he is.

“As, perfect timing. Would you and Wanda like to join us for breakfast?” Steve asks drawing you into a hug.

“Unfortunately, I have work. These bills aren’t going to pay themselves. Also, the new love of my life has made me the most wonderful breakfast a girl could ask for.” You pull away and greet the other giving each their own tight squeeze while you work your way down the stairs. “Wanda though, I’m sure would be happy to go with you.”

With that, you turn and hop down the remaining steps. You head into work with a little spring in your step. This is the first day that you truly felt like everything was going to be ok. This traveled over into your work and even to your boss. So when your ever eager and meddling friends showed up.

“Oh wow, that’s so cute.”

“You like it let me get it for you.”

Your head whips around the corner. There in the store is was every single one of your friends. Shuffling around looking at everything but also trying not to hit anything. Wanda has picked up a few things and Tony is glancing and making comments on the quality and the “sellability” of the products.

You come out and wave your hands stopping the most movement from them. “What are you doing here?” You try to keep it down so your boss doesn’t come out. “I told you I would meet up with you after work.”

“We got bored and wanted to see this new work location. I must say it’s pretty decent. Good products. Hey Wanda what do you think about this for Pepper?” Tony got distracted looking at something in the jewelry case. “May I see this piece here?” You shuffle behind the case. Pulling out the one he wanted and set it on the top.

“Excellent, now would you recommend a matching necklace for this?” He continued to shop taking you throughout the store. Finally, he was done and you wrapped up his purchases throwing Wanda’s in as well. While your back was turned he began to seduce your boss. By the time you were done, she told you-you could leave early. You sigh no point in arguing now. You rush to the back gathering your things and head out. You practically had to push them out each intrigued by different things in the store.

“Ok now that I’m free who’s hungry?” Some groans of approval went around. The group chatted while wondering for a place to eat. Deciding to take it all to go and enjoy the outdoors you continue your trek to the nearest park.

Dinner was great until by some twist of fate Bucky and yourself came up again. You tensed shooting a glance at Wanda.

“I’m just saying (Y/N), it’s not a bad place to work and live but you have to come back,” Tony says.

“Yeah, this isn’t where you should be.” Steve nods in agreement.

“Guys I’m not staying here forever just a little while so I can heal. I could never leave you guys.” You hang your head. Hopefully, they would let it go. Of course, they didn’t.

“It can’t be all bad what he did. You shouldn’t just give up your life because he broke up with you.” You see Wanda tense, just as you were. Steve was trying to help you knew that but it made you angry. They were friends and he had picked you but it wasn’t that simple.

“It’s not something that I can just forgive and forget, Steve.”

“We can work this out, as much as I don’t like Metal Arm we can fix this,” Tony interjected.

“Tony please don’t push it.” Wanda urged. It didn’t work because they both continued.

“What was so bad that you left?”

“I can make it better just tell me what you need.”

They pushed until you snapped shooting up. “Stop!” They both shut up. “Bucky cheated on me alright, he cheated on me with Natasha. Ok?!”

They stared at you mouths open. You passed away and came back. “He left me, told me to get my things and not come back. I just did what he wanted me to do.” Again you walked away running your hands through your hair. So much for a good day. You feel the tears build up again. Letting out a choked sob, you feel a pair of arms come around you pulling you in close. “Thanks, Sam.”

You glance up to see his eyes filled with tears. He forced your head against him. “I didn’t know, we shouldn’t have pushed you.” You hug him back nodding into his chest.

You glance at Tony, his face filled with rage. “I’m going to kill him.”

 

Bucky POV

He knew something up when he hadn’t heard anything from the team in a few days. Steve was still pretty clingy, he liked to check up on him. So far he hadn’t heard a peep from him in a couple days. He made his way to the kitchen to find Natasha hunched over in a kitchen chair. Her head in her hands. She hadn’t spoken to him since that night. He knew she was torn up.

“Hey, you alright?” He tried to place his hand on her shoulder only to have it rolled off.

“I’m fine.” She muttered.

“Oh ok, have you heard anything from the team. It’s unusual to not hear anything from them by now.”

“They’re not on a mission.” She stands up and drifts toward the hallway back to her room.

“What? Where are they then?” He asks following her.

“Can’t you tell? They went to go get her. Did you honestly think they would just let her go like that? She is as much their friend as she is ours? Or was.” She continued down the hall no longer able to look at him. She paused once more. “I can’t do this anymore, Bucky. It was wrong and I think you know this but it was and always will be her that you need. You need to go get her back.” She walks away.

He stares after her. He knows she’s right. Ever since (Y/N) had been gone he had noticed everything he loved about her. The way she would snuggle up in her sleep one foot out because otherwise, it got to warm. Or the way she left her things in random places and then forget. He could always count on it bringing a smile to his face when she huffed around looking for whatever it was only to have him point it out in 3 seconds.

Even with all those things he couldn’t help but think why. Why had he gone and slept with Natalia? She was perfect. In every way and in everything. He didn’t have to rush around with her to find things. Didn’t ever hear her complain about what she should and shouldn’t eat to avoid getting pudgy. She was simple to be around, he didn’t need to think about anything.

He growled in frustration. Why was this happening? It should be easy to pick, it was sound logic to pick Natasha but something was holding him back something told him that it just wasn’t the right choice. He ran his hands through his hair entirely to annoyed with what was happening. With a grunt, he headed off the to the gym. Maybe beating on something would clear his mind.

After 2 hours of beating the sandbag, breaking 3 and the last hanging by a thread, he still was pent-up and frustrated. He began to pace the gym trying to release any bit of the anger or frustration. Finally, he snapped and let out a yell. All the emotion came out, each second granting him a little more clarity than the last moment.

Digging into his pocket he pulled out his phone. Swiping through he found the one name that he never called but maybe just maybe he would be the one to help. Dialing the phone ran just as it was to go to voicemail he picked up.

“Man, you have terrible timing you know that?” The voice said sounding slightly agitated.

“What? Sam I…. I need….. I need your help.” He felt sick just asking but knew that if this was ever going to be right he needed him.

“Well, that might be hard because Tony and the rest just found out what happened and it looks like the only help you’ll need is planning your funeral buddy.”

“Oh, crap!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team gets called back for a mission, but Sam stays back. Not only to keep an eye on you but also try to convince you back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All! This chapter may seem a little rushed wanted to move the story along to the good stuff. Also, Sam Wilson never gets enough love in stories so I’m loving up on him. Thanks again for all the comments and messages I’m really enjoying reading them.

“What do I do now?”

Y/N POV

It seemed to be a blur of events after your announcement, Tony was calling the jet getting it ready to go. Steve had a blank stare on his face, trying to convince himself that what he just heard wasn’t true. Sam and Wanda were attempting to talk them down and focus, snapping their fingers in their faces. Thor was hugging you close telling you that everything would be OK, that he would avenge your honor. Vision was standing around taking the group is not really helping or hindering anyone.

It seemed to wind down when all their phones began to ring and vibrate. Tony quickly accessed his phone and read the message. “Looks like we have a mission guy, trouble in Europe again.” He rolls his eyes and puts his phone away. “This mission is on hold until we get back. Sam you’re staying here, don’t want this one,” he is waving his hand directly at you. “Wandering off or convincing herself that she is staying in this disconnected from humanity town.”

Sam merely nods his head. “Woah, hold on I don’t need some babysitter.” You protest, turning to Tony, glaring at Sam as well, shaking your finger at him. “I’m happy you all came to check up on me but you have a mission to do, don’t just leave Sam behind because you think I’m not coming back.”

Tony is no longer listening to you. Instead, he is on the phone again checking on trip details. You sigh looking around for someone to back you up. Of course, they all agree with Tony, nods go around at the apparent sound decision. It’s part of the reason that they were here.

“Give it up kiddo,” Clint finally speaks up, you had forgotten he was here, “just let him have this, he was pretty torn up when you left.” You can only nod and turn to Sam.

“I guess you are bunking with me, I hope you don’t mind sleeping on the floor.”

He chuckles and swings an arm around your shoulder. “Yes, finally a roommate I don’t mind having. Also the prettiest one I think I have ever had.”

You giggle and wrap your arm around his waist. “Let’s see them off and then find you some things to do while I work, I certainly don’t have anything for you now.”

Seeing them off was a tearful event, they each had their own fears of you not coming back. More so that this might be the last chance to convince you to come back. To say there was a lot of pressure on Sam was an understatement. Each one drew him away to talk and each time he merely clapped them on the shoulder and sent them on their way. They all have you gone crushing hugs, each one lingering as they whispered encouragement and love into your ear.

Tony was the last to come up, he didn’t reach for you but begins to lecture you making sure you took care of yourself. You roll your eyes and cut him off by pulling him in. It takes him a moment but he returns the hug, pulling you as close as he can.

“Thank you, Tony, for looking out for me. I know you are worried I’m not coming back but I will, in my own time, granted. I can’t just leave you alone for too long, you’ll get into trouble.”

He chuckles, “Too late for that sweetheart, why do you think I’m here.” He sneaks his hand in your pocket trying to slide his credit card in. You stop his hand. “Please just let me have this,” he whispers, getting slightly choked up, “I want to at least know that if anything happens you’ll have enough to come back to me. My last bit of taking care of you?” You release him to continue. You squeeze him once more before letting him go.

You both have tears in your eyes. He wipes them away quickly, “Darn this fresh air, I need some smog-clogged streets, making my eyes water.” You shake your head and smile. With that you see them fly off once again to save the day.

You turn to Sam and head to the car. The car ride is fun, you have cranked the music up and rolled the window down. Singing at the top of your lungs. This was your favorite thing about Sam, his ability to make you feel that everything was alright and that no matter what you wanted to do, you could do it and he was more than up for it.

You head for the mall, it had just about everything you could ask for. You make a game out of your time, a scavenger hunt of sorts. Find the tallest heel ended with Sam strutting down the aisle in a pair of 8-inch yellow stilettos. Find the biggest TV, you grabbed the popcorn and a bean bag chair watching the aquarium on the screen. The last was the most unhealthy snack you could find, you shared a triple chocolate chunk fudge ice cream sandwich. It was so sweet you both only got about 4 bites in each that you had to stop.

The best part was, Tony, footed the bill for everything. You ended up with a trunk full of stuff, a TV with a game console with any and every game Sam could possibly play. He had movies galore and you even talked him into a few books for educational purposes, as you called it. To finish it off you bought another blowup bed with all bed necessities.

Dragging it all home you set everything up while waiting for the pizza to arrive. This had been the best day ever, it was rare you got to spend this much time with Sam.you started to wonder why that was when you had so much in common. You could do this all the time with him. When the pizza arrived you both sat on the floor each with a remote control in your hand.

“Sam?” You glance at him while playing COD together, he grunts in question. “Thanks.”

Again he grunts, before shifting his eyes. “Thanks? For what?”

“For being here. I know I haven’t been the most pleasant person to be around. You haven’t even asked what happened yet. You know the who and what but not all the details.”

Sam pauses the game setting his controller down. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I’ll always be here for you. What do you think friends are for?”

“I know that and that’s why I’m thanking you. I mean I cry myself to sleep every night, I get lost in my head during conversations, you shouldn’t have to put up with that. The fact that you do means a lot to me. I’ll get better I promise.” You’re sniffling by the end, wondering why you ended up with such a great friend.

“Ok, ok, you’re welcome. Like I said I’ll always be here for you. As for everything else, we’ll work through it. Everything will get better. You’re hurt and scared but I’m not leaving you anytime soon. If you need to cry, go for it. Drift all you want, I’ll draw you back in, but never forget I’m right here.” He pulls you into a hug kissing your forehead.

He pulls back and you both share a smile. “Now, pick up that remote and let me kick your butt.”

“Oh, you’re so on!”

The night continued on with fun and laughter and barely a thought towards Bucky. It was perfect and for the first time since this, all started you slept peacefully not a tear escaped you.

 

The next few days formed a pattern, work and coming home to dinner and movies or games. You started to relax in your new environment, Sam made it easier as well, talking late into the night about what was happening. The one thing you did avoid was Bucky and anything to do with him. You would tense up and change the subject when brought up. Sam seemed to catch on rather quickly and soon you weren’t talking about him at all.

The team hadn’t called since they left, but as the week went by you started to miss them. It was enough to make you want to go back. Though a bonus would be if he wasn’t there of course. All in all, you were still up in the air, Sam never commenting directly, just mentioning the places and things he missed in New York.

As if the universe got tired of you flip-flopping, it decided to make the choice for you. You had gone out to dinner, a nice little pizza joint, while you were strolling back you saw 2 fire trucks fly by. You don’t think much of it until you drew closer to your apartment. Flames engulfed the 3rd floor just above your apartment. You stop staring at the building praying it wasn’t so that maybe you had gotten your building confused. This was not the case. The flames shot high into the sky blasting out the windows.

Sam turns you away from the scene burying your face into his chest. Tears began to form and choking sobs escape you. Your arms shakily wrap around him, attempting to pull yourself closer to him. It wasn’t so much the loss of your stuff or the home but the mere thought of having to go back now. You weren’t ready yet. You still had a month, you were supposed to have a whole month left. This was happening too quick. Your old apartment was still unavailable to you, meaning you didn’t have a place to stay, all you could think of thought was going back to him.

Sam pulls his phone out dialing Tony, “Hey, some things happened. It looks like your getting your wish we’re coming back.”

 

Bucky POV

 

After getting off the phone with Sam, Bucky started to pace the floor. He had made the call. He made the right choice. He just had to wait now. Of course, he was either going to die from his friends beating him or something worse.

Soon he was interrupted by a phone call. Mission meeting in 2 hours when the rest of the team came back. A door down the hall opens, Nat staggers out.

“You get the call as well?”

“Yes, all hands on deck I guess.” She is practically whispering it. She won’t meet his eyes.

“Ok, I called Sam. I’m going to make this right I promise.” She snorts at this finally looking at him.

“Good luck.”

“They know.” She stiffens. This was going to be awkward, to say the least. She nods and goes on her way to prep for the mission.

Knowing he couldn’t do anything till Sam arrived he went as well to suit up. FRIDAY informed him of the team arriving. He pulls himself together, heading towards the landing platform. He arrives at the hatch. Tony is the first to exit, heading directly toward Bucky. He braces himself seeing the first coming but knowing he deserves it. He takes the hit, letting his head swing with the punch.

“I ought to do much worse than that, Tin Man.” Tony is fuming but already feeling a little better after the one hit. Bucky sees Steve come towards them. Waving him off he looks back at Tony.

“I deserved that. I know what I did was wrong and I’m going to fix this. I need to I never should have done what I did.”

“You’re darn right about that. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to prove that to us before you ever get near her. You understand?” He’s waving his finger in his face. He stops and turns around storming off.

“I will,” he yells after Tony. “Where is Sam? I need his help.”

“He’s not here. Stayed back with (Y/N)” Steve answers. Bucky can tell he’s angry with him, no more frustrated. He doesn’t understand still, how is the best friend could break a girls heart so bad. Steve doesn’t meet his eyes for long want to look elsewhere but still be there for his best friend.

He nods, well maybe he can just call for now. First came the mission though. After a brief debrief they all piled into the quinjet and headed out. It was a hard mission, every time it seemed they were making headway they got pushed back.

By the end, all were covered in bruises scrapes and a few cuts all around. They were grateful to be back at the compound. It was harder than normal considering the tension between the members. Nat had gotten glares and snarky remakes from each. Everyone trying to pretend that they both hadn’t played a part in destroying one of their best friends.

At the end of the day though, they each just wanted things to go back to the way things were. When they were a family.

Going to their separate quarters, Bucky grabbed his phone quickly dialed up Sam. When he answered Bucky quickly starts talking, “I need your help. I want you to help me make things right with her. I just don’t know what I need to do? Please? Please help me.”

“Woah slow down there. I can help but did you think about what I said?”

“Yes.”

“Good, now you’re going to call me every day, for now, tells me about how your feeling. I’m guessing Tony wanted you to prove yourself to them and I agree but this is a good start. I want to know what is going on in that head of yours. I mean everything any doubts, fears, or wild ideas that pop up.”

Bucky is nodding into the phone. He wants to be certain. He wants to bring his family back together, but most importantly he wants you to come back.

“Is that a Yes?”

“Yes, yes I understand.” He was desperate to make them all understand. He needs to show them all how serious he was. This caused him to almost shout his answer.

“Good now, (Y/N) usually is at work from 9-4 so call me anytime between then and I can guarantee that I’ll pick up. After that, I will be with her so I may not answer so leave me a message and I’ll call you back when I get a chance.”

“Alright”

“Good, now I have to go she’s back.”

“Ok take good care of her.”

“Always do.” Bucky hangs up. He felt better already. He was headed in the right direction.

Over the next week, he calls, Sam never once failing to pick up, in fact, most days Bucky calls 2 or 3 times a day. About 2 weeks later, there was a change, instead of Bucky calling Sam, Sam called him. Bucky picked up afraid that something had happened to her. She could be hurt by anything.

It turned out they were coming back. Now it was time to put his feelings to the test.


	7. PT 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fire brings the group back together. How will things play out with Bucky and will his feelings hold strong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPRISE!! I finished it early. This is a little long so beware. Also, I hope it isn’t repetitive I wanted to display both sides of the story, so let me know if it worked.

“You’re a jerk you know that? You make me feel all these things for you and then rip it away from me. Tell me, did you enjoy it? Enjoy leading me on, was it some sick game to you two? ‘Oh look, let’s see how long I can string her along before she realizes it all means nothing.’ Well, I’m happy I could entertain you. Gah, I was so stupid for believing any of it. I can barely look at you now.”

 

Bucky POV

After the call came in he started to freak out a little. She was coming back, how was he supposed to act. He knew he had to prove himself to the others and her but… but what? Did he go meet her at the hanger? Should he try to apologize? Maybe he should just stay out of the way?

He decided that staying away would be best, when the next call came, announcing she was about to land, everyone practically ran to the elevator. Each trying to be the first to see her. He stayed back, he had decided maybe the subtle way, was the best way. So dinner for the group it was. Pulling out the necessary equipment he got to work. Choosing what to make was relatively easy, he remembered always catch a small smile and an obvious twinkle in (Y/N)’s eyes when people announced pasta for dinner. She had a weakness for warm bread and (Y/F/S).

He had just put the water on when he heard the clamor from the living room, all of them practically tumbling out the elevator, one talking over the others. They craved her attention, she had a goofy smile on her face as they each tried to one-up the other with their stories. Suddenly she glances over, eyes connecting with his. She pauses in her step, briefly taking him in. Man, he wants to go over there to hug her but before he can, she simply sends him a small nod before proceeding to the couch with the others.

He blinks what had just happened, there was no way she should be acknowledging his presence. He thought she wouldn’t even want to see him, ignore he even existed. Feeling his blood begin to boil he pauses dinner, maybe she wasn’t as upset about the breakup. She had made it seem like it was this big deal this irreparable harm to her and she was smiling at him.

Wait no, he shakes his head, she has to be putting up a front. Trying not to ruin her reunion with her friends. He sighs to himself, how can he believe she didn’t care anymore? Why was he so angry right now? She just got back he was trying to fix all of this. Focusing back on dinner he didn’t hear Sam walk into the kitchen.

“What’s going through that head of yours?” Sam asks leaning against one of the counters arms folded.

“Too much.” Bucky is surprised by how open he is with Sam nowadays. Usually, he would go to his automatic reply, nothing. He turns to Sam studying him, what was it that made him open up to this guy so easily.

“What I got something on my face?” He runs his hands over it trying to wipe away whatever was there. Bucky simply shakes his head. “We can talk about it later if you want? I was just seeing if I could help you with dinner.”

He has a knowing grin on his face. Revealing that he knew exactly why Bucky was doing all of this. He nods and directs him to the bread, garlic bread was high on her list of favorites. They work in silent tandem, each knowing what the other was doing and moving on to the next task without asking. Every once in a while Bucky would look up, making sure she was still there, fearing she changed her mind and fled once more. He couldn’t help the pause in his actions at moments when she would let out a laugh, one that practically split her face. They listened to the team continue to yammer away, it made both of them smile knowing how much (Y/N) was loved here in the group.

With the table set up and dinner is placed on the table, everyone files in. There is a brief scuffle on who is sitting next to (Y/N) and across from her. Everyone eventually gets settled except Sam, Bucky, and Nat. Bucky brings the last of the food placing the bread directly in front of her. While he is leaning over (Y/N), Nat shuffles in, both of them tense taking the other in. Nat drops her head and took a seat as far away for her as she could.

There was a moment of silence before, “Dibs!!” Sam shouted grabbing the pasta. The rest dived in filling their plates. Bucky couldn’t help but take in the group. This is how it should be, what it always should have been. A family together, enjoying a meal. The meal continues, no one acknowledges the underlining tension between the team members.

After wrapping up they decide to reconvene in the living room for a movie night. They went to their separate quarters to get pajamas, blankets, and pillows. Bucky retreated, quickly changing and grabbing his favorite blanket, (Y/N) had picked it out of course but he had grown even more attached to it of late.

Swinging out of his door, he ran smack into someone. They bounced off and he instinctively reached out pulling them against him to steady them both. He looked down, he was met with (Y/E/C) eyes. It wasn’t just anyone it was (Y/N).

 

Y/N POV

 

The flight had been quick, you didn’t have much left after the fire was put out. The whole ride had you twitching though. The closer you got the more the twitch became more prominent. Sam at one point reached over and started to stroke your hand holding it still.

When you got off the plane you were bombarded with people and hugs. Each trying to squeeze there way into your arms. Man, you had missed them. You hadn’t quite realized how much until they were here. You were home. They pulled you toward the elevator, not wanting to be left out they all crammed in. When you exited, you were laughing at a story the Thor had just told. You cracked up, he had such a never could quite grasp Earth’s ways. As you looked up to take in the place you are met with those steel blue eyes. You freeze. Not ready, not ready, NOT READY. You were here though.

‘Focus, don’t let him see the pain (Y/N)’ you pep talked your self. You shoot him a small smile. ‘Nailed It’ you give yourself a mental fist bump. You could do this.

Your friend continues to fight for your attention all the way until dinner is called. They even fought over who was sitting closest to you. As they settled the final few struggled in that when you saw her. She was pale and her hair stood out even more against her. Her eyes were rimmed in red and the bags beneath her eyes suggested she hadn’t been sleeping well at all. You felt a twinge of sadness, you had never seen her like this. She was the strong one of the group. Heck, she had gotten what, no who she wanted. She drops her eyes and sits.

It was the perfect meal back. You knew Bucky had made it with you in mind. You had caught a few of the looks he sent you while preparing the meal. Drenching your pasta in the sauce. The bread almost made you moan, there was a slight eye flutter at the first bite.

When the meal was done and the movie night called you waited for the room to clear. You pulled Sam back, “I don’t know if I can do this.” You whispered to him, pulling on his arm as you tried to pull yourself together. “I don’t know how to act, how do I not fall apart while he is in the room?”

Sam chuckles shaking his head at you, “I think you’re doing just fine if anything I should be asking you how you are managing it. You pulled off being ok better than anyone I have ever seen. As for now, Bucky is trying to make amends just keep that in mind alright?” You nod before turning toward your room.

You speed up not wanting anyone to wait on you. Not paying attention you run straight into a brick wall or so it felt like. When the walls arms came and wrapped around you gripping you close your eyes shot up meeting his. Well, crap!

“You alright?” He says after a moment of you two taking each other in. For some reason, you can’t take your eyes off each other. He searches your face looking for answers and reactions to the situation.

You give a small nod, “Yeah, sorry about that. Too excited for the movie night.”

“Oh yeah been a while since we had one. I just hope it’s a better movie than last time.”

“Hey! Volcanos in New York wasn’t that bad. It could happen here.” You have the smile on your face now remember that last movie. Cheesy to the extreme.

You both chuckle at the memory. You can’t help but take in his face and the joy on it. You missed it. As soon as that thought ran through your head, you both realize what is happening and an awkwardness settles over you. You clear your throat and step away.

“I…I better get going before they send a search squad.” He only dips his head in acknowledgment. Turning your head away from him. “Oh and Bucky?” You swing your head back, he hadn’t moved just lifted his head up to look at you. “Thank you for dinner it was perfect.” You jog away. Leaving a very confused and shaken Bucky in your wake.

You enter the living room to find everyone present surprisingly. You find Sam on the love seat and almost by automatic response plop down next to him swinging your legs over his. He starts to rub your calves while you get comfy. You start to converse with Sam chatting and laughing when you noticed an odd silence about you.

You turn to the group, they all had eyes on the two of you. You cock your head to the side, asking a silent question of what’s going on.

“Aren’t you two lovebirds getting cozy.” Tony wiggled his eyebrows at you and you start to blush. Sam lets out a laugh. He pulls your legs into him.

“She’s mine now, shouldn’t have left me all alone with her. But really I just like these legs. So pretty, so soft. My precious.” He strokes your leg whole channeling his inner Smegal. There are snickers throughout. “Nah, nothing going on here, we just got used to our late night talks is all.”

The group nods, “So what are we watching?” You ask to get the subject off of you.

“I think, you should pick, but since it is you it will be (Y/F/M).” You nod. Gotcha there, you tend to be predictable when it came to movies. The movie begins and the room goes quiet. Even if it was your favorite, you feel your eyes grow heavy. Soon you’re nodding off snuggling even closer to Sam. No one noticed until the whispers started. You shifted in your seat, settling for the moment. A couple minutes later you do it again but with tears dropping down. Sam quickly gathers you up, pulling you in close to him.

“Ahhh, shh I gotcha baby girl, calm down it’s just a dream.” He’s running his hands along your back and legs, gripping you close. After a moment you go limp and slumber again.

He casts his eyes up taking in the team. The heartbreak is evident, a few guilty, some for witnessing it others being the cause of it. “Hey everyone relaxes, it happens. We all get them. She doesn’t have as many now but they pop up. We are working on them. Right now she just needs support and not too many questions.”

The group nods. Seeing their affirmation he stands up with you taking you to your room. He tucks you in and smoothes your hair back. You would be ok. You were strong and so freaking stubborn. Either way, you would make it and he would be there to help.


	8. PT 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A successful return. Now how will they handle being confronted daily with their fears?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me too much. Also not as long as it usually is. I apologize for the delay. I got super busy. Thoughts and comments always welcome.

“This whole situation is toxic. How can you, for one moment, even think of doing something like this? What started this in the first place? No, never mind I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me. I might do something unforgivable.”

 

Y/N POV

One would think after such a great reunion with everyone, you would be ok living in the same vicinity as Bucky. You pulled it off so well, something must have happened at movie night. For days you would catch your friends giving you side eyes, checking to see if you were ok, how you slept even. There was this undertone, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on buying it was there. You’d figure it out eventually.

Being as you were back in the city you called up your boss letting her know all had been resolved. She was brief with you, never really staying on topic as you talked. By the end, she told you they had replaced you and you would have to find other employment. She was soooo sorry, as she put it. The temp they hired just worked out a little too well. This left you without a job and without a home for the foreseeable future.

For once you buried your pride and approached Tony, he could help. You went to his workshop, knocking but knowing nothing could be heard over his rock. You slide the door open and stepped in. He was wearing a white tank top and covered in grease. He jammed around the place throwing holograms from place to place. Just watching made you dizzy and confused.

Finally, the song ended, “Hey, Tony.” You raised your voice to ensure he heard as the next song belted out of the speakers.

“Ah, munchkin. What brings you to my lair?”

“I..” You swallow, just say it, you reprimanded yourself. “I need your help. You see I lost my job and I really have no idea what to do now.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place! I have plenty to offer you, even if you want to try something out first. Just know you don’t have to work to stay here. Even if you need shopping money I’m here.” He had grabbed your shoulders, shaking you to emphasize how serious he was.

“Alright, let me know. I think I’ll take some time off first. I haven’t had real downtime in forever.”

“Perfect, I’ll have FRIDAY send you potentials let her know which you like.”

You gave him a quick hug and skipped away. You were coming down the hall toward the living room when you turned the corner. This landed you face to face with a certain redhead. You both froze staring at each other. Besides dinner that night you hadn’t seen her, she was good at what she does but here she was. You stared at her taking her in., her cheeks hollow, her eyes had bags so deep in color it looked almost painted on, even her hair that flaming red seemed dull hanging limply around her face.

Sadness sweeps over you again, she looked so small now. This person was a complete opposite of what you had grown to know. It was then that anger, courses through. She should be suffering, how could she not? What she did to you, she deserved it. You shudder this wasn’t like you, this strong hate. She was your friend at one point, she shouldn’t be wasting away like this. It was still there though the anger, the pain.

Nat saw the shudder and the residual anger on your face. Taking a step back from you, she assessed the situation trying to find the quickest way out. She tilted to make her retreat when she paused.

“(Y/N), I… I can’t… I’m sorry. It should have never happened and I know you may never be able to forgive me but I am truly sorry.” She hiccups eyes filled with tears. For the moment you let the anger take over.

“It still happened, you let it happen. You choose this, you went behind my back and slept with my boyfriend. I told you everything about him and us. All the problems, the tears, and struggles. Everything! So no I can’t forgive you and a part never wants to. You lied to my face multiple times went behind my back. Heck, you’re probably still sleeping with him still. But I get, you one, you got the guy. Just don’t expect me to be happy for you either.”

You were yelling at her by the end. Trying to show her just a glimpse of the pain you felt and the anger. “We aren’t together, we broke it off I can’t even look at him. Knowing what I did to you. Please, we want to make it better, I promise nothing is going on between us.”

“Your promises mean nothing to me now. I don’t think you fully know how much it hurt to not only lose both my best friend but to find I lost my boyfriend to her. I lost everything now because you two decided to go behind my back and pretend that what we had was real.”

You were so confused, she had gotten what she wanted. Bucky was her’ s and as far as you were concerned she could have him. Then why did you want to believe her? No, crave to believe it.

“I can’t do this with you any more Nat, just leave me alone.” With that, you shoved passed her.

You were fuming when you walked into the main room as your luck would have there sat Bucky at the kitchen counter. You almost went back the way you came, only you saw Nat still down the hall. You were quite literally between a rock and a hard place. You sigh and resign yourself to your fate of having two not needed conversations.

You head to the fridge pulling it open. Bucky’s head jerks up and stares at you rummaging through the food.

“Oh, hey (Y/N), I.. um.” You ignore him it clear he had heard your conversation with Nat. You tense, but you are actually kind of glad. He knew how you felt now, where he stood with you. Maybe he wouldn’t try anything now. It wasn’t meant to be as he clears his throat.

“You know what she said is true we haven’t done anything since you left. We are barely able to stay in the same room now.”

You bang the fridge door closed, your appetite now gone. “I don’t care Bucky, I’m sure you heard and I’ll repeat you won. You got what you wanted, nothing is holding you back from her. I don’t want to talk to you anymore either.”

“I need to talk to you though. I messed up, but I want to fix it. Please, I’ll do anything, just tell me what to do, doll.”

“Don’t call me that, I’m no longer your doll. Based on how this conversation is going I won’t be your doll ever again.” The name that once made butterflies erupt now left a foul taste in your mouth. You spin and march out of the room, huffing. You weren’t going to entertain them, they can’t just walk back in expect everything to go back. All because they finally understood how much pain they had caused. How much of a ‘mistake’ they had made.

You needed a distraction and fast, so you turned to the one person that had done so so far.

Bucky POV

 

She practically ran away from him. He drops his head into his hands. Why was this so hard? He opened up to her, admitted he was wrong. Sam was right, as much as he hated to admit it, this was going to be the hardest thing he was going to do.

Steve walked in to see his friends head laid low. He can up behind him clapping him on the back.

“Hey man, everything alright?” He takes a seat next to him.

“No, everything is not alright, I don’t know what to do Steve. She was just here, I apologized to her but she said it meant nothing.” He could wrap his head around it all. This wasn’t like her, this wasn’t in any way like (Y/N). She was the most caring, selfless person, no matter what happened she was always there for him. No, that she wasn’t he didn’t know what to do about it anymore.

“Bucky, I know it may seem helpless right now, but see it from her point of view. She has lost everything that she holds dear. She can’t just trust you again because you say you’re sorry. How many times did you lie to her? Go behind her back? I’m not saying you won’t ever be forgiving, but it will take time a lot of time. She has to learn to trust you again. I know Sam told you this but this is work and it’s hard, but I know you can do it. I’ll be here to help.”

Bucky blinked at him, after everything that he had done, no one would blame Steve for not trusting him. He wrapped his arms around Steve pulling him in close.

“Thank you, for believing me. You didn’t have to but you do.” He had tears on his face. Not letting Steve go.

“You were stupid but I know you can do better and will. This is your last chance, jerk I can’t help you if you screw it up again.”

“Punk, I’m not letting her go ever again.” They pounded the others back and let go.

“Don’t push Bucky, let her come to you that’s the only way this is ever going to work.” He nods and wipes his tears before anyone could see.

“Ok, I can do that. I need…. I need to talk to Sam. He has ideas, I’m sure he can help me.”

“He can, this is going to work out I promise. I like what you did with the dinner, I think she liked it too.”

Again Bucky nods. Leaving Steve he goes to find Sam. He just needs to talk get this all off his chest. He had kept up talking to Sam but instead of over the phone now it was just in person. Having come to rely on it, it was a little harder with (Y/N) around though. It seemed like Sam and she were attached at the hip. One could hardly find one without the other, whispering between each other and laughing at private jokes between them. They seemed to be getting awfully close.

FRIDAY informed him of Sams location in the gym. Moving quickly he headed down. Just as he was reaching the door though he heard voices.

“Sam, thanks for always helping me.” Bucky knows that voice, it’s (Y/N). He stops trying to listen in through the closed door.

They must have retreated farther into the room and with Tony’s impressive sound blocking all the rest of the conversation. He crept closer trying to see in without being seen. The only perk of his Winter training, observing without being seen.

What he saw though made his heart stop. There they were standing close to each other, not an inch between them, suddenly he sees Sam’s hand come up and cradle the back of her neck. He tilts his head and their lips collide.

Bucky jerks away. He’s lost her and he’s lost her to the man that said he was going to help him.


	9. PT 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what happened in the Gym and how will Bucky react

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooooo sorry I got caught up in the holidays and wasn’t inspired like I usually was. But here it is. Also, I do enjoy reading all my comments they brighten my day, so even a one-word comment is always welcome.

“I’ve always noticed the looks between you, but I shrugged it off. You chose me but did you ever really pick me. I can’t compete against that. She’s perfection, and I actually thought you would be OK with having something like me. Like I could ever be enough for you. I shouldn’t have tried, you must have always known you were settling for less than you deserved. Why did you ever entertain my selfishness? She has everything, the looks, the skills, the charm, and the support you need. Why didn’t you leave me sooner?”

 

Y/N POV

You stormed away from the pair looking for Sam. You were so angry you didn’t even think to ask FRIDAY for a location. Going from place to place you finally find yourself in the gym. Sam is alone and currently doing pull-ups. You pause and take in the situation, why was it you always ran to Sam?

He was always there for you, lending a listening ear, even before this whole drama started. He chose to stay with you, instead of going with the team to save people. You can’t help but realize that Sam was the greatest friend you could ever ask for. Never once letting you down. You go back to all the late night movies and talks. The laughs over jokes and fun times.

“What was that like 2?” You call out knowing that he had done at least 8 since you came in.

“Haha, very funny. Don’t be jealous just cause you can’t do any.” He chuckles wandering over to you.

“I can take you any day, Ma'am.”

“Oh, it’s on!” He starts stalking towards your eyes locked on you. You take off running around the room. You both weave in and out of the equipment. Finally, you sprint across the room making a break for the door. He tackles you, on the sparring mat. You flip over attempting to block the tickles that are falling upon you.

“Uncle, uncle I give. Stop. Please.” You were, trying to get more air into your lungs. He stops and stands up. He leans over offering his hand to you. You grab it and hoist yourself up, finding yourself alarmingly close to Sam. You look up suddenly meeting his eyes, it was like the world and all your troubles meant nothing anymore. You had never quite noticed how pretty his eyes were. How they seemed to draw you in and make it seem like everything was going to be just fine.

Suddenly he was leaning in, slowly bringing his hand up to cup your jaw. For the life of you, you couldn’t find the will to stop him, even more so you didn’t want him to. He guided you gently toward his lips, he didn’t force it even allowing you to pull back if you wanted to. You could try at least, your lips met pressing together in a tentative kiss. You both pull away, making eye contact you both react at the same time. Faces scrunched, you both wipe your lips.

“Not to be rude but nope not doing that again,” Sam says after a moment.

“Totally agree with you there, kind of like kissing my brother or something.” You nod back at him.

“You have been totally friend-zoned now. You never come out of there.” He laughs at you, you soon join in. That had been a mistake but now that you had made it you felt lighter almost like a decision had been made from it.

“You know, I only came in here to talk to you about what just happened with Bucky and Nat, but I have to say I’m glad we that out of the way.”

“So, what happened?” He says putting his arm around your shoulders pulling you in.

“Let me tell you, but first why don’t we grab something to eat first and maybe you can shower, because no offense but you smell something fierce.”

“Whatever you love me. But I like that idea.”

You both turn and head out to the kitchen both now firmly on the same page.

Heading into the kitchen, you are murmuring to each other trying to figure out a plan. The team is gathered around in various places chatting together. You notice Bucky off to the side, Steve is talking to him but you can tell he isn’t paying attention. His hand is tightly gripping a cup and you can see the cracks forming on the cup. His eyes snap up to meet yours, you draw closer to Sam with the anger you see. It left you confused, he had no right to be angry with you. It should be the other way around. The glass breaks in is hand, you freeze watching him. React to the situation.

For the life of you, you can’t figure out what has set him off. So you huff at him and begin to ignore him. If he wanted to act like an infant than so be it but see if you gave 2 cares.

“Sam, what would you like to eat?” You face Sam, ignoring the stunned look on his face. You raise an eyebrow trying to encourage him to make a decision.

“Uh, just get me a sandwich, and maybe some chips,” Sam says looking around the room. You couldn’t see it but everyone was looking at you like you had lost your mind. He shrugs at them.

“Coming right up.” You begin to assume le the requested items.

“Hey, uh (Y/N) You feeling alright?” Tony asks handing you turkey from the fridge.

“Yeah, I’m doing just dandy. How about you Tony? Everything good with you?” You smile up at him, head slightly tilted to the side questioning his question silently.

“Oh, I’m good a little confused though? Usually, you go to help when you see… Well, anytime something breaks you always…” He falls quiet not quite sure how to explain what should be obvious to you, what he thought was in your nature really.

“Not when the reason for it is a grown man acting like a 2-year-old throwing a tantrum. Then no I don’t feel the need to help him clean up his own stupid mess.” With that, you turn around and begin to march out.

“Excuse me?! You want to repeat that?” Bucky is absolutely fuming when you turn around. His face is red and his chest is puffed out.

You turn around to confront him. Slowly you hand the plate to Sam. “I think you heard me just fine, but let me repeat it for you. I don’t help a GROWN man, who is throwing a TANTRUM, like a TWO-year-old, clean up his mess.” You cross your arms and stare him down. You could feel your own blood beginning to boil at this point.

“You dare call me that when you’re over here pretending to be a victim. When the only thing you want is attention.” He takes a step forward and Steve jumps in front of him holding him back.

You meet him head-on. “Don’t talk to me like that you prick, unlike you I didn’t have to jump into someone else’s pants to get it.” You’re yelling at him. Sam has placed the plate down and is now holding you back as well. “Let me go, Sam, I’m going to knock him into next week.” You strain against him trying to get a punch in.

“Yeah try to get past him. You couldn’t knock me anywhere. You’re so weak and pathetic. I’m almost surprised you didn’t ask Sammy boy here to do it for you.” Bucky chuckles darkly.

“Don’t you dare bring him into this. Jerk, you think just cause you’re an avenger you can do and say whatever you want. Well, you can’t. I could take you down a couple notches. You just have your head so far up your butt, you can’t even see what an arrogant douche you’ve become. Maybe when you’ve removed your head we can have a talk like normal adults, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to you insult me or anyone else any longer.” You turn and walk out leaving Sam to scramble after you.

Bucky POV

 

He was clenching his fists and panting with how angry he was at her still. Just strolling in here pretending that she hadn’t just been lip-locked with Sam.

“What’s the matter with you, jerk?” Steve finally releases him staring him down. He’s not the only one, the rest of the team is staring at him as well.

Bucky shook his head, they didn’t know. He wasn’t going to be the one to tell them either.

“If you thought that was going to help you get her back you are seriously demented,” Steve said. “You said you wanted her back. You certainly didn’t seem like you wanted that just now.”

Bucky pulled his glare to Steve, but it died quickly. He knew Steve only meant the best even if it didn’t seem like it. He pulled in a breath and counted. When he released it, it was shaky. He screwed up again.

“Why do I do this? It seems like the only thing I’m capable of doing is hurting her. Maybe I should just let her go. She doesn’t deserve someone like me, constantly making mistakes.” He’s looking at the floor and his shoulders begin hunching up more. From his tone, they can all tell he’s more trying to convince himself than anyone. How does he give up the greatest thing that has ever happened to him? Heck, how did he manage it the first time?

“Oh no, you don’t just get to dip out when it gets hard, Tin Man.” Tony pulls in front of him. “You said you were willing to do anything to get her back. Now prove it! We all make mistakes, I’m King of those things, as much as I hate to admit it. Take it from me, don’t you dare let her go. You can show her that you can be everything she wants and needs.”

Bucky is staring at him. They never had a great relationship, when he started dating (Y/N) Tony had not so subtly told him he would pay if he hurt her. So the fact that he was helping him absolutely floored him. His mouth fell open.

“Shut it, man, I know what I told you before, but I know for a fact that the one way to stop her hurting is to get you back together. You may not see it but the rest of us do. The lingering stares between you, the going out of the way to get advice on how to handle things. The only thing that hasn’t happened is a confrontation to get it all out.”

He continued to stare, that was some dang good advice. “How do I fix this? I’ve fallen so far I don’t see a way out anymore. This probably screwed any chance I had.”

“Well, the good thing about the bottom the only way to go is up. To start you might just want to take her advice and get your head out your rear. She wants a genuine apology and to show her that she is worth everything you have to give. Let’s start with small things for now. She. Never was a big bang kinda girl she prefers subtle. So we start with….” Tony is going off now, full of ideas.

Bucky though grabs on to them drinking them in. The others throw in ideas and pitch out the crazies, yo which there are quite a few. The girls, yes even Nat comes to help. They are all wary of her words but after a while her words ring true, calling a halt to any hate towards her. In fact, most of what she says is put into play.

An hour or so later they have a plan. It’s derived from only the best intentions and everyone’s sole focus to make (Y/N) happy. They are calling it Operation Happy Ending. Syncing their watches they break and head out each with an assigned task. Bucky’s is by far the hardest as it begins with an apology.

He approaches her room, each step heavier than the last. Finally, he knocks on your door, praying silently that Sam wouldn’t answer and wasn’t there. To his relief he wasn’t, she’s now dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Her face falls slightly at see him at the door. Obviously not who she expected.

“Can I help you?” Her voice is cold and holds a slight disdain for him, she is definitely still upset with him.

He drops his face down, not meeting her eyes. This was getting harder by the second. Not the apology but the outcome. What if she didn’t forgive him? Shut the door in his face? Wanted to never see him again?

“I…. I wan… I wanted to apologize for for…… for what I said back there. About you just wanting attention and playing a victim. It’s not true, but you know that I know that, everyone knows that. I… just got jealous seeing you and Sam together. Being friends, not that any of that is new.” He is tripping over his words forming a stutter he never had before. “What I mean is, I can’t believe I ever said something so wrong about you. You have every right to be mad at me and hate me forever. I was wondering though if you would let me make it up to you. You don’t have to forgive me, just maybe give me a chance to show you how sorry I am about everything?”

He finally looks up at her, heart in his eyes. Shirt balled in his hands from where he has been pulling on the material during his spiel. He wanted nothing more than to run but he needed her to say yes.

“I don’t know, I don’t think I’m ready to…” She is searching for an answer trying to better explain how she feels.

“I don’t want anything big promise maybe just a movie or game night with the team. A day out shopping, just let me show you how much you mean to me and how sorry I am.” He was desperate at this point begging her to see, and willing to give anything for it. “Sam can come to, anyone can whatever make you comfortable. Really anything just gives me one more chance, I won’t mess this up. I promise.” He gently grabs one of her hands holding on almost trying to make her feel how desperate he is.

“Alright, a game night and a day of shopping don’t sound bad.” She nods, Bucky releases the breath he was holding. “But one more chance, I don’t think I can handle anything else.”

“Ok, thank you, thank you. You won’t regret this I promise things will be better.”

She giggles softly at him and how desperate he is. He jerks his head again to meet your eyes. This time the hope was clear as day in his eyes. He had a chance now to make this alright with her.


	10. PT 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s movie night! And the start of Operation Happy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thousand apologies for the delay. I started working more and I’m pretty sure the heat here is melting my brain making me unable to function. Anyway, I am doing my best to write these chapters but not make them crap. Patience is always appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Bucky POV

It’s all set up ready to go, the first phase of Operation Happy Ending is a go. The room has been set up to make a moviegoers dream. All (Y/N)’s favorite movies and snacks are laid out. He has commandeered her blanket and pillow setting up her own personal viewing spot, or throne as Tony is calling it. Everyone gets settled waiting for her arrival, Bucky is antsy hoping she likes what she sees.

Finally strolling in, clad in her most comfy pajamas, she takes in the area. Bucky jumps up and rushes her. He stops a couple feet before making sure to give her space.

“Hi, um… Thanks for coming.” He mentally slaps himself, really that’s what he’s going with. “I got your favorites, also I kinda stole… no took your blanket you can sit here, or you know wherever you want, you don’t have to sit here. Oh and your pillow as well, wanted you to be comfortable.” He could just die of embarrassment now, stuttering and make a downright fool of himself.

“Thanks, Bucky.” She can’t help the smile that creeps to her face with how awkward Bucky is being. “I think though that I picked last time so why don’t you pick. But nothing too sappy Ok?” He nods his head vigorously, practically giving himself whiplash while doing it.

He shuffles to the movies, he panics not knowing what to pick. He swings his eyes to the group trying to figure it out. Sam comes to the rescue starting a debate on what to watch. They go back and forth until Die Hard comes out on top.

“I hope you all don’t expect me to eat all this. I know I like these but there is a lot here.” As if on cue everyone lunges forward plucking up snacks.

Bucky turns back from the Bluray player and pauses unsure now of where to sit. Seeing his dilemma (Y/N) gently pats the spot next to her. He sits but not too close to cause discomfort, but not too far to seem like he didn’t want to be there.

As the movie starts he is as stiff as a board. Not moving in case he upsets you in some way. He doesn’t reach for any snacks either. Hearing a faint chuckle from her his head turns questioning what was going on. She leans over to him.

“If you wanna prove we can work, you might want to relax a little. It kind of seems like you don’t want to be here.” She moves back. Releasing the breath he didn’t know he was holding he sinks into the couch. Telling himself to chill out, be cool. He lays his arm across the back of the love seat.

As the movie goes on she starts to stretch out, her feet inching closer and closer to him. By the halfway point they are in his lap his other arm slung over top. Every once in a while she would glance at him indicating she wanted another treat. He is more than happy to oblige.

When the movie is over the light fade up. She tense as the others look around and stretch in their seats. Quickly removing her feet and sitting up. She doesn’t make eye contact with him simply standing and muttering a quiet Thank you and good night. He sits confused as to what happened. It went well she even let him sit next to her.

“Give it time Barnes. This was a good start, she probably just felt like it was rushed. That’s the one thing both of you can’t afford to do.” Tony pats his shoulder as he exits. Bucky nods even though no one can see and begins to clean up the room.

He is met with a pair of hands helping him. He looks up seeing Nat collecting open bags of food. She smiles timidly. Jerking his hands back her smile fades. He couldn’t be alone with her that would send the wrong message.

“I want to help. I need my best friend back as much as you want your girl back. I promise nothing more.” She holds her hands up still full of things and shakes her head.

He eyes her for a moment before he nods. No more words are shared between them. Just another silent truce with each other. With the room looking spotless they nod to each other before parting ways.

He continued to his room, thinking over the evening and what happened. For the most part, it went well, she seemed to have enjoyed herself. Why though had she pulled away when the lights come up? Tony had some truth I what he said of course. He was just going to have to be careful around her. Maybe he needed to do more. Suddenly it came to him, the perfect idea something not too big but showed how much he appreciated her willingness to go with his crazy ideas.

He left his room once more in search of supplies.

(Y/N) POV

 

Sunlight streamed through your window, falling directly over your eyes. For a moment you wanted to be grumpy. The darn sun always waking people up! You turn to burrow your face into your pillow. Suddenly the details of the evening before come back. It forms a small smile on your face.

You had a blast last night, in all honesty, it was the first time you had truly been relaxed since you got back. This whole time you had been focused on putting up this appearance like everything was ok. That everything that happened, yes made you mad but otherwise didn’t affect you. To have that weight lifted, no matter how temporary, was amazing.

You sit up stretching, taking a couple deep breaths. It was going to be a good morning. You walk to your door heading out for breakfast when you pause to see a balloon staring at you. It was plain nothing in it just a vivid (Y/F/C). You follow it down to see a breakfast tray, it is filled with really anything you could possibly imagine wanting for breakfast. On the side though is a small vase with a single (Y/F/F). Leaning against it is a card with your name on it. You bend to pick up the tray bringing it to the bed before you settle in. Opening the envelope you gently pull the card. The outside simply says “Thank You”. You had a feeling who it was from and the thought made you quickly pry open the letter. There is his handwriting, scratchy but much better than his usual writing.

Dear (Y/N),

Thank you for joining me last night for a movie and snacks. I really enjoyed your company. It was a pleasure to sit next to you and also enjoy your treats together. I hope I wasn’t to forward with you at the end of the movie. I was just very excited to be able to spend time with you again. As you can see I have made you a quite a selection of breakfast for you. Please enjoy and rest easy for the morning. I would also like to take this time to invite you on a shopping adventure with me and whomever you would like to tag along as well. It doesn’t have to be today, just let me know and I’ll be ready.

Yours Truly,

James Barnes

 

If someone had walked in they would have seen a radiant smile splitting your face. He was just so awkward and sweet all at the same time. Writing a thank you card just for a movie night. It was different but so him at the same time. You wondered how many cards had been tossed till he got the right words down.

Thinking back though you had been cold to him after the movie. You got so caught up in the movie that you forgot for a moment the things that had passed between you. Your smile fades, in a way it kind of felt like he was trying to buy you back. Bribe you with your favorites and his knowledge of things you liked to do. You close the card, it wasn’t going to be that simple. You pace your room, fuming at his audacity thinking to win you over this way, he was a fool. He hadn’t even explained why everything happened yet, let alone give you answers for anything you asked during your fights. You flip the card over onto the tray as it flutters you see more writing on the back.

P.S.

I know I upset you yesterday and I’m not trying to win you back by merely giving you your favorite things. I just lack the words to tell you, to explain how badly I screwed up. I want to show you that even though you may never forgive me, that you may move on, I’ll still be your Bucky, willing to do whatever it takes to get you back no matter how long that takes.”

You shake your head, he always did seem to know what you were thinking and how you would react. Also, it would be a shame to let this breakfast go to waste. You hunker down again chowing down into the breakfast.

A knock sounds at your door, you tell them to enter. Sam’s head pops out, taking in the scene before strolling all the way in plopping himself onto your bed.

“Well good morning sunshine. Didn’t see you for breakfast got concerned. But here you are with a small stash all for yourself. Greedy much?” He leans over and snatches a grape.

“Woah hands off, pal. Bucky happened to make this for me.” You attempt to shoo him away though it didn’t work as he grabs a couple more things from the tray.

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Oh really?” You nod and pass over the note. He reads quickly, “I wonder how much paper he went through to get this?”

“That’s what I said! It’s so proper and polite. Definitely not like him.”

“He probably looked it up on the internet. Though it sounds like he is trying to win you back by spending time and doing everything you love.”

You pull the card from him flipping it around so he could see the other side.

“Scratch that he does know you inside and out, but it’s good to know that’s not what he intended. Have you guys talked yet?” You shake your head. “Of course you haven’t. Well, I think the only thing that will help is talking. Get everything out there.”

“I just, I get so angry and sad when I see him. I really just want to punch him and call him names. I don’t know how to do it.” You shake your head the whole thing seems like a lost cause to you.

“Well this is your olive branch from him, you’re going to be spending time together, you’ll know what to do when the time comes.” He rises from the bed snatching a whole plate of goodies as he goes.

“Oh way to be cryptic, thanks for that Buddha. Stop stealing my food!!” You lunge after him.

“Nope this is your consultation fee, I the great Falcon do not come free.” He laughs and quickly leaves devouring the food as he went.

You throw your head back against the pillows, huffing. Well, no time like the present. Cleaning up you exit your room and head to the kitchen. Wanda is the only one present at the moment, quietly sipping on her orange juice.

“Hey Wanda, good morning.”

“Hello (Y/N), you’re up late today.”

“Yeah, Bucky made me a humongous breakfast this morning.”

“Oh?” She raises her eyebrow, exactly like Sam in fact.

“Yeah it was good,” you switch topics not wanting the exact same thing said to you again. “ So speaking of him, Bucky invited me to go shopping, I was wondering if you would mind joining us?” You peak up at her from where you are washing your dishes. You try not to look too desperate for someone to join you.

She is studying you, “You think that’s a good idea? I mean only yesterday you were yelling at each other. Practically threatening to scratch his eyes out.”

“Well yeah, he wants a second chance and I figured I could at least try, maybe be friends with him again. That’s also why I want you there, make sure he’s not pulling anything over on me. I mean I was going to see if anyone else wanted to join us as well.”

She keeps looking at you. You’re not sure if she’s trying to decide if she wants to go or if you have gone completely insane overnight.

“I don’t want to seem like a naysayer, I just want you to be careful. We all saw how much it hurt you when he made you leave. I can’t watch you go through that again. This could just be a phase, maybe seeing you back he regrets it now but what about down the line. Also, Natasha and he haven’t spoken or interacted since you got back what happens when they do?”

You pause what you’re doing she had valid points, as far as you knew this was just temporary. “Your right and I don’t want to get hurt like that again. Maybe that’s part of why I pulled back last night. But I want this to work. I want him back I do. Since I left and especially this morning, he knows me almost too well. I was reminded of all the good times and when he was there for me when I needed him. He knows everything the when, where, and how much. I feel like if I don’t let him try it’s throwing all that away. I need to give him this chance. I just want to believe he loves me and always has.”

You were crying bearing your soul to her. You wanted so bad for this to work out. For him to realize the mistake he made and never let you go again. You didn’t want to hurt and no more tears. You wanted to be someone’s true love again, to have that person that completes you so seamlessly.

Wanda swiftly moves around the counter taking you in her arms. Letting you cry out all the pain and anguish of the love you had lost. Guiding you to the couch she rocks you, gently rubbing her hands up and down your back. You fall into the occasional whimper and sniffle.

Still holding you, “Why don’t we try this? Next month is your birthday so we need to find you an outfit. We can go shopping next weekend. This way Bucky has more time to adjust to you being here. We can see if he goes running off to Natasha or if he is serious. That and you can start building your relationship from the bottom, spend time don’t just leave when he is in the room. Have those needed conversations. Then next Saturday we all go out and have some fun. We can even take Nat.” You jerk slightly at the idea. “Yes, you will have to deal with her eventually. I can tell you though that she is truly sorry and wants to make it up to you.”

You nod your head taking it all in. “Good! Now let’s move on with our day. I believe Tony wanted your assistance in the lab. Something about needing a guinea pig slash evil sidekick.”

Wiping your tears, you draw Wanda in hugging her tight. “Thank you. It’s probably the latter. Tony was finding a job for me, I think mostly to keep me close but I also I need something to do.”

“Perfect, go get changed because your whole look right now does not scream evil side kick right now.” She chuckles and pushes you toward your room.

“You’re right, this reads more lazy assistant. Oh wait, I should let Bucky know about next Saturday.”

“I got it, plus I’m headed to the gym anyway. That’s where the most likely is.”

Rushing to your room you dress and hustle to the lab. With each step, you grow a little more confident in your future. Everything would work out in the end and your friends would be there to help you through it all.

Entering the lab you are greeted, “Come pinky, it is time to take over the World!”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It different working for Tony. This leads to a very awkward situation over lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here it is Part 11 can’t really believe I made it this far. I hope you enjoy. Just forewarning it’s about to get pretty awkward in this chapter.

Y/N POV

 

Working with Tony was quite the experience. Yes, it kept you busy, but it also kept you on your toes. You never could figure out when he would ask for some random things. Or send you on “missions”, these were mostly you spying in people and getting gossip. At the end of the day though you couldn’t complain. You had asked for any kind of work and this was it.

Today’s task was to sit by the door and tell everyone that ventured near that no they couldn’t come in. That Tony was having a stroke of genius. He had you doing some paperwork as well to pass time.

It had been 3 days since you had breakfast in bed. Nothing as dramatic had happened since but the sweet gestures had continued. Post it notes could be found on various surfaces, all stating how gorgeous you looked, how hard you worked, and the ever constant presence you had in his life. You had to admit it made you blush when reading them. A few would have a single flower laying next to them. You collect them and place them in a cup reminding you of him still.

This particular day had a steaming cup of hot cocoa, with whip cream and chocolate shavings, it was sitting on your “desk” waiting when you arrived at the lab. Picking it up you see the chicken scratch scribble on the note, you know who it’s from.

Your day continues fending off any who venture neat and making good headway in the large stack of papers. You’re not quite sure what caught your attention, but suddenly you look up locking eyes with none other than Natasha. You stare at each other for a moment before hers drop to the desk.

“Tony asked to see me.” She mumbles slightly as if the statement might insult you or hurt.

“Oh, let me check with him. He’s told me to ward off all people from the lab. Something along the line of having a breakthrough.” You stand and turn towards the door. You quickly turn back once you realized how that sounded. “Not that I don’t trust that he called you bit usually he lets me know.” You were your hands a bit to clear the misunderstanding.

“That’s fine no problem.” She shrugs letting you go on.

You quickly enter. Spotting Tony rummaging through a large bin. It appears as though wires are creeping up his arms and oil spreads over his cheeks and forehead.

“Hey Tony, Nat is here to see you.”

He doesn’t even look up merely dives deeper into the box. “Nope not right now, I’ve almost got it. Tell her after lunch maybe. In fact, why don’t you go as well.”

You freeze. Lunch alone with Nat. You hadn’t even been in a room alone with her since you got back.

“I…”

“Nope, don’t want to hear it. Go have lunch with her. Talk, eat, discuss ladies panties for all I care. Just don’t come back for at least an hour.” He dismisses you once more by turning his back on you for another bin.

You exit the lab and face Nat. “So he doesn’t want to see you until after lunch.”

“Gah, he told me to rush up here cause it was important.” She sighs before her head snaps up to look at you. “He wouldn’t. That arrogant son of a …” She pushes her hands through her hair.

“He said we were to go to lunch together. As he put it talk, eat, or discuss panties.” You cock your head and look at her expectantly.

“Really that what he went for that. Subtle.” She chuckles before looking up at you once more. “So wanna grab lunch then?”

It takes but a moment to decide. This could be a potentially good thing for you both. Of course, there was that big helping of doubt, the i-don’t-know-if-I-can-go-there feeling, all this happened in about 2.4 seconds before you found yourself nodding your head in agreement.

You can see Natasha’ s shoulders raise. There is not in her eyes as she nods her head as well. She must really think she had no chance to make up with you. “Yes, you wanna go to that little cafe down the street that we like?”

“Yeah, I haven’t had them in forever.”

You head out. At this point, it grows a little awkward. Too much to be said, and no idea where to start. Nat never one to shy from a challenge starts with the innocent.

“How’s working with Tony? Must be a hassle most days.”

You chuckle, you couldn’t help but agree with her. “Yeah, mostly it’s just random things he wants me to do. Like you saw today, guard the door. One time he literally made me just sit in the lab and talk to him.”

She chuckles, “So not really working at all.”

“Nope. I don’t even know how to put it down on a resume when I update mine.”

“You could put Assistant I guess, or personal servant down. But the perks can’t be all that bad working for Tony?”

“No, not at all. He sends me home early most times. I don’t know we will see how this goes, but for now, I’m not looking for much else right now.”

She merely nods her head, sensing a dangerous line of thought ahead. “Well good, the best part has to be traveling 2 floors to get to work though.”

“I know right, I could wake up 5 minutes before if I wanted and still make it. I have to say the rooms are pretty obnoxious size wise. I think it’s bigger than all the apartments I’ve had combined.” Your both laughing at this.

Upon reaching your destination the conversation lulls and you are quickly seated with menus. Even though you had just gotten there, there was a pleasant feeling settling over you. You had missed this, your ability to go out with your best friend and enjoy a meal.

Your orders were quickly taken, leaving you two to stare at each other. You shift a little trying to think of another topic.

She takes the leap, no more like full hurtle. “Hey (Y/N), I know you hate me right now but I wanted to say I’m sorry for what I did.”

You bristle, she thought she could just slide this in now. That just cause you were out with meant you forgave her in any sense. You raise your hand cutting her off. “Stop right now, I certainly don’t want to do this now and especially hear. I don’t want your excuses or any other crap you wanna spill out. I’m here to have lunch maybe have a decent chat. But don’t think for a second that I’ve forgotten or forgave you for what you did. Are we clear?”

She merely nods her head, breaking all eye contact. To say it got even more awkward after that. Neither of you would look the other in the eye. Both tried to make idle chit-chat but it all tempered out quickly. The only saving grace was the food arriving. You both could appreciate the food. It was amazing, they made all their bread fresh in-house every morning, meats roasted the night before sliced to order. You both hum in appreciation to the meal.

The rest of the meal consists of food appreciation and talk of work. Soon your finished and paid to head out once more to the tower. You both board the elevator and ride to your respective floors. You exit first, Nat quickly follows.

“(Y/N), I meant what I said. I am sorry and I want to explain even if not now but eventually. I miss my best friend.” She pleads to try to make you understand.

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you started sleeping with my boyfriend. From where I am it seems like you could care less if I’m around. Like I said not now and not here.” With that you flip around stomping back to the lab, leaving a distraught Nat in your wake.

Upon entering the lab you make your way to Tony. With him being hunched over his worktop he didn’t see you coming. Your hand flew slapping him over the back of the head.

“Ow!” He yelps rubbing the spot. “What was that for?”

“For forcing me to have one of the weirdest, awkward lunches I have ever experienced!! That’s what.” You are fuming at him pushing your hands through your hair and pacing around the lab. “You know what she did? She had the audacity to think that apologizing in the middle of a restaurant was a good idea. I mean really?! Right there so everyone could see our dirty laundry. The nerve!”

Tony can only stare at you. He thought it had been a good idea. It gave you both an excuse to talk, to see how much you needed each other. Unfortunately, it seemed to have backfired rather badly. Of course no he had a very angry lady to console.

“I’m sure she meant the best. It is the first time you’ve been alone. She wants to make up. What’s wrong with that?”

“What’s wrong? The fact that she chose then and there to do it. Just because I went out with her doesn’t mean I’m forgiving her yet. She’s never said anything before now. As far as I know, she still wants him and just wants my approval. She’s made no effort to make up with me. What am I supposed to think?”

“Woah, hold up Sparky! I’ll have you know movie night last week was Nat’ s idea. She just wants you to make up with Bucky. She knows she screwed up, you just need to give her a shot. Just like Bucky is getting one.”

“She just… I just… I don’t know anymore. I need to think. I need to get out, space something. Gah, why is this so hard?”

“Well, you are free to go if you want. Go grab somebody and go adventuring or whatever you call it.” He waves his hand at you.

“Thanks, Tony!” You scramble for the door.

“Yeah yeah, beats getting smacked again.” Dismissing you for his work.

You head out searching for a free soul to go adventuring with. You find yourself bumping into a very free looking Steve.

“What are you doing?” You ask strutting up to him with determination to get out.

“Nothing, why?” He looks confused by the situation.

“Well let’s go!” You sweep around him and continue to the elevator.

“Go? Go where?” Still lost in the situation.

“Adventuring, duh!” Wasn’t it obvious?

He picks up the pace and follows you as the doors shut you both inside.

“Oh, I guess that works?”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things can’t go on like they have it’s time to change some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All, I have had a rough month with writing no real motivation. But as today was my birthday today so I got my butt in gear and write this chapter enjoy. Also get ready for confrontations.

Y/N POV

Getting out of the tower turned out to be the greatest idea ever. Especially when it was with someone that you weren’t mad at. Steve and you spent the day galavanting about the city. You went sightseeing, Steve explained how things were back then, everything had changed of course. There was, of course, some shopping to be done, but it was nic-nacs little souvenirs from today’s travels. Your biggest find was a stuffed plush you had gotten from the aquarium, your favorite sea creature. The best find though was from a little shop that carried Avengers items. You had found it tucked in the back of the shop on the clearance rack. It had Tony wrote all over it, a red and gold mug stating The Stark Truth: Party All Night, Invent All Day, and A Little Love In Between with a picture of Iron Man on the other side. You had giggled the whole time. You couldn’t wait to give it to him when you got back.

It must have been a sightseeing Steve carrying this ginormous stuff you through the main lobby of the Avengers Tower. You had caught a few bug eyes yourself, you merely giggled while pulling Steve along a little faster eager to get home. The elevator ride was animated as you discussed the success of your day. You were both struggling to breathe, you were laughing so hard when the doors opened to the main living room. Clint was lounging with Natasha on the couch flipping through channels. Sam was talking to Wanda while pulling a massive sandwich towards him. He stopped it halfway there when you entered, letting lettuce and tomatoes fall out the back.

“What the heck is that?” Clint flips around on the couch leaning towards it. He is making grabby hands at it.

“This,” you say setting your other bags down to take the stuffy from Steve, keeping it well away from Clint. “This is my new boyfriend, Mr. Snickelfrits.” You pull him in and cuddle your face in the fur.

“Oh, give up on the human race I see, well darn shame. Let me see him. Wanna make sure he’s good enough for my girl.” He reaches out again to inspect the new boyfriend.

You can’t help but giggle handing the plush over. Clint takes the animal and gives it a few squeezes testing his worth. Then he straightens he is to get a good frontal look. “Hmm, good bone structure, clear eyes, don’t see nothing crazy here. Sufficiently lean, for now, might want to keep an eye out on it though. I know his kind.” He thrusts Mr. Snicklefrits down on the coffee table. “Now see here young man, you got yourself a good woman here. I don’t want to hear about any slacking off on your part you hear. I know how your kind works, getting lumpy and popping stitches after so long. Well, I won’t hear of it.”

He continues to educating him while the others laugh. You’re laughing the hardest by far loving every moment. You’re so caught up you don’t see the others gazes meeting around you. It was good to hear that laugh again to see the smile that splits your face. It had been too long for any of them.

You finally catch your breath and save your poor boyfriend from Clint’s grasp. “All right leave him alone. He will take perfect care of me. Now if you will excuse me for a moment I need to get him comfy in my room.”

“Wow, at that stage already. Moving pretty quick don’t you think?” Clint called after you. You merely stuck your tongue out at him, continuing to your room.

Mr. Snicklefrits settled you head back to the living room, where you find the group chatting quietly to each other. Natasha sees you first and quickly changes whatever subject they were talking about. You decide to ignore it for now. They had been meddling a lot recently but maybe they were finally catching on that it wasn’t going to end well. Marching up you through yourself onto the couch between them.

“OK weirdos, what are we doing tonight?” You shift your head from side to side searching for answers in their faces. Most looked down looking slightly guilty, some attempting to pull off the innocent look. It was not working, you were, however, going to let it slide for now.

“Hey ho, people,” Tony storms into the room completely missing the atmosphere. “It’s time to get our groove on we to have a game night! Go get ready!” He starts to show people out of the room. They were all more than eager to escape the room with a good excuse to leave.

“Tony!” You get up skittering over to the side table for his gift. “I got you something while we were out.” You thrust the package into his hands as you approached him. You watched him unwrap it while bouncing on your toes, hardly containing the excitement of seeing his reaction.

He pulled out, taking a moment before throwing his head back in a full belly laugh. You couldn’t help but giggle along with him, knowing you hit the jackpot with the gift. He quickly grabs you into a hug, forcing all air out of your lungs. You squeeze him back for a second before tapping his back indicating your need to breathe.

“Well, I totally won that one.” You say with a giant smirk on your face.

“You did indeed! Now, anything you need to make your self more comfortable?” He said morning to your current attire. You nod and head back to your room changing into one of your comfiest pair of yoga pants and a loose t-shirt.

Heading back to the living room you see a giant stack of games has been set on a table along with snacks galore on another. The group was chatting around the bar each grabbing drinks and chatting. Joining them you go to fix yourself a drink when a glass is a slide in front of you already full and rest to go. You send a sidelong glance towards the person to bequeath you the drink. Bucky sends you a small smile, you can see the hope in his eyes silently pleading for you to take the drink as a show of peace for the evening. You pick it up and sip, of course, it is perfect, just like every time before. You nod to him accepting.

Turning you find the majority have sat down and munched on snacks. They had left 2 seats open of course right next to each other. You sigh shaking your head while grabbing a plate of food for yourself. You sit and join the current argument on which games are to be played. Nat and Bucky are arguing for a card game, which came with protests of them being really good at cheating. Bruce and Tony also being able to count cards. Thor was confused and called for the simple games like the Go Fish and Finding the Old Maid with no name.

You laugh at their antics while quietly getting up and choosing a board game. Selecting your favorite you quickly return and set the box down. The others continue to rant while Bucky sends you another smile helping you set up the game and get all the appropriate pieces. They have finally noticed that a game has appeared before them and you and Bucky are quietly chatting over your cards. A little trash talk and a little plan of action.

Noises of agreement go around all once again sharing looks of accomplishment with each other. The game begins and you rotate through your turns. Throughout you find the usual stubborn people are giving in a little too quickly and Bucky is standing up for your choices a little too often. You feel a small twitch growing in your eye.

Games get traded for others, while funny stories get passed around. It’s pretty much how all your game night go. Bucky is practically your butler waiting on you hand and foot. Drink need to be refilled, done. More food, done. Piece or card on the floor, not even a chance to bend over before Bucky has returned it to you. The first twitch goes off after about the 6th time he asks if you need anything in an hour. You merely shake your head at him.

On the 4th game for the night, you’ve noticed a shift in the stories. Most of them containing time when Bucky and yourself were together. Everyone just keeps going, building it up. The twitch gets worse, the sighs more frequent.

It wasn’t that they weren’t good stories but did they have to be so obvious about their plan to get you and Bucky back together. It was the final straw when you got up to pick a new game. You headed to the table glancing at each trying to pick. You heard whispering behind you followed by a scrape from a chair. Bucky had joined you in picking a game.

“Do you need any help?” He whispers. You grip the table while dropping your head to the table in a vain attempt to calm yourself down. Muttering that he was just trying to help and the others were forcing him. You catch him shooting a look back towards the main table.

They must have signaled at him because he followed with, “Are you feeling ok?” You felt the snap, heck Bucky probably heard it. He could see the way your back went ramrod straight and your breathing became heavy.

“Go sit down.” It was more of a mumble really, your last ditch effort to remain calm. Of course, this is not understood by the super soldier. He reaches a hand out placing it on your shoulder. You flip around knocking it off you while turning to the group. Of course, this would have been easier if it wasn’t his metal arm on you. You had swung so fast you were sure a bruise and maybe a cracked bone in your hand now. You clutch your hand to your chest, bouncing on your toes like it would alleviate some of the pain.

Bucky began to fuss, focusing on making the pain go away, eyes panicked with raised eyebrows. His hand flirted about you looking for a place to hold. Since the group had already been blatantly staring anyway they rose to assist.

“Sit down, damn it.” You scream at them, finally coming to a standstill. No one headed your words, still coming towards you. You shuffle backward. “I said sit down, now sit! You as well.” You motion to Bucky. He carefully retreats not wishing to anger you further.

“I know this may come as a surprise to you, but I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I can pick a game out on my own. I am quite good at obtaining my own food. I don’t need to wait on hand and foot. I’ve not broken anymore.” There was a collective in the draw of air. You shoot all of them a glare freezing any words about to come out. “No, nope don’t even speak right now. I am so frustrated with you all right now.” You point your finger at Bucky staring him down making sure he would understand what you were about to say next. “You best make note of everything I’m about to say cause this is where we stand right now.” You scan over the rest of the group, some were innocent in all this but best get it all out at once to prevent future issues.

“Yes, Bucky and I have broken up. Yes, he did cheat on me with Natasha. Yes, I did run away for a little while. Yes, I was broken and confused on how to go on with my life. It seemed like the best choice at the time. Even though none of you listened to me you still came after me and I thank you for that. Who knows what would be happening right now if you didn’t. That being said I’m doing alright, I’m working through it with the help of you guys keeping me busy and entertained. The meddling has to stop.” There was a chorus of protests going up, but you shushed them. “Yes, you are don’t try to deny it. For a group of superheroes and spys, you aren’t good at hiding this kind of things. You’re so obvious about it, especially tonight. I need you guys to stop now. I need Bucky to show me himself that he is capable of fixing this, whatever this ends up being. Let him prove it on his own.” You glance at the man himself. “I’m not saying you can’t get advice or ideas from them, but I want it to be you. I’m tired of every single meal or event has to be some staged intervention. Tony is a perfect example, forcing Nat and me to go on one of the most awkward lunches ever. I’m not ready for that yet, yes I may need a shove eventually but that is on Natasha and how much she may or may not value our friendship. Just stop please with the plans. It’s their mistake to fix not yours.”

You huff once more before turning back to the table to blink the tears out of your eyes, your hand still throbbing. You loved them all to death, it just killed you that they couldn’t seem to understand how much this hurt you. You feel a hand upon your shoulder, Tony slowly turns you into his chest resting his chin on your head.

“Sorry Kiddo, we didn’t mean to make you feel this way. We’ll stop interfering and let whatever happens to happen. Now can we check out your hand, you’re bleeding.”

You pull your hand up to see the top scrapped up and a blueish purple tint forming. You pull a sheepish smile, nodding in agreement. Bruce and Tony lead you away to the med lab for a quick look. The doctor looks you over and tells you, you’ve cracked the 3 middle fingers in your hand. He gives you some pain. Meds and instructions to properly care for your brace and send you off.

It’s now about 2 am and people are still lounging around playing games. Sam sees you exit the elevator, quickly running over pulling you into a hug.

“Man I knew you were a special kinda stupid but really, though you could beat Bucky’s arm in a slap fight.” Pushing you away to examine the rest of you. You shack tour head with a laugh. One by one they all get a hug followed by an apology, though Thor apologized for no reason other than eating your snacks.

“Alright, I think we’ve had enough excitement for tonight let’s all get to bed. Including you Kiddo.”

You’re left with a squirming Natasha and Bucky. You couldn’t help but fidget as well this was the first time you had been alone with the both of them.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky speaks up first. “I just didn’t want to screw up the chance you’re giving me. You’re right though this is my problem and I want to fix it. I shouldn’t have related on them to fix it for me.”

“It’s alright I know why you did it, you know how they like to go overboard with things.” He chuckles and nods. “Bucky,” He lifts his head eager to please you. “I know you can do it, you did it the first time you can do it again.” He nods once more and passes you gently patting your shoulder.

“Oh and Bucky, this” you raise your hand and indicate the bandages, “not your fault. You do have a tendency to take the blame for things that can’t be helped. I shouldn’t have lashed out as I did. My temper got the best of me.” He gives his now signature nod and continues towards his room.

Going back to Nat, you take a small breath. She though beat you to the punch. “Thank you, for giving me another shot, I don’t know why in my ever mind I thought to separate you two was a good idea.” You go to interrupt her. She holds up her hand halting all protests. “Please just let me get this out.” You nod signaling her to continue. “I…I was jealous pure and simple. You had everything I wanted, down to the stupid little problems and I wanted that. Your relationship with Bucky and just complaining about little things from the office. I’ve never been jealous like this before, not with something so pure. I guess I was of you both. Bucky got the perfect relationship, with the normal love. I wanted it so bad it hurt. You had the guy who treated you like you were a Goddess and I wanted that. I’m not trying to reason with you make you forgive me. I want you to know how grateful I am that you still let me in your life and are giving me a chance to prove I was and am your friend and I will do anything to get that back with you. Please just tell me what to do to make it possible.” She had tears building in her eyes, her voice cracking several times while speaking.

Emotion runs through you, you want your best friend back. Every piece that made up its crazy self. From the shopping to the late-night talks with mountains of candy. Heck, you would even take being thrown to the mats a few times. There was this fear though that what happened before would happen again. You couldn’t just throw yourself wholeheartedly in it again.

“Its like I’ve told Bucky and the others, I need time. I can’t go straight back but I’m willing to try taking small steps. Maybe a couple lunches with Wanda or the others. I want my friend back, someone to talk to and gossip with I miss you but I can’t commit right now.”

She nods her head eager just like Bucky to make up. “I’ll do it anything and I’ll do it myself.”

She rushes up to you, pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. “Thank you for the chance.” Letting you go she retreats to her room. Sam comes out a few seconds later wrapping an arm around you.

“That was very brave, few would be willing to give it a shot like you have.” You shift to wrap your arms around his waist pulling yourself close.

“Just tell me I’m not making a mistake with this. I don’t want to hurt again but I want what I had before.”

He runs his hands up and down your back soothing your nerves. “I can’t, but I think you have two people that also want that just as much and are willing to work for it. You can’t take that for granted. It will all work out in the end. Life doesn’t come without pain though I can tell you that.”

Giving your arms a pat he leads you to the couch. Pulling up a movie you both cuddle with each other. You are quick to drift off, pain meds pulling you under quickly. You find yourself stretches out next to Sam, with the opening credits to whatever chosen movie begins to play.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I feel I have tortured you guys a lot recently. So here is some fluff and a potential of what could be! As always comments appreciated.

Pain waited for you when you woke up the next morning. Apparently sleeping on an injured hand wasn’t the best idea in the world. You flip over in the bed pulling the hand to you, willing the pain away. But the consistent throbbing had yet to ebb. As you rock yourself back and forth, a knock sounds throughout the room.

“Come in.” You manage to squeeze out.

Bucky’s head pops around the side. He takes in your state in an instant. He rushes to the side of your bed hands hover above you for a moment uncertain of what was permissible. Finally, he reaches for your hand drawing it up so he can inspect it.

“I had a feeling I would find you like this. And people say I’m hard-headed.” You chuckle slightly but it quickly turns into a groan.

“Jerk, I slept in it apparently. Now it hurts like no tomorrow.” You go back to rocking while Bucky remains to hold your hand. He perches himself on the edge, snickering at your antics.

“I figured that may be the case, so I brought you this.” He pulls a tube containing some clear liquid. You quirk an eyebrow at him. “It’s a painkiller, the liquid makes it quicker to absorb. Takes the pain away quicker.”

“You are an absolute Godsend right now. I knew I kept you around for a reason.” He throws his head back in laughter. You can’t help the little litter patter of your heart from hearing the sound. It had been a long time and you found you missed the sound.

You smile at him, “Alright time for breakfast. What are we having?”

You stand up and quickly head to the bathroom to get ready. You glance over your shoulder, waiting for Bucky to answer your question. You find him gazing back at you with nothing but appreciation in his eyes. You spin around hiding your blush, closing the door concealing all emotion from him.

You quickly attempted to yourself together not really trying to be one-handed made it extremely hard. You stuck to your PJs but added a bra that remained in your bathroom. To say that was hard was an understatement. You were soon grunting from trying to pull it down. The confounded thing had rolled in the back and refused to come down, as much as you stretched your arm and tried to be bendier than you were.

Hearing a knock, you jerk around towards the door. “Hey doll, everything alright in there?”

“Um, not really I’m kinda stuck.”

“Want me to help?” There is a slight stutter to his words, unsure if that is the right course of action. “Or you like me to go get Wanda?”

“No!” You rush out. “The fewer people know the more my dignity remains intact. Just don’t laugh.” You open the door admitting him to the bathroom. You turn your back to him. “See it’s all twisted and I can’t reach it.” You wave your hand across your back, demonstrating your lack of flexibility.

“Gotcha, let me help.” He reaches running his fingers beneath the band. You shudder, your skin raising goosebumps everywhere he touches. He still did things to you, your heart rate picking up. He rights the situation and slowly turns you around to meet his eyes. You stare into the stormy depths trying to figure out all the emotions flitting across the surface.

He clears his throat breaking the moment. “To think the great (Y/N) done in by a bra. That’s one for the books.” You scoff and proceed to slap him on the arm. Unfortunately for you, you used your bad hand.

“Bad idea, very bad idea.” Once more you are clutching your hand.

“Ha, serves you right for assaulting someone for telling the truth.” He exits the bathroom, also exiting the situation for further processing later.

Finally dressed, you head to the kitchen. Already you can smell the waffles and bacon in the air.

“Oh, my favorite!!” Speeding ahead, leaving Bucky in the dust.

“Whoa! SLOW down before you hurt yourself again.” Tony is surprisingly up and leaning against the counter, nursing a cup of coffee.

“But Tony, it’s waffles you know I can’t resist waffles or bacon for that matter.” You rush around the island searching for the source. Grabbing a plate you load up ready to eat. That is of course until you end up with too much on one hand. Forced to decide what to leave for the second trip. A hand reaches into your view grabbing the plate.

“Let me help, Gimpy.” Sam is smiling while going to the table with your plate.

“Ah thanks, you’re the best ever.” You place your cup down, before placing a kiss on his cheek. “What would I do without you?”

“Perish, that’s what.” You laugh nodding in agreement.

You don’t see the pain flash across Bucky’s face as you tuck into breakfast. Everyone files in grabbing food and settling around the table. The conversations turn lively, your pleasantly surprised when Bruce sits next to you. He asks about your hand, you go through your morning of struggles being one-handed.

“Don’t know what you have until it’s gone right.” He chuckles, nodding in complete understanding. Your day continues like this a blissful peace within the group. That was until Tony announced your party, with everything going on you had completely forgotten about it. You needed something to wear, as you were on the couch you shot straight up. Whipping your head toward Wanda and Nat on the love seat.   
“Crap, I was supposed to do that.”

Then you remembered Bucky’s invitation. You raise your voice, “Bucky!” Turns out he was only in the kitchen, so when he answered right above you, you almost jumped out of your skin.

“What?!”

“When did you get there?”

“I was in the kitchen getting coffee, now what do you want?”

“Shopping, we need to go shopping. My party is this weekend and I have nothing I want to wear. The girls also need something. Also, you did say you want to go.”

He nods in agreement, not believing you would actually go with him, but he would take what he could get.

“Perfect!” You jump from the couch, merely making eye contact with the girl communicating everything within a moment. You went your separate ways, leaving a very confused Bucky behind.

“Waits are we going or what?” He’s calling after you, spreading his arms to show how confused he was.

“Duh, we’re getting changed meet here back in 15. Get a move on.” You don’t even look at him just wave him off to get ready.

Bucky POV

 

In the car, the tunes were pumping out the stereo and all the girls were singing at the top of their lungs to the songs. He was groaning but still, a smile found its way on to his face at the three acting as nothing had ever happened between them.

Trying to tune the noise out he thinks back to the last couple days and everything that had happened. Game night had been great in his mind. Though the not so subtle way they interfered. Even while sitting next to her he could sense her annoyance though he was confused on whether it was something he had said or done or something different altogether. So when she had practically stomped away from The table he looked to the others for guidance.

He would say that the moment she snapped he was shocked, surprised really. More importantly, he was overjoyed. He could see her coming back. She had always been one to speak her mind, never letting anyone, especially him dictate her actions. So the fact that she put everyone back in their place sent a warm feeling spreading through his chest. Even though you couldn’t see it the proud grin set on his told everyone how glad he was to have the old (Y/N) back.

Of course, it was short lived when he saw her hand and the damage his metal arm had done. He had fluttered outside the exam room waiting to see if she was alright. Once he had confirmed he bolted out sure that he was the last person she wanted to see.

She once again squashed those thoughts the next morning with her assurances. Then that moment in the bathroom. It was a weird mix of feelings, the hope of being able to be of help to her and the fire that ignited by touching her again. She was perfect in every way, just those short brushes of his fingertips against her skin made him crave more.

A jab to ribs jolted him back into the present. “Hey, what was that for?”

Wanda laughs at him. “You’re about to miss the turn.”

He quickly puts on his blinker swerving over to catch the light. He made quick work of finding parking. They all piled out and where hooking arms, purpose driving their springy steps. Bucky had to chase after them, huffing at them when he finally caught up. They stuck their tongues out and went back on their way. It was almost predatory the way they moved through the shops. Eyes zeroing in on clothing, assessing its worth and visualizing what it would look like.

To Bucky, it was the most frightening thing he had ever witnessed. Instantly reminded of why he never went shopping with them. It was that and every store had to be examined thoroughly. He was pretty sure halfway through that this was how he was actually going to die. Not in a blaze of gunfire while saving someone. No, it was going to be here, of boredom while in a mall. It wasn’t until she walked out in a (Y/F/C) dress. It was perfect hugging in all the right places and flattering the ones she always complained about. To him though it was like the world stopped for a moment. His eyes remained glued to her every movement. He couldn’t seem to look anywhere else. She twirled in front of him, quirking her eyebrow, a silent way to ask how she looked. He was sure there was a dumbfounded look on his face, he nodded words not seeming to want to form in his head anymore. A goofy grin broke her face as she proceeded back into the dressing room, his eyes following her the whole way. He hears the sound of a shutter to finally break his trance.   
His head swung to the side seeing Wanda with her phone leaning toward Nat showing her the moment she just captured. They were giggling to each other.   
“That best not go out to anyone.” He growled at them.

“Oops, too late whole team has it. I’m sure Sam is saving it for blackmail as we speak.” She shakes her head extremely pleased with what she had done.   
His phone started to go off. Rolling his head while a groan escaped him. He did not want to deal with this. He would be mocked for the next century at least. There was evidence.

(Y/N) came out, dress slung over her arm. He stood, stretching from remaining still for so long.   
“So, shoes and jewelry now, I presume?”

“Of course, I don’t believe I have anything that will fit this dress perfectly.” He could hear the sarcasm, come out but the smile made it hard to call out so he merely joined.

“Oh, of course, can’t have anything just slightly off. It is your night everything must be perfect.” He nods his agreement.

“I’m glad you understand, help is so hard to find with these things.” She lets out an exaggerated groan.

After finding everything for the upcoming party the group heads toward the registers. Bucky could plainly see how excited (Y/N) was for the evening. He hadn’t seen the complete outfit, but from just the dress he knew she would be turning heads all night. He followed her through the queue before placing all her items on the counter.

“Here doll, let me.” Offering to buy her items.   
“Oh no, I got this, believe it or not, Tony pats me way too much for what I’m doing I have more than enough money to spare.” She shot him a vicious glare claiming her independence.

“Please doll.” He pulled the best puppy eyes he could, but they weren’t working. She shook her head quickly stopping any more thoughts of arguing. “Fine. Hey, I think Wanda is trying to get your attention.”

He points behind her where Wanda is browsing the bins of small knick-knacks while waiting. She turns to step over to her quickly. While she’s distracted he quickly hand the cashier some money paying for the lot. Handing him the receipt and the bags.

“Hey, Wanda didn’t need me.” She knocks his arm playfully. He shifts from the registers and walks away.

“Oh, I was sure I saw her waving at you.” He plays dumb. She quickly catches on.

“No, no you did not just do that to pay for my things.” She is growling at him. “Hand it over.” She holds her hand out.

“The bag,? It’s heavy let me carry it.” Still trying to play dumb.

“Not that the receipt, I need to return it and then pay for it myself. Don’t be spending your money on me Bucky.”

“Nope not going to happen, I ate it.” He has a smug grin on his face. He continues on his way out the door ignoring any further protests. She storms out after him mumbling about a stubborn, bone-headed super soldier. He chuckles before finding a bench to sit on. He tucks the bag close to his side, (Y/N) joining him with a huff.

Finally, the girls are all done and are loaded into the car bags filling the back of the car. It had been an adventure, to say the least. He was glad it was over but he was happy to see (Y/N) getting back to her normal self. He knew this was a step in the right direction.

(Y/N) POV

Upon arrival at the tower the bags quickly come out and everyone is headed back to their rooms. You lingered back with Bucky, he still insisted he carries your bag all the way to your room. It was silent the whole way there neither of you quite knowing what to say.

With your door in view, Bucky quickly opens it, letting you shuffle in beside him. You sit on the bed while Bucky places your bags beside you before he heads to your restroom. He emerges with a glass of water along with some pain pills. How he knew that your hand was throbbing was beyond you. You had barely acknowledged your self. You quickly swallowed the pills while lounging back into your pillows. He takes the cup back to refill it before setting it on your nightstand.

“Anything else?” Bucky asks shifting his eyes looking for an obvious need.

“No, I’m just going to take a quick nap.” You follow your statement up with a yawn. “Shopping took a lot out of me.”

“Alright, shall I wake you for dinner?”

You can only nod, sleep draw you in. “Oh, Bucky?” You wave him over. He leans down when in reach you lean up to quickly kiss his cheek. You can already feel the blush forming on his cheeks as you fall back in the pillows. “Thank you.”

“No need, Doll. Anytime.”

“I needed to tell you. I knew you could do this yourself. I just need more time.”

“Take all the time you need, Sweetheart. I’ll be here when and if you’re ready. Now get some sleep.“

You relax back once more letting sleep overtake you. You only just manage to see Bucky flip the lights out before gently closing your door. Your final thoughts as you began to drift off rang out.

Things were finally starting to look up, but would they continue in this way?


	14. Chapter 14

The excitement of the up coming party continued to build as the week went on. With only one week to go you were trying to pry details out of Tony. Unfortunately it wants working, you were once again stomping out of the office, grumbling about stupid playboys that couldn’t share. This was met with laughter from said person.

“How do you think I became a billionaire, Sweetheart?”

You continue to grumble your way to the kitchen. Find the usual clan gathered you stomp to the fridge yanking the door open. “Oops, someone’s in a foul mood. What’s got you down darling?” Sam slings an arm around you, pulling you in.

“Tony won’t tell me anything about the party.” You send a pout and doe eyes at him. He chuckles and presses a kiss to your temple. “Sam, it’s my party I should have a say in what’s happening.”

“Yes, but we both know that’s not going to happen. Tony likes control too much to let you do that. Plus on the down low it is a great excuse to spoil you.” He runs your shoulder, trying to calm the fire with reason.

“Well, can’t say no to that but he could at least tell me details, color scheme at least.”

“Why? You already have your outfit.”

“So, I would hate to clash, what if its not fancy enough or too fancy. I’ll stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Darling, I think that’s the point it is your party, remember?”

“Gah!!!! You are no help what so ever.” You push him away, going back to your search for food. You really couldn’t complain, you had complete and total faith that it would be amazing and everything you ever wanted in a birthday. You really just didn’t want him to go overboard with everything. But of course you might just have to except your fate and just go with it. Suddenly an idea pops into your head.

“Ah! I got it!” You whip around to face the group sitting at the island. You walk forward switching eye contact with a certain two. “I need certain super spies, to go get me information.” You wiggle your eyes suggestively at them. You were met with shaking heads. “Oh come on guys, I just need to make sure I don’t have to arrive on an elephant. Please?!”

“Oh no can do I’m already in deep water with Tony. Ruining a party would be the final straw, he would freeze me and throw the capsule into the deepest darkest abyss.” Bucky states firmly. “Nat wouldn’t fare much better either.”

“Geez, why do I ask you people?” You shift your gaze to the man on the end. “Fine! We send in the boyfriend. You’re bound to get information out of him.”

“Ha, very funny. Answer is still no though. Don’t want my “boyfriend” to break up with me.” Steve is used to it by now, this constant teasing, you can tell by the barely there exasperation. You puff your cheeks out. “Not even the pouty face will get you anything from me either.”

“Fine, I’ll just have to be surprised.”

“That is the point of this whole thing, you know?”

Giving up you plop your head onto fists. You were really just going to have to be surprised. Well, what could you do. A plate of pancakes is placed before you along with a carafe of warm syrup. You instantly perk up, swinging your head up to see who your temporary god is.

“Come on sweet cheeks, you’ll be less grumpy when your fed.” Sam smiles down at you before placing a brief kiss to your hair. He turns back to the stove, flipping more pancakes.

“I knew I loved you for some reason.” You state around a mouth full of pancake.

“What?! Only love me for my skills.” He grips his chest in mock hurt. “The least it could be my body, these toned arms? What about this face?”

“Eh? I don’t know I give it a 5.” You pretend to ponder. He is quick to snatch your plate as you dive back in. “Hey! My pancakes!”

“Nope, not until you admit that I have a gorgeous bod.”

“But, Sam.” You quiver your lips making the best puppy dog eyes you could. “My pancakes.” You even manage a tear.

He stares trying to break you. It wasn’t until the second tear slides that he gives in. “Fine! I give in just no more tears.”

“Yeah!” You clap your hands in victory.

You quickly devour the rest in fear someone would snatch it once again. The others are chuckling at you antics. The rest of the pancakes get served and eaten in record time. You place your dish in the washer before stepping next to Sam.

“Thanks for the food.” You lean in placing a swift kiss to his cheek. “Ok, you’re at least a 8.5”

“I knew it no can resist this face.” A few snorts and chuckles are heard around the group. Suddenly you hear a crack from the end of the island. You shoot your head to the side to find that Bucky has broken his glass sending coffee over the table. Steve quickly stands and Sam tosses a role to him.

“You ok, Buck?” Steve is cleaning up while trying to see if he is injured in any way.

“I’m fine punk. My hand glitched, that’s all. I’m going to see if Tony will look at it.” He keeps his head down while he exits.

With the mess cleaned up, everyone goes off on their own. You head up to your “office” already ready to get this day over with. It’s a mere 2 days till the party and you can barely contain yourself.

Upon arriving you waltz in, “Oh great, Swabi, what do you command me to do today?” You sweep a bow.

“Ha very funny, but if that’s how you want to play it sure let’s do it.” Tony grumps at your entrance. “Pitiful servant, I task there with cleaning all cars in a swimsuit.”

You giggle as you glance over at him. He is seated at one of his work stations, working on God knows what. It hits you that Bucky is no where to be seen.

“Hey, did Bucky not come in?” Maybe you had missed him, probably set up for another time.

“Nope haven’t seen him since yesterday.” He doesn’t look up from his task. “Why?”

“He said his arm was glitching this morning. He broke a cup.”

That seemed to perk Tony up. “Oh, really?” He pulls up another screen. You walk towards him to find the security feed playing from this morning. “Hmm, interesting indeed.” Noticing you lurking over his shoulder he quickly shut down the screen. Pulling up the schematics that were previously up. “I’ll talk to Barnes, he probably wanted to change before coming up here. Now, off with you. You’ve got a swimsuit to put on and a lot of cars to wash.”

“Seriously? You actually want me to wash them.” You roll your eyes, this job seemed to keep getting ridiculous.

“Well, duh, the Swabi has spoken so hop to it.” He waves his hand dismissing you.

“I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, you really shouldn’t have, but you did so face the consequences.”

You exit the room, regretting this morning even more. You hesitate though remembering the video, Bucky had been holding the coffee cup in his left, flesh hand. So the only question was why would he lie?

 

You ended up in a swimsuit but also in a colored, aka not white, t-shirt and shorts. The last thing you needed was Tony using the security footage as blackmail. Especially with your birthday coming up. What you hadn’t realized was the shear number of cars the man had. Each one sending you into a more foul mood. You just had to open your mouth. This day couldnt get worse.

Finally you swipe the last car with polish. You were covered in suds and polish smeared on your face. All you knew was that you were going to tear Tony a new one for thus stunt. Also he had way too many cars, who needed this many. No one. No one needed this many.

You huff your way through the common room headed for your room. “Wow, I’m getting a terrible sense of deja vu right now. I think we saw this face this morning.” You wearily turn your head toward the kitchen. Only to find the whole team looking at you.

“Shut up, Wilson. Do you know how many cars Tony has? No you don’t, but I do. Do you want to know how?” He shook his head. “Go on, Wilson, ask me how I know.” You glare daring him. Except you don’t let him ask. “I know because I just had to wash and polish, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. WILSON! That’s how I know.” You turn away stomping, no one says a word. They all know you could snap at any moment. “Now if you’ll excuse me i need to change. Maybe, instead of running your mouth, you can be useful for once and make me something to eat before I get back.”

You exit, not hearing a peep before your door closes. Of coursee as sokn as the door closed they were all laughing until they were red in the face from Wilson’s reaction to your outburst.

Man you were hangry, you would have to apologize later. Maybe while you were digging Tony’s grave while eatting a pizza. Yeah that sounded like a good idea.

Once in dry, clean clothes, you wander out to the main area. There is only Bucky seated now and beside him is a plate stacked high with food. You shuffle over, peering at the dish, then to the man beside it.

“For me?”

“Yes, the others ran off, fearing your wrath.” He gives you a sidewards glance. He assesses your reactions seeing if he has stepped too far. He finds you stuffing your face with as much vigor as this morning. You look like you haven’t eaten in days. Quietly chucking to himself, he shifts from the stool over to the couch in front of the TV. He flips on Netflix and quickly selects one of the shows you both had been watching together.

Once you had eaten, you hear the opening credits to the show. Hastily putting your dishes away you jump over the couch and settle in on the other side. Tucking your legs under you, you lean your head back against the couch. You both sit in silence for the most part, the occasional chuckle or gasp escaping you.

Bucky soon pulls a blanket out tossing it over both your legs. You stretch out getting even more comfortable. With the warmth of the blanket along with the murmuring of the TV you soon find you eye lids drifting shut.

You let your head fall to the side with the final thoughts of being so at peace and finding a good grave sight.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on a roll two fics in the same week. But please don’t get too used to it I try though. So here it is I hope you enjoy it. My tags for this story are still open. I am addicted to comments it helps me write faster and generally makes my day.

It wasn’t anything in particular that woke you up the next morning. It was merely how comfortable you seemed to be. You manage to stretch, then curl back into the heat that is radiating from your side. You drifted off once again into a relaxed state not quite asleep but still aware of things beginning to go on around you. The murmuring started out like a TV on really low so as not to disturb anyone. It wasn’t till the shuttering from cameras that you stiffened and really took in your surroundings. You were draped across a warm, firm surface. Your eyes cracked open to get the full reality of the situation, bracing yourself for it.

You opened them to a neck a thick tanned neck, raising your head you land on Bucky’s face. His eyes are open and fixated on something above you and over the couch. With you wiggling around in his arms you manage to draw his attention to you. His grey eyes seem to sear into yours.

“Not to alarm you or put you in a more awkward spot but we seem to have an audience.” He runs his hands up and down your back. It had been a habit he had picked up while you were dating. If you were honest, you missed it. You peer over the back of the couch to find the team lined up in the kitchen watching the two of you. Some quickly turned their attention else where pretending they hadn’t done anything. Other, aka Tony and Nat, had their phones out and taking pictures of the moment. You jerk up, flinging yourself to the other side of the couch.

“Tony that better be an email your sending or your going to have to buy a new phone.” You turn your glare on him. He was far from your good graces especially after the stunt he pulled on you yesterday.

He at least had the gall to look down and put his phone away. You quickly rise from the couch, you wouldn’t make eye contact with Bucky who was still stretched out on the couch. Rushing out you feel your face burning with embarrassment, you got too comfortable that’s what happened and now you were in this predicament. Now what were you going to do? You couldn’t leave your room, but at the same time you still had a bone to pick with Tony. But it’s not like they hadn’t ever caught you in that position before. Of course that was before the incident happened.

You started to pace your room, pulling your hair while twiddling your fingers together. What the heck were you supposed to do. You had made so much progress with Bucky. This could put you back on the scales. Wait?! Why did you care so much? This was just Bucky, you had merely fallen asleep on him. Carelessly draped yourself over him like a dishrag and invaded his personal space.

You pick up a pillow and scream into it. Why was this so freaking hard to figure out? Signal more hair pulling. It wasn’t really like you could even ask the other girls for help either. You knew they would just tell you to accept your feelings and get over it. Finally it clicked you needed him really only he could help.

“FRIDAY, would you grab Sam for me?”

“Right away, ma’am.”

You continued to pace your room, you were so caught up in your thoughts you managed to miss Sam knocking and walking into the room. He watched you for several moments, he was quite certain you were about to set your floors on fire. It was his laugh that finally brought you out of your stupor.

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to see you are overthinking this whole situation.”

“I know that, why do you think I asked you to come in here?! It’s not like i haven’t been in this position before. I swear I feel like it is the very first time. But I shouldn’t feel this way we aren’t dating. We broke up heck I half promised myself I wouldn’t get involved with him anymore. So why can’t I get him out of my head and like you said over think every single stupid situation?”

Sam stares at you for a moment trying to pick apart all you had just said. “First, calm down. Why don’t you sit down next to me?” He waited until you perched on the edge of your bed before he began. “Now I know that you seem to think of me as a cure all, a master of all solutions, but I’m not. I can’t help but say that you need to just let things happen. You are so focused on what’s happening and what could possibly happen but you need to stop. It’s doing nothing but causing you stress.”

You can’t help but appreciate how he always goes the extra mile for you. At the same time you could understand what Sam was saying. You did rely on him too much, there was a time where you could make your own choice, stand on your own two feet. Somewhere along the line you stopped, using everyone you knew to help solve them. Taking each situation and using it as an excuse as you needed it. Jeez you were nothing but a baby.

“Sam, when did I become such a baby? When did I start being unable to help myself?” To say Sam was surprised was an understatement. He knew you would have to realize it eventually but definitely not this quickly.

He sat beside you, wrapping an arm around you he pulls you into his side. “Finally saw it did you, you’re getting your fire back to full strength. I knew it was there it just needed the right moment to fully ignite. So let me ask you what are you going to do?”

“I don’t really know yet but I know I can walk out there handle anything they throw out of me.” You turn and hug Sam close. “How did I ever manage to find such a great friend as you?”

“You know I’m not sure but I for one am glad you found me.” He squeezed you before pushing you to arms length. “Now, I hope you know you can still come talk to me, I’m in no way saying you can’t talk to me any more.”

“Oh I know. Now I just need someone to talk to and give advice, I’m finally getting my legs back and this time I’m not going to lose them again.” He could see the flames igniting in your eyes again, he felt his smile grow from seeing it where it belonged.

“Well then legs, let’s go eat I’m starving and you’re being too serious for my liking this morning. Race Ya!!” He shoved you so you went sprawling on your bed.

“Hey, cheater! Come back here.” There was no venom in your voice. You race after him, stumbling into the kitchen you see him sitting down on a stool acting like he’d been there forever. You came up next to him and casually shoved him off. He let out an unseemly squawk. The group fell apart, while you perched yourself on the seat he had vacated.

“Excuse you ma'am, I believe you are in my seat.” Sam was attempting to loom over you. It wasn’t very intimidating, so you proceeded to ignore him. He attempted to shove you off, you had seen it coming and braced yourself for retaliation, hr only succeeded in swaying you. You laughed at his efforts, he in returns growls at you. “You’re in my seat woman.”

“So, you pushed me first.” You don’t bother to make eye contact, instead watch Wanda finish preparing pancakes. Making it seem as though you had never seen the process before.

Vision was plating up food as Wanda finished, passing out plates to the people seated at the island first. When he placed your plate down he glanced up at you. “(Y/N) did you have a good night? Get plenty of rest?”

You were startled by the sudden question. “Wasn’t so bad.” You look over at the man in question before continuing. “Bucky is a pretty good lay.” He was mid sip with his coffee when you said that, resulting in him choking on it. He wasn’t the only one though, both Steve and Tony had also been drinking, Tony’s spurt right out his nose. You hold back a full laugh before continuing. “Yeah he’s rather warm, I think from that super soldier stuff he’s got going on. Also not such a bad mattress, not to soft but definitely not to firm. Though i will say, I don’t like getting poked in the stomach everytime I move, if you get what I mean.”

By this point the guys are rolling on the floor laughing, Steve and Bucky are bright red that they resemble tomatoes. The girls are staring at you like you have grown a second head. Vision on the other hand is carefully taking your statement apart. “Yes, the serum makes his metabolism run quicker than most humans. This results in a higher body temperature, he runs about 5-7 degrees hotter. Ideal for falling asleep on to most people.” You nod your head in agreement, it had been delightful to wake up on top of him. “Though I am concerned about this feature that was poking you. Would you mind describing the feel to me?”

Wanda came up to him slapping a hand over his mouth. If it was possible Steve and Bucky got even redder. You couldn’t help one more jab at him before getting the day going, “It wasn’t anything significant, just a small, teeny tiny prod. In fact if I hadn’t been paying attention would have never even felt it.”

Sam was crying, “She called you small, I knew it!”

“I am not small.” Bucky shouted. This didn’t help anything, as it just embarrassed him farther.

The day continued at a great pace, everyone would still chuckle every time they saw Bucky. You had chewed out Tony that morning about the work he had made you do. Your legs and back were almost nonexistent and could barely support you. You spent most of it sitting down, sorting through various paperwork and things that needed to be filed with other people. Being so busy, you missed lunch.

You had finally sorted through the stacks when you came across some papers that need more information and signatures to them. Most were merely equipment repairs and supply acquisitions. For the most part you filled in the blanks but when it came to personal items you really had no clue. You spent your afternoon chasing down all the others getting them to sign different forms.

You were having trouble finding Natasha and Bucky, it seemed whenever you asked a person they had just left or where they had gone wasn’t right. You were getting frustrated, you just wanted to get this done and move on with your day.

Slinking into the common area you found them both seated by the window, sitting rather close to each other. A sharp pain shot through you, it was happening again, the doubt. You could feel yourself starting to sweat, and close down all your emotion preventing as much pain as possible. Clearing your throat, they both swing about, when they saw it was you they both separated, Bucky stood up and Natasha brought up her hands waving them in an attempt to clear any misunderstanding.

“(Y/N) please it’s not what it looks like.”

Bucky POV

After the heyday that was this morning Bucky was exhausted. He was currently seated on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. Releasing a heavy sigh, a knock disturbs his racing thoughts.

“Hey Buck. You ready for our workout session?” Steve was peeking around the corner of his door. When he saw the state Bucky was in he came all the way in shutting the door behind him. He had a feeling this would come but mostly he thought it would be after a few punching bags met their untimely demise. “What’s on your mind? I hope you don’t take this morning too seriously, I’m sure she didn’t mean it.”

“Oh I know that, but still I’ve never been that embarrassed before. I can’t believe she said all those things about me.” he finally raised his head, his thoughts were still a whirlwind of emotion and trying to figure out what the heck had happened this morning. “I mean did you see how she ran out of the room after you caught us on the couch? I thought for sure I had screwed it up then. But she came out and acted with such fire. I mean I’m kinda turned on by it all.”

“Yeah, I mean except the being turned on. I thought I wouldn’t see it for a very long time.” Steve threw an arm around him. “Think of it this way, she is able to stand up for herself.”

“But she ran and then had Sam come to her. She relies on him now they are hardly ever apart from each other. I mean movie nights, dinner, she is hardly ever away from him. How am I supposed to compete with that? They are best friends maybe even more than that. We used to be that I used to be the person she ran after. Came to with each problem and delima. I mean I know I screwed that up I understand that. I just wish we could go back to how it used to be. There has to be something I can do to make up with her.”

He didn’t know how to help him. He hadn’t really ever been in a situation like this. He was drawing a complete blank on this. “I don’t really know how to help you. But maybe it’s more proving to her that your over Natasha, that it won’t happen again.”

“You know what Punk? That has to be one of the smartest things you have ever said to me. Now i just need to prove it to her. Yeah, but how?”

“That I really have no idea about, you’re on your own for that one.” Steve claps him on the back before rising. “Now come on we have training to do.” He didn’t even look back. Just walked out and moved toward to the gym.

He was thoroughly kept busy in the gym. The methodical pushing and pulling of weightlifting and the steady thumping of running allowed him time to think about what he needed to do. The first being talking to Natasha and making sure they were on the same page about everything.

By the time he had finished and showered, lunch was ready to go. He wander into the kitchen and found Nat sitting at the island. Serving up his lunch he quickly took a seat next to her. Surprisingly he realized that they hadn’t been close or even alone together in the same room since the incident. They had eventually moved to one of the couches.

“Hey I…. I think this talk has been long overdue.” He was looking out the window not daring to look at her. “I need you to know that we can never be together. I can’t do that to her again. Going through all that seeing her pain I can never do that. Never again.” He was more firm as his speech went on anyone could be sure that he knew what he wanted.

“Yeah I have to agree. Though I’m glad we are getting this time to talk about everything. I mean we were probably so scared of messing up again that we were merely avoiding anything that could seem suspicious to her.”

“Yeah.” They sat in silence neither wanting to be the first to explain their actions to the other. Unfortunately (Y/N) chose that moment to come into the room. He could see the look on her face, the fear, the past playing out in her eyes. In a flurry of action, Bucky raised his hand to prevent any understanding.

“(Y/N), this is a misunderstanding. We were just talking I swear. I…. We needed to discuss some things that’s all.” He approached her with hesitance in every step.

She paused and he froze taking in each others reactions. He could see her face relax, notice her searching his face for answers making sure that everything he was saying was true. Finally after a few painful moments and the mere thought that she wouldn’t believe him, she straightened and a smile emerged on her face.

“Oh, ok. I’m sorry for just assuming things. I just got a little scared is all.” There was only a slight tremble in her voice.

“Yeah, and (Y/N) I am going to make up for everything I’ve done to you. I’ll earn your trust back I promise.” She was nodding her head, even though he could still see her trying to accept his answers. Well what could he do, moving one step at a time. It may be a long process but for her it was worth every moment as long as he could get her back.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all I am forever sorry for keeping you waiting but here is the next chapter. This is also a wondering if anyone is still reading this. I may not continue this, so please leave a like or comment just to reassure little old me that some out there is still reading this.

You couldn’t help but accept what he said. It wasn’t like they were doing anything other than sitting next to each other. Still, the slight pull on your heart made you ponder the past events. There was a general lack of trust from you. You questioned his every move and decision. You pull your arms around your waist willing the fear away, a feeble attempt to bring peace back.

Taking a deep breath you straighten up, “Well, lucky for me, your both in the same spot. I need some signatures on these documents.”

They both seem startled at your sudden acceptance of Bucky’s explanation. Though that was what they wanted. They come over to you grabbing the pens from your hand. They proceed to sign their lives away, all the while keeping an eye on your face, looking for any sign that you really didn’t accept their answer.

Finally, the last document was signed and you shuffled the last paper into their respective folders. “Awesome and with that I am done for the weekend.”

“Alright, that means we can start our spa day early.” Nat rubbed her hands together in excitement.

You chuckle she had been hinting all week the various tortuous things she was going to do to you, to get ready for your party. You were pretty sure there wouldn’t be a hair left on your body except on your head, by the time the party started. You had a nightmare about it all last night. You shake your head as she clings to your arm leaving a very confused Bucky behind.

“So first we are going to start with a body scrub with a seaweed wrap after, then we are going…” You tune her out after that half the words she was saying you didn’t even know what they meant. Quickly putting all the paperwork away Nat tugs you to her chambers where you find Wanda and Pepper already lounging on the sofa each with a glass of champagne in their hands.

“Now that what I’m talking about,” You reach for Wanda’s glass before she can say anything, downing the glass quickly. Wanda chuckles before reaching for another glass taking the empty one from your hand and placing the full one in its place. “So Nat was explaining, though to tell you the truth I have no idea what half of it is though I expect it is going to hurt.”

Pepper leans over pulling you down next to her on the sofa. “Awe, sweetheart don’t worry too much it is all for the better to bring that gorgeous face and body to its full potential. All the eyes are going to be on you after we are done with you. You won’t be leaving alone tomorrow.”

The girls are nodding their head, but you can merely shake your head at their antics. “Yeah, that’s what I was going for. I think my main goal is not to fall flat on my face in those heels you picked out for me.”

“Oh please, you are going to rock that whole outfit.” Nat has a smug look on her face. It was slightly frightening knowing that she had things planned to make her vision come true.

“Well, it won’t help to put it off any longer let’s get this show on the road. The sooner we are done the sooner I get to sleep.”

“Ha that’s funny, you actually think you are going to sleep in the next two days.” Nat resembles a Cheshire cat at this point the grin she is sporting strikes the fear of God into you.

You shudder, rising from your seat. The things that take place next you would forever be blocked from your mind. The pulling and tugging, the pinches and scraping. It would be the thing of nightmares for weeks to come. Men would shirk back in fear at the mere mention of the story. Finally, the pain ended, it was going on 4 am, for all the pain you had to admit your body shimmered and you felt as smooth as a baby’s bottom. All the way from your head to your toes. Your hair had never been so perfect laying just right. Your robe slid gracefully the silk never once catching on a bump or scrape.

“Gah, please tell me you guys are done now. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a part of me you guys haven’t touched yet. My own parents never touched me as much as you guys have.”

“Please, it wasn’t that bad your just cranky cause you haven’t had coffee.” Wanda strolled upholding a steaming mug made just the way you like it.

“Yeah, that and the very precious thing we call sleep. I happen to like that very much.” You grumble as you take a sip. You were positive you would have had dark bags if they hadn’t rubbed some weird glue on your eyes. “So can I sleep now or is that a privilege for other humans?”

“I guess we can afford a small nap, but you have to do it sitting up. Can’t have you ruining your hair before we have had a chance to take pictures.”

“What?!! You’re not done yet?! What more could you possibly have left.” Spreading your arms you drift down into the sofa carefully placing your head back.

“Oh, honey that was merely the prep work. We have a couple more layers to put on before you’re really ready.”

Groaning you sit in frustration. “How can there be anything left to do? I barely look like myself already. How long is that going to take?”

“A few hours, no worries.”

“No worries would be a few minutes not proceeding to spread more gunk on my face.” Scrubbing your face you rise from your spot and head towards the door.

“And where do you think you are going?” Nat is giving you a stink eye, positive that you are up to no good.

“Cool your heels Medusa, just going to the kitchen, I’ll be back in 5 -10 years tops I promise.” If you stopped now you were sure they would keep you with some lame excuse.

Racing away from the pits of hell you slide into the kitchen, catching the attention of the men currently chatting away while enjoying nice giant stacks of pancakes. There is a small mountain of bacon and sausage sitting in between them. Diving towards the sent you quick;y scoop up a couple pieces of bacon and chomp down quickly.

“Oh, why wasn’t I born a man, I wouldn’t have to put up with these stupid girly things and be deprived of this delicious, greasy goodness. Maybe I should just give up on this female thing.” Heads swung at that statement, each trying to ascertain how serious you were about this. From the look on your face as you savored every bite of bacon, you were completely convinced.

“Not that I really want to know, but what did they do to you in there?” Tony is eyeing you from the end of the table.

You shudder just remembering it. “You really don’t want to know. It will haunt me for the rest of my days. That is why you can now call me Adam, that’s my name now.”

“Well, you are the most gorgeous male I have ever seen you might have to be the one I turn gay for.” Sam comes next to you to hand you a plate of your own pancakes.

“Are you kidding, every one of you would go gay for me. Don’t even try to deny it.” You plop down next to Bucky, reaching across him to grab the syrup. “I swear those when are not real. WHo would put themselves through that just for a party? A bunch of harpies that’s what they are.”

Bucky leaned over to try to steal a piece of your sausage only to have you swat his hand and shot him a death glare. “I swear I will bite your hand off, I have been up for the past 26 hours and apparently I’m not even done. How can I not be done? I have never felt so violated. I am not kidding you.”

“I wouldn’t say that too loud, they can hear it and then they will come for your soul. “ Tony whispered.

You quickly shovel more pancakes in, trying to get as much in before they really did come for you. “They can try but I won’t go willingly, I will take my own life if I have to. I can’t go back there.”

As if the devil himself had summoned them himself, the girls came in. “What is this about killing oneself?” They each lineup across the table from you, giving you a stink eye upon seeing what you were consuming.

“You can’t do anything now. I am no longer part of the female species. I am no a man. I have given up that side of me. Now go back to whatever scrub you were doing and leave me in peace.” There is a firm set in your jaw, you knew it was a hopeless cause according to the look they were giving you.

“Ha very funny but I did not put in all that work just for you to be a male tonight. But if that is how you want to play it you will be the most drop dead gorgeous man tonight.” You shrink into your chair, trying to hide under their gazes as their hands’ plant on their hips one by one. “Now what exactly are you eating? Because it certainly can’t be carbs, RIGHT? We need to ensure you fit in your dress for tonight. So this will be your last bite of food until this evening.” Nat scoops up your plate with you feebly attempting to grab it back.

“You can’t do that, this is nothing but abuse. If that’s how it’s going to be I’m not going to the party tonight. You can’t just deprive me of food.” You stand up slowly backing away from the trio.

“Yes I am and I will.”

“Bucky?” You swing your head putting on the best puppy eyes that you can. “Don’t let her take me. Please, don’t let her have her way.” You work up a tear to add effect.

The guilt that courses through his veins and across his face is seen by all. “This party is for you, babe. If it’s just a few hours of this so that you stand out the most then…” He trails off as he is met with your shaking head. You search for a sympathetic face in the crowd, finding downcast gazes and approval of what Nat was doing.

“No, I won’t do it.” You hurl yourself over the couch and speed toward the elevator.

“Wanda, stop her.”

You are instantly halted and lifted in the air, the red mist from Wanda’s magic enveloping your entire body. She pulls you back and you’re turned so the rest can see you.

“I have been betrayed. Bucky, I shall never forgive you for this slight. This I promise you, I will get my revenge.” You send each guy a warning glare before you are pushed back down the hall.

“Oh quit your whining, you’re going to look great.” With that, the girls follow sending a wink back at the guys.

That was the last time any of the guys saw you….

The party was going full force. There was steam creeping along the windows adding to the energy of the party, the music vibrating throughout the room. Lights danced on the walls and ceiling, trapezing from person to person. Tony had spared no expense, there was food to feed a whole 3rd world country for a month and a small tower of presents that seemed to keep growing as time went on. There were people in every corner, they didn’t actually know you but when Stark through a party you had to be a fool not to go.

The Avengers were spread throughout each chatting with their own little group. Nat had a small herd of men each vying for her attention, the promises getting more outrageous as each tried to outdo the other. Wanda and Vision were whispering in each other’s ear while making their way through the buffet line. Steve, Bucky, Clint, and Sam were all chatting around the bar each with a beer in hand.

“So has the birthday girl arrived yet?” Steve asks glancing around the room.

“Nope, not yet. Though from the noises in that room earlier she very well may be dead.” Sam sniggered a reply. “I believe Tony is going to introduce her. Not that she is going to know half these people, but what can you do.”

Even the men had no idea no idea who some of these people were. They really were only there for you. Suddenly the lights went out and two bright spotlights came on. They circled the room quickly gaining speed until finally, they can to rest on the top of the staircase that leads into the hall. Tony was elegantly dressed, his suit sharp and his hair carefully arranged.

With his arms thrown wide, he began, “Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming to my party. Really it’s not for me though, we have come together to celebrate a truly special girl. She is near and dear and a slight pain in the butt to all of us Avengers. Without further adieu, I give you, the one the only (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

The spots shifted over slightly to see the doors swinging open. Suddenly the whole room could see you. Your heart rate spiked and you palms began to sweat. “Pepper?” You look at the woman that is escorting you in. “I’m starting to think that maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.”

She chuckles and squeezes your arm, trying to send some of her own strength and peace to you. “Well, it’s a little late for that darling. You can’t run away now they can all see you. Besides, don’t you want everyone to see all the work we put into tonight? Otherwise, Natasha will have done it all for nothing and her own pleasure.” She added that last bit in to give you a purpose. If there was one thing Pepper loved about you. It was your need to get the full value out of anything that came into your life. That included in this moment, the tugging and pricking you would flaunt it for all it’s worth she was sure of it.

And you did, straightening your back you cocked your hip and planted your hand there. Finally, Pepper dragged you forward and down the stairs. Placing each foot firmly on the next stair, one in front of the other, to the rest of the world you commanded every step and captured every eye in the room with the sheer amount of confidence and ethereal beauty that seemed to surround you. The others could certainly see how all the work Nat had put into had paid off, but they could also see the slight shaking of your hands and how they quickly form into fists.

Steve leans towards Sam, “WOW, she looks stunning!”

“Yeah, she’s got all the guys and some of the women looking at her. But did you notice the shaking of her hand? This never was her kind of thing.” He was laughing. “There is one guy in particular though that I am finding quite amusing.” He shifts his gaze to the fellow next to him.

Bucky is currently starstruck, his eyes are trained on you and there is a slight glaze over his eyes as he tries to drink in every single movement, committing it to memory. He had seen you in the dress before but now with the lights shining on you, he couldn’t breathe. The dress flowed and your hair sat perfectly in an updo. It was like the dress itself was made for you. Even the cast was perfectly hidden up by a pair of fingerless gloves. Your jewelry matched and made the rest of you shine.

“Hey, lover boy! Got a little drool running down your chin. ” Sam shouts in his ear. He had called him several times with no response.

“Gah really do you have to do that?” He rubs his ear finally having broken his gaze on you. He tried to subtly wipe his chin checking to see if what he said was true. “What do you want?”

“Instead of just looking at her why don’t you go ask her to dance or something.” Sam nudges him making him take a step forward. “Come on take the girl around for a spin. She would really appreciate it. Save her from the dastardly view of everyone.” He grumbles but decided that is a very good idea. He stalks through the crowd.

You see him coming toward you, and you feel your heart rate spike, threatening to beat right out of your chest. He looks stunning in a blue velvet suit jacket, it brought out his eyes and you found yourself getting lost in them like you did the very first time you met. Meeting him at the bottom of the stairs he reached his hand out, carefully placing your gloved hand in his, pulling you into his arms.

“May I have this dance?” He whispers in your ear.

Nodding he leads you to the center of the dance floor, taking he spins you and suddenly, it’s just the two of you now. You barely even hear the song, let alone the chatter of the rest of the room.

“Happy Birthday, (Y/N). You look stunning.” He has pulled you close whispering his words in your ear.

“Thank you. I could barely believe it when I saw myself in the mirror.” You are blushing rather fiercely. Burrowing your head against him to hide it. He continued to move you around the silence between you comfortable, merely living in the moment no need to ruin it with talk.

Pulling away he leads you towards the others lounging at the bar. The whole way you were getting compliments and a birthday wishes. Hugs were exchanged as you reached the group.

Sam reaches for your hand kissing the back. “Hey, hot momma, you on someone’s arm tonight?”

“As a matter of fact, I’m not though you may need to fight this handsome fellow.” You shrug over toward Bucky as he sends a glare towards Sam.

“Hands off bird boy. She is mine tonight.” He reaches for a glass of champagne handing it to you before grabbing a scotch for himself.

The group begins to chat and wanders off to mingle. You were having a great time talking to everyone and just having a good time. With work and everything else, you were glad to just relax and not have anyone need anything from you. Bucky had wandered off to grab you another drink.

You were having a lovely chat with Wanda and Pepper about a new TV series on Netflix that you were all interested. It was then that you noticed that Bucky had yet to return from the bar. You look over to find that Bucky is absent from the bar. You excuse yourself and walk overseeing Steve and Tony chatting in the corner.

“Hey fellas, you saw Bucky wandering around here?” You swivel your head hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

“Nah came over grabbed a drink and I guess Natasha and Sam called him over. They headed over to the balcony.” He jerked his head towards on side of the room to a more private balcony.

“Thanks, guys.” You wave and head that way. Looking out you can’t immediately see them. You feel your heart pick up slightly, you were having a moment of deja vu. Your palms start to sweat and you vision tunnels.

The door slides open slowly and hear “We shouldn’t be doing this. Not now.” Your breath catches in your throat.

“Yes, we should we need to talk about this our relationship….” They get really quiet their voices lowering to a mere whisper or maybe it was from the buzzing in your head, either way, you can no longer hear what they are saying. It is all drowned out. You freeze not wanting to hear anymore but you have to know you have to make sure.

You still can’t move, not wanting any of this to become reality. He had promised, he was never going to do this again. Things had been so good between you, why would he why? You were screaming in the head trying to find some sort of reason, some explanation. Finally, moving you creep out looking to the darkest area of the balcony. There was the familiar flash of fiery red hair and the glint of metal. Each way too close to each other. Eyes traveling up all you catch is two faces very close and pulling away from each other. An unknown look shared between them. Its then you feel a pain in your heart a sharp crack, with the startling realization that nothing had changed. He would always pick her over you.


	17. Chapter 17

You bolted.

Ran as fast as your stupid heels would let you.

You didn’t look back.

Didn’t listen to their pleas as you stumbled towards the elevator trying to balance yourself.

To others, it would appear like you were merely drunk stumbling against the walls. Finally, the doors shut, not before seeing their faces. Your back met the wall and your legs gave out from the shaking. Your mind was racing. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, why would he?

The door opens to your floor but you can’t find the strength to move lucky for you there is a man waiting on the floor quickly catching the door before it sent you right back to where you didn’t want to be.

“FRIDAY, hold the elevator,” Tony whispered, without a word the doors remained open. Tony slid down the wall, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, before pulling you into him. It started with a single tear, Tony watched it fall, his heartbreaking, wondering how such a girl could ever end so broken in the corner of an elevator.

The rest of the team soon emerged from the next elevator over. Bucky was the first to come in view, you quickly turned into Tony burying your head into his neck, refusing look at him. Tony’s suit was soon soaked in tears and your shoulders shook against his grasp.

“FRIDAY, close the doors send us to my room.” The doors begin to shut. “Stay away Barnes, you’ve done enough.” With that, the doors shut, sending you up once more.

As the doors opened Tony helped you off the ground, walking you into the sitting area of his apartment before placing you on the couch. He quickly walks over to the bar to grab you a glass of the hard stuff, once done coming over and making sure you drink it.

“There you are, sweetheart, I got you. What happened?” He wraps his hand once more around your shoulders. Suddenly the doors ding and they both tense swinging to see who it was. To their relief it was Wanda, she quickly hurried over to you almost pushing Tony away as she pulls you into her.

“Draga, are you alright? You suddenly ran from the party. What happened?” She runs her hands over your hair shushing the cries coming from you.

“He… they…” You were choking on your own tears trying your hardest to contain them.

“Deep breath, Draga. It’s alright, take your time. Would you like some water or tea? Might help you calm down then we can talk about what happened. No rush though.” She continued to stroke your hair and travel down to your back. You nodded your head not trusting your voice. She doesn’t move but you can tell from the red in her eyes she was making the tea for you.

“Ok, black or green tea?” She asks gently. You whisper your answer. “Sugar or honey?” In a couple minutes the tea was floating over to you. Wrapping your hands around the mug you shakily lift the glass to your lips.

The warmth of the tea seems to calm you down a little. You take some deep breaths as you continue drinking.Tony and Wanda hover nearby, occasionally placing their hands rubbing their hands up and down your arms, merely assuring you that they were still there.

You finally set an empty cup down. You take a deep breath before looking at them both. You settle on Wanda, “When we were talking I noticed that Bucky had been gone awhile even though it was just to refill our drinks. So I thought maybe he got hung up talking with the guys.You pointed me towards the balcony,”You gesture towards Tony before taking a fortifying breath preparing yourself to continue.”So I headed over there and as I was opening the door I saw that hair. That red hair and his arm, and suddenly it was like that night so long ago. They were so close to each other like they were kissing or something. I….I don’t want to know. I don’t care what they were doing.” Your breath is coming in shorter bursts, your mind was reeling trying to recall everything but still trying to forget it at the same time. “I can’t .. I don’t want to remember. But at the same time, I want to know why. Why does he always chose her? I thought it was getting better. It was like it used to be like I was the only woman in the whole world. So why? Why is she so special? Why Am I Not Enough?”

You couldn’t continue, hyperventilating Wanda helps you bend over trying to control the amount of airflow. She continues to rub your back but she has added in quiet whispers, you cannot discern the meaning as she is speaking her mother tongue but it seems to be helping as you can breathe just a little easier. A few very stubborn tears make their way out and you lean your head into the crook of Wanda’s neck burrowing to get away from all the pain.

The elevator opens once more and out walks Sam frantically searching the room. When he sees you tucked on the couch he quickly walks towards you collapsing to his knees in front of you. You peel yourself away and throw yourself into the proven safe arms.

“Hey,” he grips on tight almost as if he can keep you together if he just holds on tight enough. “Hey baby girl, I just talked to Steve and Bucky. They said you ran into the elevator. What happened?”

You were getting a little tired of that question. Why wouldn’t they just let it go? They could talk to each other. The only thing you wanted to do now escaped into the beautiful oblivion that is sleep and forgets it all. Even if you had to face the truth tomorrow. The adrenaline was finally leaving you, with it came only whatever alcohol coursed through and you fell limp against Sam. Letting go of every ounce of control and strength left, leaving yourself completely in Sam’s care.

“You can take her to the guest room” Sam lifts you up into his arms while Tony shows the way. “Third door on the right. Let her sleep, we can explain what went down when you get back.” Sam merely nods before heading out.

He gently places you on the bed, pulling off your shoes gently tucking your legs underneath the blanket. He moved on to your hair pulling out any hairpins letting it fall down. When a tap on the door comes Wanda quickly drops off a glass of water with some aspirin before leaving quickly. Sam holds it up waiting for you to drink it. Finally, he goes to the bathroom grabbing a washcloth.

It is warm on your face as he wipes away your makeup erasing the tear tracks and soothing your eyes as he folds it gently upon your eyes. “Go to sleep baby girl I’ll be here in the morning. We can talk then.” He kisses your forehead and sits back. When your breathing evens out he grabs the cloth and exits the room quietly.

He wonders back into the main area to see the whole group, Bucky and Nat included. Walking around to the front so that he can take in every single one of them. Saying there was tension was an understatement, it ran thick through the group each one eyeing the other trying to figure out who was to blame.He makes eye contact with each one settling each one into their seats.

“Now, I think this is going to be a civil and informative conversation. Each of you will have a chance to speak until we are all on the same page. I don’t want to hear a single thing out of any of you. It is about time we get we our heads and facts straight.” He glares at each of them showing them a rare sight of how he truly works. “Let me remind you right now we are here because we all love her to different degrees keep that in mind. I want to hear from you, Tony, about what happened after (Y/N) left the party.”

Tony proceeds to recount the story an obvious hostile tone directed straight at the two offenders. Wanda can be seen nodding her head agreeing but as she takes in the emotions of the two in question. There is something about the remorse and the pain she is feeling, but mostly it is the lack of guilt or shame. She cocks her head taking in the two, they weren’t touching, weren’t even making eye contact with each other. In fact, they seemed at peace with each other like they had a full understanding of where they stood with each other.

Tony wraps up spitting some final insults. Sam shushes him, turning to the two in question, he gestures for them to start. Natasha begins stating everything almost like she was in a mission debrief making every point clear and concise. She had sought Bucky out, spurred on by the need to clear the air and finally be free of this burden.

“I saw Bucky approach us, Sam and I, at the bar. He was refilling (Y/N)’s drink. We started up a conversation and I thought now was a good time as ever to get it done. I figured we could finish it and move on enjoy the rest of the evening with his lady and I could enjoy the rest of the night. I wanted a more quiet environment make sure I left nothing out. We started to head to the balcony until Bucky stopped me and had Sam follow us. Figured we could have someone mediate for us and make sure there would be no misunderstandings if someone walked up. As you can tell that didn’t really go to plan.” She leans forward and buries her head in her hands. “It was because (Y/N) had found us talking the other day. I could see it in her eyes that she still had her doubts. I couldn’t get the sight out of my head. I want my best friend back and I figured the best way to do that was to figure out where I stand with Bucky and to make sure we both understood our positions.” She trails off, her eyes are glistening with tears.

As she falls silent eyes cast to the floor Bucky picks up, telling his story. “There is not much to say, it’s as she says. We talked and once we realized that we would never be anything ever and how much I love (Y/N), we hugged and that’s when I heard her gasp. By the time I got inside Tony was taking care of her and told me not to come near her.”

The room falls silent as they each get lost in their thoughts, making their own connections and coming to conclusions. As they each affirmed their ideas they looked up and glanced at each other.

“Well, I’m guessing we have all come to the same conclusion. So now the only question is how do we get our girl to see the same thing as we do?” Sam is leaning against a wall and thinking about how to go about this.

For the next couple hours, the group started coming up with idea and plans. They worked like the well-oiled machine that they were and the best part was they working towards making the one person who held the group together the happiest they could.

When the sun rose the next day, they would start Operation Glue.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are things are happening. Don’t want to give too much away. As always thanks for reading. know I appreciate you all and all the support.

Operation Glue started with sending Bucky and Nat on two different missions, to give you both time and space. While the group had taken a moment to hear them out and let them explain they were still rather angry with them. It really didn’t matter that Sam was there as insurance because it hadn’t worked. They were both instructed not to make any sort of contact with you and to let them handle it.

You had awoken to a fuzzy head and itchy eyes, as you rubbed the memories of the previous night came back. Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes and you quickly scrubbed at them refusing to cry over him. Enough was enough, he had made his choice. As you glance around the room you find yourself in Tony’s room and upon the side table is a note.

Time to get showered and dress, we have a full day ahead of us. Pack for a warm week and bring a swimsuit.

Love your favorite,

Tony

You chuckle, he was always trying to look out for you. You guessed he had plans to take you on some sort of vacation and for once you couldn’t find it in you to argue. You quickly head down to your room. Once packed and ready you head to the main room.

To your pleasant surprise, neither of the two heathens are there. Scouring the fridge you grab some fruit and yogurt. Sitting down you see Sam coming in rolling a suitcase, a smile breaks upon your face. You get to hang with your best friend and for some reason that warms your heart to no extent.

“Hey.” You call as he comes sits down next to you.

“Hey, sweet cheeks how are you feeling?” He leans over and pulls you into a sidewards hug.

“I’m alright Sam just a little heartbroken but I’ll be ok I think this trip will help, some time away will do me some good.” You squeeze him back before going back to your meal.

“For what it’s worth, I was with them when they had their talk yesterday, they wanted to make sure you didn’t get the wrong idea.” You chuckle bitterly. “Yeah, it didn’t really help. So we sent them on separate missions with express instructions not to talk to you. You know we would never allow them to hurt you like that again.” You nod silently not sure how to take this new piece of information. “Well we get to forget about them for a little while, we are going sightseeing.”

Tony finally emerges, “There is my beloved flower. Are you ready to get this adventure underway?”

“Yes, I am. To what exotic place are you taking me?”

“Well, I figured I would show you off so how does Spain sound to you?”

Squealing you pull him into a tight hug. “I have never been but always wanted to go. What are we waiting for?” You race back to your seat and grab your bags and quickly head to the elevator. Leaving the two men laughing at you.

It turns out you were waiting on Wanda, but she quickly caught up to you on the jet, making herself comfortable in the seat next to you. For the entire trip, you looked up different things to do and made a list of all the things you would love to do while there. You will admit a lot of it was just eating, drinking and just relaxing.

The next few days pass in a flurry of activity and you can say you have never been happier. The weather had stayed sunny and warm nothing too hot just perfect. Sam and Wanda dragged you to all the popular spots, while Tony fed you from the finest restaurants and food stand. Of course, everything was paid for by him, every day he handed you a new wad of cash even if you hadn’t run through the previous day’s allowance. Spoiled was what it was though at the back of your mind you knew it was merely them taking your mind off present situations.

They did a good job, at least until the night crept in and you were alone in your room, then came the memories, the worries, and the pain. This particular night it seemed to weigh heavy on your mind, with the others soundly sleeping you snuck out to the living room of Tony’s apartment. Grabbing a glass of water you settle on the lounge chair facing out onto the ocean. The light of the moon reflected off the waves and with the window slightly cracked the faint ocean sound seeped into the hearing. A sense of calm overcame you, provoking thought and questions to your predicament. The big question was what would happen now, you could leave but it just felt like you were running away from your problems.

Your vacation soon came to an end and you found yourself a little melancholy about it. This had been a great experience and you wished it would last a little longer. You knew you would eventually have to face the music but that didn’t mean you wanted to leave such a great place.

With your bags packed and you all loaded into the jet, you took off into the sky. You let out a sigh, relaxing into the chair. Turning to Tony, you take him in. He was a well-traveled man, a person that had literally seen the world.

“Hey Tony,” he grunted informing you that he was listening but never taking his eyes off his screen. “What has been your favorite place to travel to?”

He lifts his head, staring off, “Hmm I would say Dubai was pretty amazing, lots of things to see and take in. Though Hong Kong is up there as well, the industrial aspect to be able to make so much, have them replicate to a certain extent and then produce a cheaper version, it is quite astounding ….” He goes on mostly naming places where sciency things went on, you look out the window waiting for him to finish.

When he does you turn to Wanda, “What about you? I’m sure that you have been quite a few places.”

“Hmm, most of the time I am on missions and the like so I really don’t get the opportunity to take in the sites, though I will say I am more of a nature kind of person, being able to see the beauty that each country has to provide away from the busy cities. That’s probably why I would pick Wakanda as one of my favorites, the blend of nature and city always astounded me. Of course, I would also say Sokovia was gorgeous as well, the mountain air and views would take anyone’s breath away.” You could tell she got lost in the moment, her eyes focusing on distant memories, slight tears from the loss of those times.

“Hey what about me don’t you want to know where I have been?” You chuckle at his whiny tone as if he hadn’t been next on your list. You nod, asking him to continue. “I think my favorite place was the good US of A. There is just something so amazing about seeing the country you live in and how many different and diverse places there are. I think the best way to see it though is by car, preferably a convertible for the summer time. The country seems to come alive during that time, though the other seasons can be fun as well. I think one of my favorite places was a Renaissance fair in Wisconsin. Taking in the good old days. Now that is good traveling.”

You smile for some reason you were expecting Sam to say the US. He had that homebound feel to him and you found your thoughts drifting to the idea of traveling. The rest of the trip they swapped their favorite places and stories drawing you into a world you had only heard in passing and seen through pictures on Instagram. By the time you reached home, your mind was swimming with thoughts and ideas.

When you landed the group was there to greet you, upon seeing Nat and Bucky you gave them tight lip smiles. Nodding but saying nothing, shuffling the group into the elevators and into the family area you began another game night. Despite the way you left you pushed away from the impulse to lock yourself into your room away from the sad and prying eyes of Bucky you know you would have to face him eventually but for now, you wanted to spend time with your family.

The night wore on and eventually, a yawn escaped, signaling the end of the night. As you said your goodnights, you felt your mind go back to your earlier thoughts. When your door closed you moved your computer to your bed, searching and filling your mind with far-off places as you drifted into sleep.

It was only a couple days after your return that you finally came to some decisions about your life and what you wanted to do. When the team dinner came around you patiently waited until the end to finally disclose your plans.

“Everyone, I have an announcement.” You wait until every eye was on you to continue. “I am leaving,” The group quickly voiced their opinions, some jumping up to try to reason with you. You held your hand up to gain silence once more. “I am not leaving for good but I want to travel and see the world, the farthest I’ve gone so far is to the Midwest and I ended up working most of the time I was there. Going to Spain was the best experience of my life so far and I want to see more of it.” You look around at the room gauging their reactions and from what you could see it was pretty good but you could see the hesitation on their faces.

Upon hearing you finish your announcement Bucky quickly stood up a panicked look on his face. “(Y/N) may I speak to you please? In private.” He turned away without even looking to see if you followed. He went out to the patio. You joined him only to find him pacing back and forth. You knew this would come but you had wanted it to be on your terms and when you wanted. Seeing him though, all tense and his fist clenching, as he berated himself under his breath you pushed back the fear you felt creeping up on you as you walked out here.

“Please tell me you aren’t leaving because of me? Please don’t leave because I screwed up.” He shouted once he finally stopped moving.

“No, I’m not,“ You take a deep breath trying to gain more strength to say what needed to be said. "the truth is, I’m doing it for me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know where my life is headed anymore, I feel like I’ve been stuck in the random place with no goals and no real future planned out. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I love you guys but I… I just don’t know about a lot of things. I don’t know if I can forgive you or Nat for what you have done. I understand it was a misunderstanding and it wasn’t what I thought it was. But it was like reliving all the pain again. That moment even if it was just a hug and Sam was there. The only thing I kept thinking about was you were going to keep picking her that I was never going to be enough for you. That no matter what I did you were always going to pick her over me.” Bucky goes to interupt lifting his hands up in an attempt to make you understand. You quickly shake your head at him. “I know Bucky, I know what you mean, but this isn’t something that will just go away. You may not have meant to hurt me but you still made me feel hurt and betrayed.” His hands dropped, shoulders slumped and eyes dejected and sullen. He was finally accepting that he there was a very good chance he was going to lose you forever and there was nothing he was going to be able to do about it.

Finally, he took a deep breath in raising his eyes to meet yours. “For what it’s worth I’m sorry. I really was just trying to fix things. But your right I can’t help how you felt and I am eternally sorry that I could ever make you feel that way. I just need you to tell me what to do to make it alright. Please.” He begged, pleading to once again give him another shot. “I know I made a mistake and I promise, I swear, I won’t ever do it again.

I understand that might not mean a lot, heck its an empty promise, but I will prove it to you. As long and as much as you need me too. He picks up your hands holding them gently in his grip, desperate to show you he was serious about this. “I’m willing to wait, because you are worth that and so much more, even if it takes a lifetime. Even if….” his voice cracks with what he is about to say. “Even if you choose someone else, even if it’s Sam. I want, no, I need you to be happy. To get everything you deserve and want, even if that is not me. I am hoping in time though you will also forgive me as well. Please just give me a chance to prove it to you. His eyes were filled with tears and his lips were pressed into a thin line waiting for your decision.

He searches your face, looking for any reaction. Any sign that you were willing. He finds your eyes filled with tears and a slight hitch in your breath. You drop your head into your hands you let out a sob.

“Please… please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He goes to pull you into him but freezes his motion doubting if this was what you wanted. He was the reason you were so upset, from what he has seen it should be Sam that is comforting you not him.

He turns, going to grab Sam hoping that he can make you all better. Looking up to see him leaving, you reach out a hand almost on instinct, pulling him back with a strength that neither of you knew you possessed. You pull him into a crushing hug. You weren’t about to let him go without finishing your talk. You lean your head onto his chest, letting the sobs and pain wrack your body, letting yourself once again grieve over everything you had and everything you had lost. Embracing that you didn’t quite know what the future held for you but knowing you had to face it and you had to think about yourself at this moment. Pulling you in tighter he rocks you back and forth, rubbing his hand up and down your back, doing his best to soothe you.

When your cries finally fade into the occasional sniffle and hiccup you look up at the man holding you. Running your eyes across his face, looking for some sort of sign that what you were about to do was the right thing. You take one more shuddering breath before stepping back from his arms.

“I don’t know if I can forgive you right now.” You see his shoulders slump, but as he takes a breath in he straightens once again. “That’s not to say that I won’t ever forgive you. We have been through too much though, in such a short amount of time, I haven’t truly been able to sort through my feelings.” You take a tentative step closer to him, placing your hand on his arm. “I do know that I do love you, don’t think I have ever stopped, that being said its time for me to take care of myself though. I need me time not quite sure what that entails, or how long, but I’m not looking to rush into anything with you or anyone else. You did say you would wait and I need you to hold to that.” You rub his arm, a silent plea for him to understand.

Simply nodding, he draws you into one final hug, thankful that you had heard him out and that you had finally got your opportunity to talk. You both spin around to find the whole group crowded around the doorway. You quirk an eyebrow at them. Most of them had silly little grins on their faces, some were nodding, Tony was looking a little close to crying but with a proud look on his face.

“Really guys, you guys gonna just snoop on a private conversation?” Trying to give them the best evil eye you could.

“Hey, we are as invested in this situation as you and Bucky. Besides we also wanted to know why you suddenly decided to travel.” Sam said everyone nodded in agreement, as he pushed through the group to draw you into a hug.

You merely laughed, drawing back to shake your head at the group. Suddenly a thought occurred to you, “Hey Bucky, you said even if its Sam, what does that mean?”

“Oh well, you see a while back I saw you in the gym and I saw the two of you kissing. Then you guys started acting all sweet on each other. I thought the two of you were seeing the other.” He blushes as he admits this, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. When he looks up to confirm his suspicion he finds you both have a look of disgust on.

“Oh that, the incident that should never be talked about again,” Sam states shaking his head. “That was a decidedly, mutually bad decision. A misinterpreted feeling that ended up with us kissing. Sorry to say but this one,” he bumps your shoulder, “has been permanently been placed in the friend zone and even the family zone really and we all know that there is no coming out of that. I’m sorry to say that she will never get to indulge in the greatness that is myself.”

You shove him away tired of his ridiculousness. Bucky socks him in the head. You all head into the main room, chatting about the upcoming adventure. Things were looking up and you had a chance to finally do something worthwhile.

An adventure of a lifetime and you just couldn’t wait for it to begin.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again its time for some fluff and good times.

You should have known just leaving on a trip would be a pain to manage when you were friends with the Avengers. Especially when Tony is involved, he seemed determined to place you in the finest hotels and of course pay for everything. You quickly put a stop to that. You would work for the trip. You would allow him to do some places but you would allow him a couple to make him feel better about it. If that wasn’t enough there were the opinions of everyone on the team. All the comments of where to go when, where to stay away from, what season was best to visit certain places.

It seemed Steve and Natasha were the most worried about you being able to protect yourself, so you began your lessons in self-defense. They had wanted you to do it for a while but this seemed as good an excuse as any to finally get you started.

Every day they dragged you out of bed at an ungodly hour. Every day they taught you a new hold a new throw. You were getting rather tired of the whole thing, so you decided to tour the great nearby countries and the States.

So off to Canada you went, exploring both the cities and the wilderness, for some reason it seemed that Steve was “free” during your trip so he tagged along. It was mostly because he had never been and wanted to see what they had to offer. It was great, so different from your everyday life in the big city. Steve was a blast to hang out with. He was all for the hiking and sleeping under the stars.

This made your decision all the more final about traveling. It gave you a sense of peace and meaning. You wanted to see more and do more. When you got back, to the tower you continued to work, but your plan involved once a month going on vacation for a week, at least until the Autumn when you could afford to go to Europe. So you had approximately 5 months to fill in.

Next, you went to the Caribbean, you soaked in the sun and rays, you drank on the beaches and learned to dance from the fabulous men that inhabited the island.

There were a few days that you would always cherish. This particular trip Wanda and Pepper had joined you. You had been sipping a cocktail, laughing and talking with your ladies when a man caught your eye, leaning against the bar chatting with some friends. His hair was dark and slicked back, his jaw was sharp and his eyes were an emerald green. As if sensing your eyes his flicked up to meet yours. A blush runs across your cheeks and you glance down at your drink.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by your companions. “Hey, seems you caught some heart eyes there.” Wanda teased.

“So you going to go over and say hi. He is rather handsome.” Pepper encourages.

“I can’t. I mean I just… I mean come on really.” You can’t help the stutter.

“We are not saying you sleep with him, go have some fun. That is what vacation is all about. Go dance.” They look up to find him coming toward you. “Well never mind here he comes and yes you are going to dance with him. It will be fun.”

You feel a tap on your shoulder, right before you feel his breath on the skin of your neck. “Pardon me,” His voice is like honey and sends a shiver down your spine. “Might I steal you for a dance or two?”

You couldn’t even use your voice if you wanted to, instead, you merely nod and he sweeps you into his arms. As if fate was smiling on you “Havana” came on. it was like you were swept into the music video. He swung you around the floor making you dizzy with excitement. The lights flooded together creating one big blur. Every once in a while you could see the smug smiles of Pepper or Wanda. He leaned into more as the song went on, molding his body with yours. By the end you were breathless, staring up into the eyes of the man that had captured your attention.

When the song ended he kept hold of your hand and gently led you to a table on the terrace. His name was Damien, turned out he was down here, from Washington State, for a wedding that weekend and the group he left was the bachelor party. When you showed a face he assured you he wasn’t the groom-to-be, pointing out a guy wearing a fake mustache and looked absolutely plastered. The group saw you watching and proceeded to throw thumbs up at Damien, showing their approval.

You both blushed at this. “And that will be the only time you meet them.” You chuckle. “So what brings a woman like you down here besides the warm beaches and the wonderful charming men.”

It seemed the alcohol was making you more loose with your tongue. “Smooth sir, very smooth. Well, this year I decided I needed to live more, so I am traveling and working. Once a month I take a week off and take off to parts unknown to me.”

“Wow, that is rather cool. What brought out the adventurer in you?” He leans in closer as if genuinely interested.

“To be honest and not be a downer. It was a guy actually, we broke up and we still work together, let’s just say things got rather intense, more like people meddling and trying to help too much. Decided to get away and do something I have never really been able to do.” You sneak your eyes up to meet Damien’s. “Sorry, that was just me spilling out crap.”

“Hey no need to apologize, sometimes you need to get the junk out before you can start exploring other things. I happen to know something about that. But enough about that tell me your interests maybe we have something in common, past the bad relationships.”

You spend the next couple hours rotating between dancing and talking. Once the noise got too much you both slipped away with a quick nod to Wanda. You spent the next hours walking down the beach and taking in the scenery. He dragged you into the sea at one point and you splashed in the moonlight. A moment of pause came when you were both breathless and caught each other, staring down into your wet face and messy hair, your breath catches in your throat as he slowly tips his head down to yours. He captures your lips in a searing kiss. You lose the sense of time and place, the waves gently lapping against your legs.

Separating he leads you out of the water and back towards the hotel, the whole way gripping your hand. He keeps looking back at you as if to make sure you were still there. He pulled you close to kiss you never want to go too long before tasting you once again.

Together you walk up to the terrace. Damien seems to get nervous as he turns towards you. “Would you like to come up to my room?” You hesitate. Was this too quick? Too soon? “You don’t have to say yes I won’t pressure you or anything.” He rubs your shoulders.

It seemed all the encouragement you needed. “Yes, I want to. I just had a moment, but with you I’m good. I want to.” With that, he led you upstairs and into his arms once again.

The next few days were filled with Damien. You woke up in his arms for the rest of your vacation. He took you out you explored the island and spent your nights dancing in more than one way. You lounged on the beach as he rubbed sun lotion on your skin and chatted with Wanda and Pepper.

When it came time to say goodbye it was brief and sweet, you were leaving before him. You exchanged number with a promise that when you made your way to Washington you would get in touch, he would show you the sights. He kissed your cheek before turning away whistling.

When you were onboard the jet the girls started there not so subtle digging. “So he was handsome, seems like a genuinely good guy.”

You should be used to it but you weren’t, a blush places itself on your cheeks. “He was fabulous, I enjoyed our time together. I haven’t done something like that in ages.”

“This was a big thing for you finally moving on from Bucky or what? So you going to contact him?” Pepper inquires.

“You know I don’t honestly know. We both agreed it was a nice vacation fling but that nothing may come from it.” You were genuinely confused on what you should do. You had no answer for her, were you moving on from Bucky? Was this the start of something else? This was the first real time this had happened to you. The whole situation was kind of a thrill, one that satisfied cravings but you didn’t feel the need to put all your emotion into.

“Hey you do you, I think you should get in touch with him when you head that way. Keep him in your back pocket just in case.”

You laugh at that. “Thanks, Wanda, I might just do that.” Relaxing into the seat you contemplate your situation and the future and what it may bring. More like who it may bring and how you would handle it next time.

All in all your future looks bright and exciting and if this part was any indication it was going to be fun and full of once in a lifetime experiences.

You were now on your way to the east coast, your copilot was Sam this time. You were headed for a drive, having landed in Florida you rented a convertible to drive all the way back up to New York. Getting in the car you put your sunglasses on and lower the top. You take first shift and begin driving north. Not making it far, you spy a fairly quiet beach with a fantastic view. The next few hours are spent laughing and swimming on the beach. You eat lunch at a bar that opens up to a marina, you start feeding the pelicans bits of bread and laugh when Sam says they were giving him the evil eye.

On the road again you continue to travel until you see signs for Disney World. Turning to same you pull a very serious look. “Would you be my Prince Charming?”

“Of course, my princess, my every breath is for you.” He poses one hand outstretched toward you, bowing in his seat. You place your hand in his and he kisses your knuckles.

“Perfect now lets away.”

As you walk through the gates and spy Cinderella’s Castle you feel like a 6-year-old. You squeal grabbing Sam’s hand rushing to get closer and take it all in. Wrapping your arm around Sam you quickly pull him in for a picture.

From that moment you were always moving always trying to get to something new. Trying to find the Hidden Mickeys, you began spouting out all your little random Disney facts. You had to appreciate Sam being with you, he could be just as much of a kid as you, going on all the rides, taking pictures with the characters, and eating all the sweets you could find. By the time the parade and fireworks were happening you both were entering a sugar crash and totally exhausted. Collecting your last bit of souvenirs you head out looking for a nice hotel to stay in for the night. You shower and put a Disney movie on to help you sleep.

The next morning after a nice continental breakfast you head out. There was much to see and only so much time. The rest of the week past in much the same way. You would see something and pull over spending time and move on. There was a ton of seafood eaten. Lots of little knick-knacks for everyone. It seemed you couldn’t stop at one place without finding something that was perfect for someone on the team.

By the time you made it back to New York, your trunk was full and your friendship with Sam was completely solidified. You would happily die for the man. Learning a lot more about his past, his family, even future hopes, and dreams. He told you about the nice girl in the armory.

You pulled into the parking lot of the tower, looking up the side and you just couldn’t wait for your next adventure.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE!!! Man, my life has been extremely busy, I’ve been trying my best at this adulting thing but man is it hard. Thank you all for your patience, I hope you enjoy. This will be the final chapter followed by an Epilogue of course. Just as an FYI this has a lot of time jumps.

Ah, adventure the freedom of not having to work and not quite knowing where you were going. It was an exhilarating feeling and if you were completely honest you were kind of addicted to it. There was so much you had seen and so much you still had to see. You were ready for the next leg of your journey.

Traveling to Washington and Oregon, taking in the natural beauty of the west coast. From the ocean to the forests you covered it all. It was while you were in the mountains that you ran into a pair of brothers. Since Natasha was your wingwoman you ended up in a little dive bar. You were leaned over a pool table when a flash of plaid and the greenest eyes you have ever laid eyes upon caught your attention. Seeing you attention slip Nat quickly turned and eyed the man, with a smirk of approval she sashayed over to the two men.

Leaning in to whisper in his ears, she maintains eye contact with you. Your cheeks flush in embarrassment, why did she have to be so bold. The man had developed the same smirk as her, straightening he headed your way. Turning back Nat to silently scold her you found her already wrapped around the taller of the two guys gently tugging on his hair to keep him completely focused on her.

When you lift your eyes to him you find him closer than you expected. Perching his hip on the side of the table he leans in close, capturing your gaze in his.

“Names Dean, your friend over there said you were the person to know.” He licks his lips slightly making you heart putter.

“Oh… did she?” Man, why did your brain have to melt down now? “She must have me confused with someone else.”

“Oh I can assure you, you are the best thing I have seen. With or without your friend’s excellent recommendation.” Your face flushes red and you can hear him chuckle. Feeling his fingers gently lift your chin. “No need to be shy, I’m just telling it how I’m seeing it. Now, what’s a gorgeous girl like you doing in a place like this? Not that you shouldn’t I’m just wondering why such a gorgeous creature has graced us mere mortals with her beauty.”

‘Holy Crap!’ The man had you wrapped around his finger and you had only been talking to him for 2 minutes. “I…I am…” Your grasp of the English language was quite amazing right now. “I am traveling the country. Thought I should see what this place had to offer.”

“Well, I for one am glad you decided to do that. What’s been your favorite part so far?”

“You’re definitely on top of the list.” It took you a moment to realize you had said that out loud. If the ground would swallow you up you would welcome it. The sheer embarrassment you felt on your face as an ever deeper blush coated your face.

He threw his head back and let out a belly laugh. He quickly leans forward and wraps one arm around his stomach and the other around your shoulders. When it slows a little he gives you a peck on the lips, retreating back to gauge your reaction. You’re not sure how to truly feel but it is definitely not unpleasant or unwanted.

“That certainly makes me happy. What say we start this game over and get to know each other and you can see how truly awesome I am.” You can only nod and start to rack the balls again.

For the whole game, he did nothing but flirt and lean into you while stealing kisses whenever he could. By the time the game was over you both were buzzed and couldn’t seem to keep your hands off each other. Casting a quick look around you find Nat gone with as you learned earlier was Dean’s brother Sam. He takes your hand and leads you outside, holding the keys to his vehicle you find he owns a gorgeous black ‘67 Impala. You raise a brow at him, being around Tony had rubbed off on you so you could appreciate a classic when you saw it.

Pulling him so you can get a better look you pull him around it. By the time you make it around the car, he had pulled you into his arms pinning you to the side of the car, locking his lips to yours. The alcohol makes you brave you returned with equal fervor while pulling him toward the backseat. It felt amazing to be able to let go like this exhilarating considering you were in a parking lot and at any moment someone could come out and find you. Hastily pulling the door open you flung yourselves inside barely parting the need to connect overwhelming you. That was the start of a very long night.

———-

You woke slowly feeling the need to stretch your muscles, arching your back slightly you felt a firm grip around your stomach holding you to a warm, solid body behind you. With memories of the previous night flooding your mind you quickly found yet another blush coating your face. It was rather surprising though to find Dean still here though. He seemed like the one and done kind of guy. Charm the pants right off her and then gone before morning. You couldn’t help the warm feeling that came with the thought that you were special enough at least for him to stick around for.

The arm around you tightened, causing you to tense. It was quickly followed by his lips meeting your neck, gently placing kisses along its length. You ease back into him, relishing in the feel. You lean your head to the side allowing him more access emitting a small moan in pleasure.

“Got to admit nothing better than waking up to a gorgeous woman in your arms.” His voice is still gruff with sleep, he continues his discovery of your neck.

“Hmm, I wouldn’t know, I’ll take your word on that.” He lets out a small laugh and nips your shoulder.

“Think your darn funny do you?” Loving the playful attitude your giving him.

You nod your head. “I’m hilarious. As much as I’m enjoying this though I do have to pee so move it, Handsome.”

He seemed to think about it for a second before letting you go. You quickly roll out of the bed. It seemed you had found some real confidence last night as you don’t even try to cover up and just sashay into the bathroom. Not wasting any time, you are soon opening the door finding Dean had barely moved. He was now on his back with his arms tucked under his head. His gaze was, of course, focused on you, taking in all your curves and letting out an approving groan.

You chuckle while sliding into the bed next to him. “I have to admit I thought for sure you would be gone when I woke up.” You wrap your arms around himm snuggling into his heat.

“Normally I would be but after last night talking to you, I thought, this girl needs to be shown how a proper man aught to treat you.”

You can’t help the giggle that comes out. “Oh wow well thank you for gracing me with this rare occurance.”

“Oh you’re welcome, now I don’t know about you but want to grab some chow with me and maybe we can convince our counterparts to come as well?” In response, your stomach let out a loud growl. His laugh causes you to bounce on his chest, you are burying your head once again in embarrassment. “I think that answers my question, a woman after my own heart.”

The rest of the time spent with Dean was short and sweet. He was a real charmer and if anything you just hoped that you had looked cool or at least not a klutz in front of him. You had parted with a couple tears but you couldn’t have asked for a better time.

—————–

Your year went on each journey you went on made you grow and brought new memories. You grew closer to the team. Even as you had to be working most times you grew more confident and more assured in yourself and your abilities. You picked up hobbies and let some go, lets just say you definitley were not designed to be a runner or cook professionaly.

The thing that most changed was your relationship with Bucky. It had morphed into a friendship but at some times it could be very awkward as you both slipped into more than friends mode. Amost like teenagers in love but to scared to admit it. You held back though not that Bucky hadn’t proven himself time and again. It was the traveling that rreally made you step back and reevaluate. There was so much you wanted to experience and to be honest being single was the only true way to do that.

So finally the day came, you were packed and ready to head overseas your trip would last over 2 months taking you to all the places you had only viewed on Pintrest and Instagram. You were just putting the final things in your bag when you heard a light knocking on your door.

“Come in.” You called, Wanda had gotten you a journal for you to document your every step.

Bucky’s head popped around the door. You shut the journal and shifted so that you could face him. He seemed agitatied and nervous. Stiffening just a little you grabbed hold of a pillow placing it in your lap. That look usually meant he had something to get off his chest.

Scooting the chair so that he could sit close enough that he could place a hand on your knees. He didn’t immediatly say anything simply looked down while stroking him thump against your exposed skin. “Bucky, what did you want to talk about, you’re making me a little nervous.”

“I.. I” it was like he was already regretting the words that were to come out of his mouth. With a deep breath, he finally met your gaze. “I don’t want you to go.” His hand tightened on your knee but not to the point of pain. It was more like he was pleading with you to understand his words. “I know that sounds selfish but I feel like I just got you back. That I got my best friend back and I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Bucky, I don’t know what to say, I mean I leave tomorrow. Why did you wait till now to say anything?” You can feel your breath quicken and your eyes start to sting. Not truly understanding why this was happening now.

“It’s because I just got you back. I really do want you to go on your trip. I know you will have an amazing time. I know that this is everything you always wanted to do. I just, I get the feeling that if you go I’m going to lose you forever.” He looks away for a moment but quickly loos back and lifts his hand to rest against your cheek. “Just look at this past year, everytime you go you come back changed and more beautiful than ever. It sends me reeling and I have to hold back from doing anything more than hugging you because I screwed up. I just want another chance with you but I fear that if I let you go I will lose that chance.”

His thumb brushes against your cheek catching the single tear that had escaped. Thinking back on the past year you realize Bucky had been there. Everytime you had to pack a bag he had helped you making sure you had everything and even more for your trip. He had made sure to check in while you werre gone. If there was a late night airport pick up he was there waiting patiently with flowers or a funny sign, anything that would make your face burst into a smile or blush. He had been anything you asked for, a pillow, a friend, a listening ear and even that blockade from others when you had a rough day. Never once had he pushed you to be anything more and never once had he looked away when you told all your stories. You really had taken him for granted. You gently cupped his cheek, gazing into those blue eyes and for a moment getting lost in them, searching for answers that you knew only you held.

“Bucky, you mean the world to me and even though I’m going I want you to know that I will come back. i can’t say for certain what will happen or who I will be when I get back but I can promise you this I will come back to you.” He nuzzled into your hand clasping his own around your wrist to keep the connection between you. “I know I haven’t thanked you for everything you have done for me but you are the main reason I have been able to do what I have been doing. You are my best friend and I can never thank you enough for that. I do want to give us a chance but I need to do this this is for me and me alone. Through this year you know what I have learned the most?” He shook his head slightly. “It’s who i am and how I deserve to be treated. I know now that I deserve to be treated like a princess, then a lady, than a goddess, and back to a princess. You have showed me that but you need to let me go so that we can truly find out if we belong. This will be the first time we have truly been away from each other, it will give us time to reflect. I know every encounter and every memory has made me who I am and there were just some things that needed to change. All I ask is that you ask yourself if you can treat me the way I want, no need to be treated, I will do the same thing. And if its fate will that we be together than we will be. I have absolute faith in that. Can you do that for me, Bucky?”

You both had tears running down your faces, you both realize it is the end of an era for you. What happened next would forever change your relatioinship. His voice was horce with emotion but he nodded and replyed. “I will, (Y/N). I will do that for you. It’s more than worth it to me.”

With that, you both seperated taking in deep breaths and drying your cheeks. “Now want to make sure I’m already to go?”

“Of course.” He begain to rifle through your things and when the night grew late he laid down next to you. You fell asleep holding each other.

The next morning the whole gang showed up to see you all. You had made them agree to not show up randomly. This was for you and you alone, there were a few disgruntled people but in the end, they all agreed. You made the usual promises to write, call, and even FaceTime before hugs were given to all. Bucky was the last and the longest hug.

“I love you.” You whispered in his ear trying to pull him even closer.

“I love you too.” He responded with just as much fervor.

You finally seperated and with a final nod to them, you made your way to the security line. You barely made it through when you turned back to wave one last time. It was time for the last leg in your adventure.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end we are coming in for the close. Thank you all for reading this for every comment and like and reblog thank you so much. I hope you enjoy.

3 Months Later

It was late in the evening when you stepped off the plane. You were ridiculously tired considering you hadn’t slept on the plane ride home and had gotten up what you guessed was early morning London time.

You were more than ready to be home and ready for your bed. You had extended your trip by a whole month wanting to visit some of the seasonal events that you would have otherwise missed. It had been worth it and you had the pictures, souvenirs, and stories to prove it.

You were focused on your phone trying to figure out who could be picking you up. Stark wouldn’t tell you but you had been adamant that the whole team did not have to come to get you. Especially because of the time you landed.

Clearing through the security gate you looked up to find only a single member standing with a sign stating: IN SEARCH OF A WOMAN REALLY NEEDING AN AMERICAN HAMBURGER!

The laugh that escaped you was half from joy from being back and half exhaustion. You raced toward him and barely giving him enough time flung yourself into his arms. His quickly clamped around you pulling you as close as he could to himself. You take a deep breath taking the scent that was so Bucky and was so comforting to you.

“I missed you, Doll,” He says into your hair not wanting to let you go.

“I missed you too. I had so much fun but I’m glad to be home.” You nod into his shoulder just as equally not willing to separate.

“You must be exhausted, why don’t we get your jet-lagged butt home to some sleep.” He carefully lowered you to the ground. Drawing back only far enough to look at him, you peer at his face wondering just how much a man could change in 3 months. He seemed tired but also relieved, he had grown out his beard causing you to reach a hand up to run your fingers through it.

“What is this? You couldn’t go three months without turning full hermit.” He chuckles while leaning into your hand slightly.

“Nah, just going for a new look. Apparently, it makes me look very mature.”

“Oh is that what it does?” Noticing how much lighter he looks as if a heavy burden has been lifted from his shoulders. You smile slightly and finally take a step back from him. “More like a girl’s walking wet dream.” He nods enthusiastically and reaches for your carry on, you quickly collect your other bags and head to the exit.

 

The ride home is a quiet and comfortable silence. When you exit the elevator into the common room you are surprised by the rest of the team standing there with a WELCOME HOME sign. You can’t help the tears that form though when asked you blame the jet lag. You go to each of your friends and give them nice warm hugs. Sam gives you a kiss on the cheek as well and you follow it up with one of your own. You had to admit he was one person, that you had greatly missed hanging out within your time away.

The group quickly separated after that each seeing you quickly fading from being up so long. With couple more hugs, kisses, glad-your-backs you headed into your room for a peaceful nights rest. Your room was exactly like you left it just a little cleaner. Shedding all your clothes you quickly slip into some PJs too tired to even consider a shower at the moment. You were out like a light as soon as your head hit the pillow.

The smell of bacon woke you the next morning, softly calling to you from the kitchen. It was one of the best ways to wake up. You quickly jump in the shower to wash off the grime of the plane and quickly dressed. You quickly grabbed your bag of goodies and heading out you could hear the quiet noise that you had somehow forgotten yet missed all at the same time.

Sprawled around the room was the group, Clint was in the kitchen whipping up some breakfast. To your surprise, Bucky was there as well manning the grill and flipping what looked like french toast. The smell alone drew you in making you drift closer to see what the spread would be.

When you get to the island counter you perch on one of the bar stools and gaze over. It was a giant buffet, from yogurt to fresh fruit, muffins and of course, bacon. It all made your mouth water. Steve leans over to you catching you staring at the food.

“He started going back to therapy after you left. To all of our surprise, he became fast friends with Clint. Taught him how to cook.” You raised an eyebrow at that. “Yep, he is doing a lot better than when you left heck, even better than when he stopped the first time.”

You smile at that glad that Bucky seemed to be finding his way. Bucky finally looked up from his station to see you glancing at him, he sends you a small smile and continues to flip.

“Good Morning, (Y/N).” Clint waves from his spot in the kitchen. “Go get comfy it’s going to be maybe 5 more minutes before breakfast is completely ready.”

You wander over to the group on the couches finding a seat next to Sam. He wraps a hand around your shoulders pulling you into him.

“So Miss Adventure tell us about your trip.” They all nod in agreement.

You began your storytelling them about all the places you had seen and the friends you had made. As you went you pulled out the souvenirs that came from that country. They oohed and aahed each grateful for the gifts, there did seem though to be a lack of gifts for Bucky though. Shifting to the table to eat when breakfast was ready and you continued. By the time you were all done eating all the gifts had been passed out and they were telling you about their own journeys while you were gone.

Everyone separated to go do their own thing, most having paperwork or training still to do for the day. Bucky remained sitting while the others filed out.

“Don’t move, alright?” You tell him getting up quickly to go back to your room. Grabbing one more bag you head back.

For some reason, you felt nervous, even though you knew Bucky, but you didn’t know how he would react to this. The two had left things on weird unspoken terms, they weren’t exactly bad terms but they definitely weren’t great. You did have to talk and you had a feeling that this is what would lead to that talk.

“I made this for you over the course of my trip. I… I … I mean it’s nothing much and I’m kind of wishing I had gotten you something else as well.” Debating actually giving it to him you start pulling away. “Ok, now that I am giving it to you it’s dumb.”

He stops you quickly pulling the bag from you. “Stop, I’m sure if you thought of me while downing it, it will be perfect.”

He carefully pulls out a leather journal, the cover is embossed with an outline of the world and his initials right under that. When he opened it up he found a short message on the inside cover.

To Bucky,

This is for you it’s all my thoughts and feelings throughout this trip. Most of all it’s all the moments that I wish I could share with you and maybe one day we can.

Love (Y/N)

Each part starts with the name of the place and the dates you were there. Next comes the postcards, each of the best sights and things you had witnessed. When he flipped them over there were the words you had written as if you had actually meant to send it to him. Some were joyful and excited. Others only a few words were written and he could see the tear stains that smudged the words. He spent the next moments drinking it all in following you on your journey. He teared up in places and chuckled at others. About halfway through he stopped and looked up at you. Taking in the blush that covered your face, eyes that shone brightly at unshed tears, uncertainty written on whether this had been a good or bad idea.

He set the book aside and leaned in close, never once breaking eye contact with you until your lips hovered over each other.

5 years later

It was a calm day nothing really happening. You woke up to the sheets beside you empty, but still warm. You quickly sit up unsure of where your companion had gone. You don’t hear anything but as you gaze back to the spot that he was previously in you spot a letter.

Picking it up you find your first initial on it, carefully opening it. There is no real occasion for this, it’s not a birthday or an anniversary as far as you know. You pull out a simple card. A heart wreath on the front. You open it with a smile already spreading over your face.

Doll,

I know you’re probably confused about this but today marks a special day for us. Mostly for me. 5 years ago you came back from your adventure of a lifetime. You gave me the best gift a guy like me could ask for. You gave me hope and a future. You forgave what was unforgivable.

We have had our highs and lows, and there is no one I would rather go through it than with you. That day you had asked me a very important question something that could very well change the outcome of our future.

That day you asked me “Am I Enough?” and I knew exactly what I should say. I told you then and I made sure you knew the day you finally became my wife and I will remind you for the rest of eternity.

You are more than enough. And my everything.

Now stay put so I can bring you breakfast and prove it to you,

Yours eternally,

Bucky.

PS You still need to make up for kissing Sam. I mean really Pigeon Brain?!


End file.
